Hello Everyone I am a teenager and I am 17,and from India Some months ago I went into this online relationship with a man, seriously a man whose age is 23, now I met him through some game where we could actually talk and I could talk in front of 3 guys including him I was very confident and in his eyes also I impressed him but now I have lost that all after the day i got into relationship with him. He proposed me and he is very attractive and matured I just said yes in flow but yeah I did like him but never thought of going too far and I never knew that what was going to happen after. It seems like I was not quiet ready for the relationship maybe. I used to get scared and nervous later on, on his texts and when he used to call me. I never used to give my efforts and I used to feel guilty too but there were feelings for him it's like I am not able to express myself. I go blank when I am in his presence, my hands get cold and my heart beats so fast. It's not the only thing that happens I kind of get jealous when I see her female friends when they are very friendly and I feel like I wish if I could be with him too. Then I see his brother and other friends whom have great personality too I feel they would definitely think me I am boring and I am dumb, What if my boyfriend talks about my personality I would be so embarrassed. I never felt this , this is the first time I am feeling intense Fear with excitement because I feel my boyfriend is special to me. I feel guilty everyday and regret that I am not putting any efforts and whatever happens I am responsible for that, I told him about my nervousness he said "You have to talk about your problems with me not just sit ideally with your problem" And I said him many times that I really wanna talk to you but I can't I get nervous so he said "Please stop this" I am just giving up everyday I feel so embarrassed and what is he thinking about me. It's just not about talking I could not even get sarcastic around him I just don't know what's happening. Experiencing this for the first time in my life. I am feeling that I am just disappointing him which is true I am just giving up please advice me.
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships? Dragonflymagic answered Saturday September 18 2021, 9:14 pm: If any person feels scared, not ready, then it is never a good idea to force yourself into a situation where you will continue to feel unready for all that it involves, then you are plainly not ready. If you don't believe that you are not ready, then you have to look at why you wrote us in the first place. A marriage that will be a good one lasting all your life, is one where both of you are best friends and also where there is a romantic chemistry and you both are sexually compatible. I may have lost you as far as understanding me by now so I will give examples. I have found when dating that if I kissed one man, it felt good, kissed by another and it felt awful like being kissed romantically by a male relative. The difference here from friendship to a couple relationship is the presence or the lack of this chemistry. This is something a person can not tell over the internet. You might like how the other person thinks and how they express themselves, their humor, but there is so much missing that it is not a good way to know for yourself if a person is the best person to marry. I don't know about the customs or age to marry in India. But I do know that all people, the whole world around, develop the same as in any other country. Our bodies mature first. So technically, at 17 your body may be ready for a sexual relationship, but the mind takes longer to finish maturing and scientists agreed on an average age of 25 for most. Some are ready a few years sooner and some take much longer and may not become capable of making good decisions for themselves until age 30 or so. This means that for right now, you are not mentally or emotionally ready for marriage, even though your body may be. At 23, he may have the mature brain by now and know what he is doing. However I question that since he wants to marry someone he had met online where even kissing each other feels strange or bad. He knows nothing about chemistry, but then few do, even adults. This is why some arranged marriages won't work. In time they will love each other...yes, but the love is that of a best friend only with the chemistry missing that makes up the other part of what a marriage needs. I have that now with my second husband. I married when I was 20, only 3 yrs older than you and the man had fooled my parents and friends. After the marriage, he was verbally abusive and yet I stayed and raised kids with him, not leaving until after 30 yrs of marriage. With him, there was no best friend part and certainly no chemistry. Yet since I was young and inexperienced. the exciting feeling I had felt at the beginning fooled me. It was what is called NRE (new relationship energy) and can feel like the real thing, like love, not any kind of love but unconditional love. It is like the excitement of receiving a wrapped gift and opening it to get your gift and its something you wanted but after some time, this NRE will fade and disappear, leaving you with whatever you have in common, and in my case, it was nothing, nothing in common, no love, no excitement, not even good sex. I actually thought that all movies and books with a romance were totally made up and that there is no such thing. Oh yes there IS! I have that with my second husband. The reason many young men will look for someone who is not yet older and mentally mature brainwise, is that they know, even if subconsciously that a younger female is not going to be able to make the best decisions and is most likely to be easily manuevered to what he wants. A guy looks for younger women because the ones his age, already know better and can easily see his faults and how those would hurt or destroy a relationship. But a younger one wouldn't know any better. So do not worry, you fell for compliments as any young female is likely to do, myself included. If your parents are not choosing for you or wanting you to marry early, then it is your choice alone and if you don't feel ready, then remember you matter first. It is not selfish. If we aren't ready to be the fully functional happy and well adjusted adult, then thats all the matters. He was looking in the wrong place for a reason, looking for a younger woman. It is too easy to fool the younger woman who doesn't have any or much life experience yet. It is best you get to know a young man in a few years, but do so in person, not over the internet. Leave it to friendship only on the internet. Dating, or marriage do not work that way. If it does work, it was an accidentally lucky chance that they were truly compatible and had the chemistry that friendship lacks for a dating or marriage relationship. Young men will also say anything them can to make a female believe the guy loves them and really wants marriage. then while dating, before marriage, they may keep asking for sex and when the females weakens and lets him have what he wants, many young men disappear, moving on to luring in the next woman in hopes of free sex. This is a saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. And it means, why commit to marriage to get sex, when you can get it for free by misleading and fooling the female. this is not as easy to do when you grow older. So the only disappointment a guy might have is that you said no to marriage which he wasn't offering anyways due to wanting to talk you into sex.
If by chance he is a great guy, then he will want
to meet you in person, spend time in person getting to know you so both of you can decide if each other is the right one. He would also be willing to remain just friends until you are older and feel ready if you feel in love with him. If any guy gives you any objections about this, then he is not a good guy and would make a terrible husband. When a divorced and was looking for a companion at near 50 yrs old, I was older and could see through a lot of things guys did. They acted so nice when I met them at coffee shops. Then later after a few dates, the pretending to be someone I would like, disappeared, such in the story of the man who smoked. I specifically wrote in my dating profile that I was allergic to cigarette smoke and so the guy could not be a smoker or willing to quit, because I knew how hard that is for people. So he hid it from me until the third date, he was relaxed and thought he had fooled me, that I would be in love and willing to put up with whatever, including smoking. So when he reached into a pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes after telling me the stale smoke I smelled was from his son who smoked, he knew he had messed up royal. I told him that this would not work out and I left. That day and for several after, he left angry messages about my dropping him. First, he lied, he was a smoker and then he showed his anger problem. There would not have been a problem if he had written to a woman who was a smoker or did not care. It was all his fault so his nasty messages did not affect me. He wasn't the only one. There were two others pretending to be something they weren't. So you set the rules and the boundaries you are comfortable with and any man not willing to do so, is not worth it. If I was leaving a marriage where I was emotionally abused, why would I choose a different guy but with other big problems that would kill a relationship or hurt me in some way. Because I was careful and very picky, and if even one thing only on my list of things to avoid was true for a guy, I already checked him off my list, I wouldn't even consider him. I was rewarded my finding a man through on line dating who wanted a real relationship and was everything I wanted. Many can say they have a wonderful husband when he buys expernsive gifts for them. He isn't rich, but he sure knows how to show it. Saying it isn't proof. I watched first to see if he was consistantly a man with the good traits he said he had. And yes, he was telling the truth. I am so happy now and I wish the same for you, so don't rush into a marriage. I know now that even 20 was too young for me. I wasn't scared but I did not have enough knowledge yet to make a good choice. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
DrStephanie answered Saturday August 28 2021, 10:36 am: Honey, you are young. This is a new experience for you, and its normal to feel nervous. But you are feeling nervous and anxious abou feeling nervous ! You do need to relax more.
Try not to make this relationship so important to you. Indeed, it is just the beginning of what is to come...you will have relationships that will come and go, including this one. There will be many more young men in your life.
The chances are good that he is probably more interested in having sex with you, and you need to decide if this is something you want to happen or not. You said "He proposed me"? Did that mean he offered to marry you? How long have you known him? It doeesn't sound at all like you are ready to marry anyone yet.
Take it easy,slow down, look around, and don't give all your time , energy or attention to this one person, would be my advice to you.
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