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My boyfriend isn't attracted to me anymore!
I met my boyfriend just over a year ago via a mutual friend, we hit it off straight away and 6 months later we were moving into our own place together.
I've always had awful relationships and made bad choices with my past relationships but he was different, we both wanted the same things, and showed that we loved, respected and cherished eachother.
4 months after we started our relationship he dipped into his depression which he has had for most of his life. When this happened he started rejecting me intimately. His work was stressing me and the fact that I shared an apartment with a stuffy Flatmate, he eventually changed job and we moved Into our own place.... 6 months living together and we still have the no intimacy issue. He outright rejects me and says hrs lost his drive, it's not me it's him. He gets irritatedwhen I try and talk to him about it.
Thing is, I know he masterbates, I know this because I do the laundry and I can see that he does it every day bar weekends when we are together (I leave for work before him in the mornings) .
I feel so frustrated and hurt and unattractive and diminished that he would rather masterbate than make love to me. When we do, it's rushed and we have no foreplay and I'm always on top because that's how he likes it. I'm just so fed up of feeling rejected. Life is hard enough as it is without your partner making you feel inadequate.
I've asked him if he wants to break up, if he's unhappy with the relationship but he says no and that we'll work through it. Part of me thinks he's lazy! And I'm starting to resent him.
Next week we are going to our GP which he had arranged so that we can discuss what's happening but it's not enough, I need to feel loved, I miss kissing and being touched and told I'm beautiful. He cuddles me and gives me pecks not proper kisses and if I ask him for a propper kiss he out right rejects me, he rejects me over a kiss.
I'm absolutely beside myself. I love and adore him and the thought of leaving him absolutely winds me but I'm in absolute despair.
Please help me. I'm growing very depressed with this.
I hate feeling like this .
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I have the same problem with my boyfriend. I tried to be really patient and understanding, but this has been going on for more than a year now and it's getting worse and I really am getting depressed.
I just want to ask how are you doing with your boyfriend. Could you solve this problem? How?
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this is a hard subject because of the clearest issue here, he has depression. having depression is a very hard thing and when you have any type of mental disorder it weighs in on your relationships. the fact that he says no to breaking up and that you guys will work through it and he is even trying by going to the GP, isn't what you consider enough but it is. he is showing he is trying and that he damn well loves you.
now because you don't have depression and you probably have never dated someone with it, you have to learn this is got to be rough. you are going to have obstacles that most couples don't face. fights that most couples don't understand. and moments where you question feelings for each other and if you are doing the right thing, more then most couples already do.
but if you love this guy, you will make it work and you will talk about it openly. all feelings out from both parties. and if you guys can't both do that... you're doomed.
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I've been through something very similar. Is he taking medication for his depression? If so, get the name of it, look up the side effects. Anti depression medication can most certianly lead to a low sex drive.
If he is not on medication, and is seemingly irritable when talking about the situation, try to pick up on his hints. Make him feel comfortable; cook him his favorite dinner, put on music that you know puts him in the mood. Try to get him to make the first move so that he is comfortable and in control. Please feel free to private message me if you would like more ideas. Good luck, I know it's not easy.
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