I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
Gender: Male
Member Since: December 31, 2006
Answers: 3591
Last Update: August 30, 2022
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I definitely feel for her, I just don’t feel bad for her since I feel she could have avoided all this
Also, should I let my other daughter talk to her older sister on the phone? She’s 16. Heading her sister talk about life in the brig might be somewhat traumatizing (link)
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If you gut says that it's not a good idea for her sister to talk to her from prison trust that. I would cut that contact off especially if you think it's going to be traumatic.
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Feel sympathy?
My 19 year old daughter will be spending 13 months in a military prison for drug charges
I am unable to have much sympathy for her about this because she broke the rules even though I never told her it was OK to participate in illegal activities, embarrassed herself and has to go to prison and will likely get dishonorably discharged. . Not to mention set a bad example for her younger sibling. Instead of feeling sad for her I’m thinking I know where she is and maybe being incarcerated will teacher her a lesson (link)
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I think you need to tell your daughter that prision is the one place you'll never visit her and be direct that she must get help or she's not welcome back in your home. Don't visit and encourage other family members not to during that time. It has to sink in what she will lose in addition to possibly her life by continuing down this path.
Prision may or may not do that for her. She has a problem and likely an addiction that is hopeless without proper intervention and treatment. It's right of you to feel embarassed and totally disgusted but you must understand the stranglehold drugs have on her and how this influenced her behavior.
You also still have to love as a parent. That doesn't mean condoning her behavior. When she does get out stage an intervention and make sure she gets treatment if she's not set up for it and encourage a turnaround. She needs to cut off contact with anyone who does drugs or could get her back into trouble. Other than that you have done what you can.
You can lead her to help as can prison but can't make her or have it stick. That's the part which is on her. She genuinely has to want it or it won't be succesful.
As far as her sibling goes make sure he/she knows that their sister screwed up in a major way with drugs and her career and life will forever be affected by a criminal record and that prison is no place to ever wind up in. Make them see how easy it is to get in trouble and the real consequences that exist including death.
The sibling is not their sister but reinforcing how easy it is to get sucked in and the road out being beyond difficult will work. There's nothing more you can do there. I wouldn't have sympathy for your daughter but I would have empathy knowing that she's in a very bad place and needs help. You may not be happy and who would with what she's done but you can't abandon your kid. This is when she needs parented the most.
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two years ago i started listening to some 90s and 2000s music artist and enjoyed them but now a days i am worried about them in general being criticized just becuase they don't come from the 70s or before that i do like some of the stuff from the 70s but not all of it but how can i stop worrying about criticism on artist who are not that old in general ? (link)
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What matters is what you like. It's not about what another person thinks when it comes to music. You're always going to find different people with different tastes. So what if if someone else doesn't like a certain artist, style or genre? Let them be critical but go on loving what you like.
Infact, it's great to have electic tastes and open minded to experience all kinds of artistry and writers and performers from any decade. If others criticise work of someone you like I would let it go and continue listening to what makes you happy. Perhaps you can also explore the music they're in to or what you may not think you would get enjoyment from. I wouldn't worry because everything is subjective. No two people will think exactly the same about music or performance arts. I wouldn't worry about this but rather go on enjoying and exploring and finding and listening to what you like.
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I have a story that I want to share with everyone, but I don't know where to find forums to do that, or where to submit them. See, I did LSD a few years ago while I was also on Lithium. I looked at message boards and stuff and a lot of people had shared their horror stories of mixing the two, but I didn't listen because there were also a few stories where they wound up being okay. I feel like I should share my experience with people because I am mentally screwed indefinitely as a result and I don't want this to happen to anyone else. I can't remember the site I visited back then. Thank you in advance. (link)
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Have you spoken to your psychiatrist? That would be the best place to start. They will know of resources and places you can share your story with other people or get it published or give a talk. Also, I'm not so sure you're permanently screwed. Have you spoken to your doctor at length about what occured? Maybe there is something they can do to make your life better. I know a lot about Lithium but not about being on LSD or other drugs. I was always advised never to drink alcohol or substances with it.
You might also want to look into local chapters of Mood Disorders Associations because they would be very interested in your story and there would be a way to do so or even volunteer your time helping other people.
There is a national U.S. association that publishes anonymously and or in a magazine with your byline stories. That may be what you are looking for but it lacks the ability to interact with others. https://www.nami.org/get-involved/share-your-story
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Alright I just want to say I have an extremely hard time meeting guys, at the moment I do not have friends and have always struggled with friendships. However I have questions, how can I meet guys since I am in my 30's? A guy with substance, a respectable guy? I am in the process of working on myself and I have always had a very time meeting serious guys. Most guys I meet aren't serious or flake out. It's very stressful and I have lost hope. What can I do? Lastly, I want to share a quick story about a recent incident with a guy I met. I met this guy through a meet up and he remembers me in the past meet up. With him remembering me from a past meet up I was excited- I thought it was funny he remembered me in the past. From talking to him at this event I felt a connection with him- great right? Well then I started getting red flags- he'd only text me late at night or wait very long periods at a time to get back to me or even a day in between each conversation. At the time I took it as okay he doesn't want to come across desperate or needy, I get it- play it cool. But then he started to text me late at night at 12:40am and 10:00pm on two separate nights. I was frustrated and thought yeah I'm not that kind of girl, so I told him to please contact me at a reasonable time. He then got offensive and said he had a life blah blah blah he goes to work and has volleyball, then I thought, well so what? I work as well you can text me during the day. I also remember him saying at the event he and another girl were making out and then he found out she had a boyfriend. That turned me off lol. Another thing is when I set boundaries in asking him to text me at a reasonable time he got defensive and said well I guess that's one of your pet peeves. Then I said well any respectable woman would like that. He then said I wasn't showing him any interest. How could I show a guy interest when he throws me breadcrumbs?? He takes a very long time to text and only texts me late at night.
Do you think I should drop this guy? He says he wants to go out but I can't respect a guy who doesn't value my boundaries or doesn't treat me right. If he has time to play "volleyball" he has time to message anyone at a reasonable hour. I got the vibe where it was all about him and he doesn't respect women. AM I wrong? He sounds like a player to me and just wants to get in my pants. I have set days where I can meet up with him and I feel like he dismisses anything I offer. I just met this guy lol he doesn't sound like a good guy to me. What are your thoughts? Where on earth can I meet serious classy guys? It's very rough out there and it isn't fun meeting guy after guy who doesn't respect women. (link)
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You are right to be annoyed that he's texting you late at night as has been asked to stop. A reasonable person would apologize and not do it again and or ask what a cut-off time would be for future if they were interested in you. Getting defensive about it isn't a normal reaction. This and the other incidents or red flags keep nagging at you because you know that he's mister wrong but need to affirm that your gut is spot on.
If someone genuinely likes you and aims to be with you as a partner they don't act like this guy. No matter what he's doing in his life if he is interested in you he will get back to you not days from when you texted but quite promptly and will always be courteous and nice not defensive. They wouldn't want you to see them as anything other than nice or a good choice and not this bad behavior or sudden display of anger to a reasoanble request.
Guys and girls for that matter make time for someone who is important to them no matter what. I think what has happened here and no fault of yours is that he's NOT interested and is using volleyball or whatever else excuse rather than saying the truth. It's the same thing about not contacting you or doing it out of the blue if at all.
He's not the right person and it's not your fault. Something better will come and a person who genuinely treats you right. That's so very important and what you deserve and will have. I think you have to really value who you are as well as other people which you do and someone will notice.
One of the biggest errors people make with dating is to not notice that the perfect partner may already be in their life or under their nose hoping that you will notice them. Don't exclude people like that as potential partners or anyone who may not look like your desired type. Always put a vibe out there that you're welcome to everyone who treats you well.
One thing you might want to try is to take a drama or improv class when COVID-19 allows. It doesn't have to be an expensive course either even parks & rec. Second City I heard is now doing it all online but with classmates and teacher who can see you.
You could become friends with these people because drama and improv force you to lose your inhabitions and insecurities real fast and work with people you wouldn't ordinarily think of befriending or have ability to approach if shy. You'll find people who share your interests and think like you that could blossom into something later but also make you a better communicator, improve your body language and help you make better connections. It breaks down barriers we place up and anxiety.
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i didn't like your comment on my question on how to get someone out of your life i really don't want to be asscoiated with people like that gil i mentioned plus i am only going one day there and she goes four days as usual but i do plan on parting from that school later in the future so i hope you can get this as a private question. (link)
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When I give advice I don't always give people exactly what they want to hear. If I did I wouldn't be doing you or anyone else any good. I'm sorry you didn't like the advice I gave but I took great care in answering based on the information you provided. If you re-read what I said you'll find that I tried to identify reasons why she behaves in the manner she does and how you could be the better person and a friend rather than approach her with scorn and make an enemy like so many people around her likely have. I wanted you to see from her perspective who you were against.
I don't give people advice on how to ditch another person or get them out of their life. That's not why I am here. I'm here to figure out why you feel that way and offer solutions and other ways of looking at things because ditching someone or trying to cast them out isn't a good thing to do.
It seems to me you have an issue with intolerance and her disability and behavior associated with it and just don't understand her and think of her as a type of people you don't like. The problem is with your perception not anything she has done.
You're getting a car ride to and from school. She's in the car one day a week as well as at your school. I think you can find a way to tolerate her one day a week there and back. That's not asking a heck of a lot of you.
You can always bring a handheld game, book or portable music player (your phone works) and put that on for the duration of some of these trips.
You also have to understand another thing. If this ride was set up by the school board for busing it can easily be taken away if there is fighting or they observe you treating her as though you can't stand her on the way to and from school. The driver will be looking at your attitude towards people you are riding with and it's the same if you are getting a lift from a parent.
Anyway, you don't have to like my advice but it comes from encountering this type of problem before and from trying to give you the best solution I can given on what you wrote in.
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two years ago i have been going to a place that is like a school for adults with special needs and last year i have been asscoiated with some girl who is two years older than me but doesn't act it and she is also stubborn and when i told her that i did not want to see stuff on her phone she tried to correct me with yeah you do and i had to put up with her alot and when she and her mom rhode with me and my mom she tried to get me to listen to a cd that i did not want to listen to and she asked me way too many questions and some that were stupid about meeting everyone in hr family and i do not want to put up with her forever is there way to remove this person from my life ? (link)
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Let's look at this from another perspective. You mentioned she is from a special needs school. Perhaps this behavior is something she cannot help because it's part of her disability. She's not trying to be a pain nor is she aware of it to you. For her what she's doing is normal and the people in her circle know it and you don't. Perhaps she also intellectually able to think and act at a certain age or is on the Autism Spectrum and lives differently than you.
I don't know but please think of how she feels trying to connect with others. For whatever reason she sees something she likes in you and is trying to get a positive reaction or friend. You could try and be that but when she does something you don't like like insist you do something such as listen to a CD tell her "I don't feel listening to music right now but if you give me the CD I'll put it on later."
If she's asking a ton of questions it's because she wants to know you or has interest in what you have to say about something. Perhaps answering is a good idea or point out "That's really a lot of questions I'll have to think about that."
The thing is the stuff you don't like that she does is a trivial reason not to like her or to be angry. Her questions aren't stupid to her. If everyone approached her like that guess how alone she must feel?She's looking at you to be different.
She really hasn't done much of anything for you or anyone for that matter to want to remove her from your life. You don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to and can tune people out but in this case that would be a big mistake.
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I have been talking to this guy for 4 months over quarantine and we met recently. I had a great time on our first date and we recently went on our second date, which was kayaking. I really like him and had a great time but something has been bothering me... He told me over text that he was the type of guy to always ask permission to kiss or touch a girl in anyway because of how respectful he is. He knows that I really liked that about him. When we went on our second date he had asked me how i felt about a guy slyly grabbing my hand. I said thats fine as long as you don't pull any sly moves with me...
The date goes on and we are waiting for our kayake. He knew I was scared because i've never been so he put his hand around my lower waistline. I was taken by surprise because he told me he was the type to ask... I wasn't uncomfortable with it, let it happen, and thought it was cute but just thrown off a bit. Then as he walked me to my door we both stood their and he went in to kiss me. I instantly stopped him and said "I thought you were going to ask me?" He said "I am sorry you're right and then asked me" I then let him kiss me 3 times (just pecks) and he touched my lower back as he kissed me. Again I thought it was cute but still a little thrown off... I was in an abusive relationship in the past and it has made me become very overly protective with my body. He knows I have been through a lot with guys but i haven't opened up to him about it yet. I explained to him how I felt about this and he was very understanding. He felt very bad and explained to me how it would never happen again if I gave him another chance. He also said how sorry he was and admitted it was a honest mistake and just loves to show affection. He explained how he forgot to ask to kiss me and swore he will prove to me that he is a true gentlemen. I really like him because he is very caring and hes fun to be with... Am i overreacting? should I give him another chance? Would this be considered assult? please help i can't stop thinking about it :/ (link)
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If you are questioning what happened or feeling weird or icky about it than trust your gut. The person may not be right for you. It seems to me he's heavy on bullshit lines and telling you how he's a gentleman and asks first and then he does the opposite and never follows through.
Guys who are true gentlemen just are and don't annouce wat they are doing or fact they are. It strikes me as an act. Maybe his intentions are good but it seems he's shown you he's the opposite. Also, you met him online and this is date number 2. How much do you know about his background?
You don't owe anyone and explanation about being assaulted before or being in abusive situations. If someone touches you or tries to kiss you and you aren't okay with that put a stop to it even if you need to slap them or knee them in the groin. Protect yourself and get out of there.
If you buy his I'll behave better story as genuine you might want to do coffee but I wouldn't do the same kind of date as before. You just don't know what his motives are and he let you down twice in same date already.
I don't think kissing you was assault but touching you in a way that could be seen as sexual or forcing something you didn't want is. You also have the right to tell him straight up what wasn't cool last time and that he better not do it again and that you aren't so sure he's someone you want around. If you get that across when you see him next you'll know from the conversation if you can trust him.
It's all about trusting your gut that if something feels off or wrong to you than it probably is. If he makes you feel weird or icky as I mentioned above than that's probably a good sign to end it. He's put a lot of red flags up already.
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This man i met from tinder is regularly video chatting with me to keep me company in the quarantine and we get along well. But he does this strange thing, he is always telling me how great he is... to the point where i get uncomfortable.
He says things like “Every girl that has ever left me always came back to see if we could try it again but i don’t see any point in taking someone back who took me for granted”
“My ex keeps video chatting me and showing me her breasts and her butt and her vagina and all i ask is ‘how is your mom doing?’ “
“I take care of my friends so well to the point where if one of my friends tells me he is going through a financial struggle, i would take a GROUP of my friends out and pay for ALL of them so that my one friend won’t feel like I’m giving him handouts”
I’m not sure if these are good examples, but he sounds like he’s trying to convince me to be with him because no one has seen the value in him but him. It’s become a red flag in my eyes. There’s something wrong here but I’d like to know what exactly. (link)
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Trust your gut always. If you feel uncomfortable because of something he's saying and or doing than take that as a sign to get out of the situation. Perhaps he's harmless and perhaps he isn't but if something is constantly telling you something is wrong it's almost always right. As far as knowing the reasons why the situation is wrong or why he acts a certain way it really doesn't matter. What does matter is your safety and comfort and right now you feel both aren't there around him. That's really all you need. I would bail on the situation. It's always better to be safe than not especially if he's making you feel icky and constantly being inappropriate.
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I’ll start by saying that I am of a legal drinking age. But I’ve never done ANYTHING sexually. Other then with my own hand. So this is embarrassing please be nice. With that being said I want a vibrator but I’m embarrassed to go in to an adult store and say I want a vibrator. I know I could order one but I don’t want one of parents getting it. Because sometimes they don’t pay attention to who’s stuff they are opening. Should I just ask my mom for help or just buck up and go get one? Like if your a mom would you want your daughter coming to you asking for a vibrator or would you rather not know? If you would say to ask her how would I even bring it up? If your wondering my mom is pretty cool but I know when my sister told her how many partners she’s had my mom did not want to know. I also know my mom has vibrators.
Sorry it’s so long!! Please help though!!! (link)
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Masturbation is normal and practically everyone does it. Your mom likely suspects you do it. It's pretty much universal with teens. There really doesn't need to be embarrassment.
It's obvious your mom does it and you've noticed these toys. While talking about it may seem difficult it probably won't be. Perhaps you can write her a note that you are curious about these things but too embarassed to talk about it or purchase yourself. I'm sure she will be understanding and not make it an embarrassing thing.
People who run adult stores know that many people are nervous and don't want to ask for certain items. However, they are very knowledgeable and will make you comfortable if you ask questions. To them it's just normal conservation and no judgment. Try talking to a female employee. I would talk to your mom first and see how that goes.
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I was working at a store for ten years, so I've gotten to know many of the customers very well. When I heard that an apartment on the same block as my job was for rent, I took it because I thought it would be convenient for me. Shortly after that, there was an incident at my job so I had to quit. My boss accused me of stealing and I couldn't believe that she would accuse me of this after 10 years. I was so offended that I quit. She later apologized when she discovered who really took the item, but I decided not to go back. This situation has left a bad impression of this store in my mind, and I don't want anything to do with it anymore. The problem is, I still see my former customers all the time. Many of them live in this neighborhood (some are even my neighbors!) and I see someone I know every single time I leave the house. After working there for so long, many people want to know why I left, what I'm doing now, etc. I feel like I'm on display because everyone around here knows I used to work there and they're always asking me questions and trying to make conversation. At first I would answer their questions, but now I'm tired of talking about the same thing over and over again. I just want to have a fresh start and forget about everything that happened. Most of these people were not my friends; I just saw them often so we would have casual conversations. Now they are always asking me about my personal life. I don't want to be rude, but at the same time I just want to forget about the store and move on. It's been a few months since I've lived here and I feel trapped. I don't go outside and sit on my steps anymore because I don't want somebody to see me and start asking me questions. In a way, I'm avoiding these people. What should I do? (link)
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The most important thing was to quit that job and get away from those people. Nothing would have ever been right with them or the situation afterward. I would speak to head office about what happened and that you had zero involvement and dealt with accusations about theft. I'm not sure if a lawyer can help here but they need to pay for a mistake that damages your reputation with future employers.
If anyone asks why you left tell them it wasn't the right fit and that you needed something that paid more. Beyond that say nothing about your personal life. You can deflect questions by saying "My life is rather boring tell me about yours?" When they feel awkward by that they'll get that they oversteped with those questions.
I wouldn't be afraid to walk outside the house or bump into someone. Just understand that they aren't trying to be rude in thir mind but rather happy to see you and wanting to know how you are doing. Give them a curt reponse and keep going.
Sitting at home afraid to go out to avoid others is dumb as it keeps you from doing what you need to. You have to go about normal business. If this issue is really bothering you to the point you can't resolve it consider moving if you can. That would be how to get a fresh start if you really want to go that far.
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Okay so I’m 17 and I’ve already taken the SAT and got 990. So right after I took the test I went to go stay with my father in a different state. Right when I left it was spring break so I was shocked when I found out that my school had shut down and I had to take class online. I didn’t really mind it though. Well my mother has been hassling next to take the SAT again but I’ve told her that Florida wasn’t doing it. My dad he’s a right wing guy so he understands why they aren’t giving it out but my mom called me every day to make sure that I was checking. Then she contracted the corona virus and she’s had it for almost a month now. She wants me to come home but I have asthma and that wouldn’t be safe for me. But because Florida is run by idiots they’ve decoded to open everything including the SAT testing. I love my mom but she’s an idiot. She’s willing to let her asthmatic daughter who’s got a better chance of dying from this disease because I also have a weakened immune system take a stupid test that most colleges aren’t even asking for because she wants me to get a higher score. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been studying because I’ve been up late freaking out about going back to the epicenter of this virus. I just feel like she cares more about bragging about her parenting skills than she does about my life. I don’t know what to do. Do I just tell her I’m not taking the test and stay at my dads place where I only come into human interaction once every 2 weeks or just ride it out? (link)
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Tell her my SAT score is 990 and will remain 990 until Covid-19 is behind us. Let her know nobody is thinking about school right now or getting into college. Ask her politely to lay off. If that doesn't do it have your father lay into her about it because it needs to register.
Also, tell her that there's no way you are coming home with someone who has Corona Virus or recently had it because you have asthma and are at a high risk for dying even if it looks like she asymptomatic. Make sure your father backs this up. She can't make you go do something that will adversely affect your health.
I would see your family doctor and talk about mom and the fact you can't leave to go back with her because of her positive test results and your asthma. Have him/her put it in writing that you shouldn't leave where you are or be with her because she's not well. Few people would go against a doctor. The test doesn't matter but your life does.
I wouldn't call her an idiot but she's certaintly misguided and ill-informed about Covid-19 which sadly a lot of people are. More or less when it comes to your health you have to do the polar opposite of what the president says. She may not be able to separate fact from bullshit unfortunately.
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I am days away from reaching 18 years of age. It’s very nervewrecking because it’m almost in my last stage of adolescence. I know that I still have a lot more to learn, but for the last few days, I feel very sad. Changes will happen for the better, but I feel like it’s overwhelming me more and more each day. My family always keep telling me to “act like a traditional lady” and they always splan everything out for me. I get that it’s part of our culture to appeal and create a good image as a lady, but to me, it’s a bit weird and it sounds like I’m born to impress people. I am willing to grow as a person that I know I will be, and not the person people want me to become. It has taken a toll on me to the point where I stopped doing daily activities that I used to love doing, even freshening up or dressing nicely feels like a chore. I rarely talk to my mother since she’s always busy and she has her own problems too. I don’t want her to have her to listen to me because she might tell me that i’m overreacting and that i should be thankful because she’s still able to feed me. I can take any criticism towards my feelings and thoughts. (link)
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I think there's more to this than the pressures of adolescence and growing up. That doesn't help but it appears that this is a mental health issue to get properly diagnosed. You should see your family doctor. When a person stops enjoying things they love or have a passion for and suddenly stop enjoying life it's a sign that something is wrong.
You may have depression but you may also have a mood disorder. In the case of bipolar disorder a person exhibits depression and has a total lack of interest in things they really enjoyed or every day life. They also have moods that range from very dark, to normal and then into mania which is an euphoria that doesn't die down. In that state you may have grandiose ideas or be out of touch with reality. These changes happen over a course of two weeks and need to remain solid like that this long for it to be bipolar disorder.
Not everyone with the disorder will experience manic episodes as a lot of people have the type where it's just moods rapid cycling from depths of depression back to happy and constantly rapid cycling without relief. Both are treatable as is depression and other mental health issues,
You really need to get before your family doctor and tell him/her exactly what is going on with sudden depressed feelings and moods all over the place and have them figure out whether there is anything wrong and refer you to a psychiatrist to confirm and treat it if there is.
The other thing is to understand your parents mean well but that you have to make mistakes and figure things out for yourself but do so in a way it won't embarass them and that reflects on your culture. Be who you are and let the chips fall where they may as that's really all you can do.
If you go around trying to be the picture perfect image of what you think they want you to be you'll be miserable. You have to get in tune with who you are and your own self worth. You're here to do much more than impress people. You may not know your purpose yet but it will unfold naturally. Forget this other stuff and let yourself be. You don't need to have all the answers either. Nobody truly does.
Also, a lot of times with mental health issues it's quite common that people neglect hygene and appearance or find it a complete chore. Even if your mother is busy she's not too busy to help you. She needs to know what is going on and where all these feelings stem from and for how long it's been an issue. She's the one who can get you to the help you need. It's better to be honest than suffer further with this.
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Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I caught him cheating on me several times before we reached our 3rd year together. And now we are in a long distance relationship, and I just found out now that he is being bullied as chickboy with his friends on their groupchat and i jumped into a conclusion that maybe he had a fling with his classmate (girl) 1 year ago? Should I still be with him? We are already planning for our future and both our families are in good terms already. He is responsible in many ways and I can feel that he loves and cares for me but I can also feel the fear inside me. (link)
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If someone cheats multiple times and has a long history of it they aren't going to change. If he loved and cared for you he wouldn't be doing this over and over.You have to ask yourself whether or not you want this happening long term to you. I wouldn't be planning a future with him. I would be planning my exit. As far as the bullying gos be aware of it but stay out of that and don't get sucked in. He has to figure out a way to handle it and it appears if you get involved that things become worse. I don't think this guy is a keeper and I believe that's what you are coming to realize.
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I am a 17 year old boy. In school I used to like a girl. But she didn't reciprocate the same feelings for me. And strangely I was okay with it. I was confused as I was going through a bad phase. Also I saw her as my motivation. When College started (We both were in same college) I didn't want to lose her. So I made attempts to stay by her but no use. I eventually gave up and moved on When my friend came from abroad (he and she are best friends) my best friend called me and my friend (who is also my neighbour and we all were in same school) she taunted and teased me. I discussed this with my friend and he said that she is socially powerful and she has contacts. He said the only way to settle this is to patch up with her and be friends. Now she has a bad image of me in her eyes. What should I do. Should I patch up or leave?? (link)
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I'm not so sure she does have a bad view of you. This could be a situation where she thinks she knows you and is just pardon the term busting your balls like guy friends do. She may have zero malice behind it. Ultimately what she thinks doesn't matter as long as you think well of yourself.
She's not powerful socially or otherwise even if she thinks of herself pretty highly. Odds are she's more insecure than she would want anyone believing. What do you do? Be cordial. Be nice and polite enough when you see her but don't give her anything more than that. You don't have to like and or fear her nor patch up anything if you don't see the point in doing it.
If she makes fun of you again say "Your remarks are very hurtful whether you mean they to be or not." The add "I wouldn't do that to you or anyone else"
People who bully are often worse off than their chosen target emotionally and mentally and project their dislike of themselves or jealousy onto another person to supposedly feel good about themselves and a sense of power. A bully almost always wants something from the victim or is jealous of something they have or the attention they receive from others.
A lot of times they come from broken homes or abuse. If you show you're not scared and she can't get away with anything she'll move on eventually.
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A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I got into a fight about me going back to work, because he's worried about the risk from COVID-19 and I work in a hospital. We eventually reached an agreement and I promised him I'd stay safe, let him know about my shifts, immediately stop working if my hospital admitted a case, and immediately stop working if the virus spread rates started getting too high. The cases are "too high" now, and he wants me to stop working and hold to my promise, but if I do it now, then I'll lose my job because prior to all this, I hadn't worked in 3 months due to the lockdown and wanting to keep my parents safe. He says he can't trust me anymore because I can't keep my promise, and I said I never should have had to promise to begin with, that he should have just trusted me to handle my own terms of employment. I told him it feels like he's being controlling over this whole thing and he got upset with me because he says he'd never try to control me.
I know his concern and actions are just from a place of care and that he just wanted me to be safe, but I can't help but feel a bit trapped. I don't want to break my promise and I feel awful that I put myself in a position where I wouldn't be able to follow through on a promise - I realize now that I never should have made it, because I didn't take into account that I might have to quit so soon... That's on me and I realize that, and I don't want to lose his trust, but I also feel like he's being a bit unfair to me here. I don't really know what to do (link)
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I don't think he's being unfair in the slightest. Your profession is extremely high risk where you are constantly exposed to patients who may have the disease. It's easy to contract it and spread it and bring it back home. He's not the only person affected here it's everyone you come in contact with.
I think the best thing to do is take a leave of abscence over Covid-19 being unsafe to work. Your employer will understand it and will likely welcome you back when this is all over. Take the relief money that is offered by government and take a break from the profession. I would honor the request he's made. You want to be safe too right?
For now you can exist on benefits and his pay cheque or help of others including parents and stay out of the path of Covid-19. He's not trying to contro you but rather protect you, himself and everyone around you.I would definetly put the job on hold for now.
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Okay so I’m 2021 I’ll be attending college and majoring in either film or writing. I just want some advice on this matter, do I really need to have a social media platform for this career field? It’s just very tiring for me to post a picture, hope it gets more than ten likes then get upset when it only gets 5 likes and a comment from a robot. I am not a fan of social media and I have deleted my account before but I was up for a part that required me to have it. (Didn’t get it, not enough followers and they wanted me to get tik tok and I refuse to have an app on my phone that’s owned by a communist country) I also only post 1 pic or a collage picture of pics a month. I am not a fan of social media and I only go on to post a pic and leave. So I am asking this, should I keep my platform for my career or just delete my account and move on with my life without worrying about posting a pic. (link)
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Professional actors and directors usually and almost always have publicists and agents behind them that crafted their social media and image very carefully. The talent seldom touch any of that aside from having input into what their reps post on behalf. There's a lot who have social media and tons who don't that are equallly successful. Most have people post on their behalf. Twitter is the exception but not everybody uses it.
If you don't feel comfortable on social media that's fine don't use it. People will still be able to find out about you. If you feel you must have it to be noticed consider having people you trust manage it for you and post what they and yourself feel right about. They can also monitor all the comments.
If you want to delete your account and it seems you feel strongly about this do so and don't worry about it or robots for the forseeable future. It's healthier for now at least to probably disconnect and pour your focus into something you enjoy.
You don't need validation either from idiots behind a keyboard eating dorritos in their pajamas who likely can't write a proper sentence let alone make a second worth of film. They don't matter and it's nothing to get upset over or sucked into. You're better than that and you know it. Definetly delete it.
Also, just so you are aware legitimate casting directors, agents and productions do not use social media to recruit clients or cast film, TV, commercials or book people for modelling gigs. This is a scam. You don't need social media or TikTok to land any kind of role or gig. I would avoid those people like the plague.
If you want a taste of what it is like to be on a film set or even to model go through SAG or ACTRA and get a list of reputable agents and only contact them. If an agent you are thinking of isn't on the list there's a lot of good reasons why. Look for background talent agents. They'll be able to book you on sets as an extra.
Also, never pay anyone anything to rep you or for portfolios. You only need a decent snap shot to start. The only agents allowed to charge you anthing ever is a background talent agent or one that only deals in kids and it's $100 only. The unions allow this because kids often bail as do extras when they see how much work and waiting around there is.
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About me : M 22
So recently I've been having some really weird thoughts and idk if it's anxiety or fear or everything combined I'm incessantly worrying a lot about my mother and sister whenever i try to relax or when I'm trying to sleep i keep getting these thoughts where the people i don't like (scums that i have encountered in my life ) are trying to have their way with my mother and sister it's gotten so worse that this is the first thing that comes to my mind when i wake up and i just can't stop it and i try to be constantly busy in-order to avoid them and i never want this to come true and I'm afraid of these thoughts and idk what to do.
I know that this would never ever happen and yet I'm haunted by these thoughts in fear that it might somehow happen and they would get violated or they would leave me for them .
And I'm not a crazy person that believes in nonsensical stuff (ironic) but the ting that makes it worse is The Law of Attraction (things you think a lot happens whether you want it or not) and it has worked for me so this just adds to my fear of losing them and something happening to them and my sister is quite beautiful and she gets a lot of attention from people and I'm just afraid for her.
I tried to introspect and confront these thoughts but it just left a bad picture in my mind so I'm here.
(link)
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Where do these thoughts originate from? They aren't grounded in reality nor are normal. It's fear but it has to have a beginning and an end. It hasn't always been something that was there with you or that you were thinking about. I'm worried about your mental health as it is totally irrational.
Secondly, dreams are thought pictures. When you go to bed your brain doesn't shut off. Everything you think about during the day or have fears of or burried can come out as a dream or nightmare as the case may be. It can't hurt you and it cannot come true in real life.
I think what you need to do is find a therapist to talk to about this fear of something happening to both of them or people you love and work through this. Also, talk to both of them about your fears and try to figure out how this strarted and how to quell it.
You also have to deal with "people you don't like" or "men who are scum" and thoughts about that and bad experiences and hopefully let go of all of it. You know it's not normal which is good as it gives you a starting point for addressing this issue and the fact that these feelings aren't rooted in reality and can't harm anyone except for the person thinking it. It's an obsessive compulsion.
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For year’s iv’e thought my father has been verbally abusive to me our relationship has never been the way a father daughter’s relationship should be recently iv’e thought he is a narcissist father in public in front of people he act’s like the perfect father everything is fine but behind closed door’s that isn’t the case he has told me “I’ve got no brain” “I’m going to end up on the unemployment line and on food stamp’s” “He doesn’t care if he hurt’s me as long as he get’s his point across” “I’m losing at life” He like’s to put the blame on me make thing’s seem like they’re always my fault he rarely admit’s when he’s wrong he has also lifted up the table while i was eating dinner and got in my face
I feel like because iv’e reached the age i am no longer a child or minor that he feel’s like he no longer has to be a parent father to me he can stop i feel like he expect’s me to teach myself everything guide myself through life he has thrown it in my face that he teaches me everything when he is my parent father? He act’s like when it come’s to me everything is tough to do he doesn’t want to be bothered he act’s as if i’m a burden to him inconveniencing him because of him i am afraid to do thing’s around the house even something as simple as laundry i feel as if i am walking on eggshell’s i never know when he’ll strike he’ll abuse me one day then the next day he’ll talk to me act as if nothing happened don’t apologize he’ll act as if it didn’t affect me it’s like a reoccurring cycle he also like’s to mock me whether it’s mocking my word’s or action’s
Moving out isn’t a option moving in with friend’s isn’t a option either i also can’t move in with family because we all don’t live in the same state (link)
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You didn't mention if the abuse was always mental abuse or if there is a physical aspect where he assaults you. If he's hitting, punching or otherwise physically harming you call the cops and let them deal with him. It doesn't matter his relationship to you at that point. It's about getting him away from you and making him see the cosequences of his actions.
What I'm really concerned about is your mental health and inner soundtrack. When someone repeatedly runs us down it has an adverse affect and we start to believe it on some level. I think what you really need is a counselor you can tell all of this to and get help for dealing with your father and seeing that you are not what he refers to you as. You need to be strong mentally and if you have depression or anything else get that treated.
You said you can't live with friends. Why not? If you told them about your situation and that you can't be at home or escape it and volunteer what money you do have I think it could work. You could talk to their parents about what is happening.
While the rest of your family lives in different states you could reach out to them and let them know you need to leave the situation you are in and what's happening constantly. It may be a big adjustment but perhaps you can move in with family if willing to move to another state and start fresh. That may be a possibility you hadn't thought of.
If you tell enough people be it friends or adults you trust someone will be able to work with you and help you through the situation.
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So, Ive been with this guy for a few months now. He’s great, and I love him so much. He is my first boyfriend. Last year ,my mom found out about this, and we broke up for a while. Then we eventually got back together because we were in the same school. Im now back in keeping things private and suggested that we should just have an open relationship so that we can just figure out if this is really for us or not. The problem is, I don’t wanna hurt my mom anymore. She was really mad and hurt about us and she even thought about shutting me out from the family. I don’t want anyone to be in that mess anymore. I’m at a point where i regret everything. I should’ve just let him go long ago, but I didn’t. I was really invested in him and I thought that he was the one. But right now, it really seems bleak. We’re both young and I know we’ll meet more people but he doesn’t want to. He thinks I’’m the only one for him and my mom didn’t like him at all .What should i do? (link)
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There are some things that just shouldn't be a secret. It makes me wonder why do you want to hide this relationship in the first place. Obviously, there's something you are ashamed of or don't feel right about. Perhaps your mother knows that he's a bad match for you or is doing something that could lead to trouble for you. Regardless of the reason she doesn't want you with him.
I think the best thing to do is bring the relationship out into the open and make sure your mom knows about it. She may not be thrilled but sneaking around with someone is a bad idea. You need her to trust you and doing this if and always when she finds out on her own may errode your relationship. Honesty is the best policy.
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