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More From Miguel on Foster Family
Dr. Stephanie:
You said to try again and that I wrote too much and I agree it was very very long. Thank you for offering to help with your advice. So my basic question is do I tell my foster parents that I do not speak Spanish and that I am not all that interested in doing special family activities related to Latino culture? If I should say something, how do I do it without hurting their feelings or making them feel foolish for trying to do something nice to make me feel special and respecting my background. I hope that is simple enough. I will add that I do know Shawn and Sarah were wanting to adopt a baby and they have to foster so many kids to sort of be considered for that. I may just be practice for them, but I hope they will think about keeping me because I really like this family and want to be a part of it. They make me feel loved but I just worry about what will happen long term.
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Well, let's see if we can sort some of this out and help you find some direction. On one hand, you aren't interested in participating in or learning about Latino culture. That's fine, that's your choice. But you fear you may hurt their feelings or otherwise offend them. I'm assuming you are the one with the Latino background?
Perhaps you might gently comment that even though this is your heritage, you are just yourself and that you have no particular interest in or attachment to being Latino, if that's the case.
You could thank them and tell them you appreciate their efforts to make you feel at home, adding what else might make you feel more comfortable, instead.
Since you like them and hope they'll "keep you", tell them this. Tell them why you fear they won't keep you and why. Its normal for kids who have been moved around, put into foster or adoptive homes to feel as you do, based upon previous experiences.
I have a feeling that , since they "make you feel loved" , that you may be worrying needlessly. Plus, many adoptive parents do not have to prove their worth by keeping foster kids. They do have to be evaluated and approved by trained adoption workers, but their approval is based upon many other things , such as their ability to parent, their sincere motives, their ability to provide.
Tell them how you feel. I'll bet they'll be reassuring and try to also respect your needs and wishes. Good luck , Dr. Stephanie
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