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I don’t like group settings
I meet with some friends for dinner yesterday. There was 6 of us. My friend invited two of her friends and I invited two of my friends. The last time I met with her friends I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t believed that I related to them. A couple of the things they were talking about mad me feel uncomfortable. Like for instance worst date experience and smoking edibles. That’s not something I want to talk about. Nevertheless, I felt sad and I judged myself as being different. Her friend aren’t people I would be friends with. But, I also felt upset my friend and I didn’t get a chance to talk. This time I thought that by having two of my friends I would be much more comfortable. Again, left feeling uncomfortable and anxious that It sucks because my friends enjoyed themselves and wants to hang out again together and I don’t. I believe being introvert and socially anxious plays a role. But also I hate to say I don’t really want to be friends with her friends. If it was just my friends I would have been more comfortable but I would still like to hangout one on one. Although part of me wants to get outside my comfort zone, I want to also accept who I am. Maybe I don’t need to hang out in groups for now if I’m not enjoying myself. Maybe it would be better if we were actually doing something fun I could enjoy. I’ve tried to hang out with her friends twice and it’s clear we’re not a match. Should I look at this as an opportunity to grow and get more practice in a group setting? Or should I accept that I have a preference and that’s okay. The fact that I’m even open to meeting as a group shows my willingness to grow. But I just don’t feel fulfilled as a would in a group setting. I’m trying to find a balance between being true to who I am and growing as a person.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First, its impossible to like or be friends with everyone, we are all so different from each other. But try to look for what you may have in common, and you just might be surprised.
You are entitled to pick and choose those with whom
Not everyone is comfortable in large groups, many prefer either being by themselves or with just one other person a a time.
So don't be so hard on yourself or put yourself down, because you didn't fit well with the people you described.
So I think you should honor your own preferences and live whatever ife style makes you happiest. If you are interested in growing, or possibly changing, try small steps a a time, and see where it leads. But if not, that's okay too.
Just be sure to keep on being your own best friend. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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YOu won't do anything you are ready for yet. I used to be a total introvert. Introverts can be social and enjoy being around other people but are much more quiet and content to just listen to the extroverts who are the ones who tend to start things...like planning the dinner party. I also had extreme social anxiety and had it at the earliest age I could remember which was 3 or 4. My Mom was an introvert, Dad, the opposite. Eventually, in my senior year HS I was terrified that I was not going to be able to navigate the adult world with my anxiety and introvertism holding me back. So I prayed and what I heard to do, is exactly the same as I found in a library book by a psychologist on how to overcome anxiety. But this I saw decades after I had changed with what God told me. Not trying to make this a religious thing, just informational that what I did is what a Dr. will recommend.
I was so desperate to change I was willing to do whatever it took, no matter how uncomfortable or terrified I was during the process. So the question you need to ask yourself is whether you want to be healed of anxiety which it sounds a little like when you are in contact with people you personally haven't chosen, who click with you. In life, you won't always have people around you that you like, you will face, as I have many ugly people, not in looks but in their character or others you really don't like being around, and others you plain old can't stand for an hour or an evening. Personally, I feel that what I did to get me out of my comfort zone, lose anxiety and some introverted ness, actually has helped me to tolerate or be able to handle the more difficult for me to like, people. I am mostly extrovert now but about 1 quarter still introvert. I know when I am doing this as I am being quiet too long without adding in my 2 cents on a conversation and someone will ask if I am okay, because they know me as more talkative, outgoing. I feel people can be a balance of both. So if you want to be like that, more than you want to figure a way to avoid those girls you felt you had nothing in common to talk about, girls who were not interesting to you, then thats your choice. You would have to tell your friend in private that you have tried often enough but find it is too difficult to enjoy some people. Not that they are bad people but that your personality just doesn't feel comfortable with them. Maybe those two friends of your friend are total extroverts where no topic is bad and they love to share stuff that others prefer to keep personal and quiet. I know what you mean about feeling out of place when with people you can't click with in conversation. I still find that at times in a group. I focus listening to one conversation and if I can't connect with the topic or the people seem mentally and emotionally so far below me that I can't connect, I will simply refocus on another conversation. Or if an a setting of one conversation or just present at someones home and not comfortable, I will pretend to have a very bad headache coming on or act as if it mores of a migraine if you've ever had one so it doesn't sound fishy. I have acted so well that a host ran and got me their Advil and handed me two tablets and a cup of water to take it. Of course, I pretended to put them in my mouth and took a sip of water and once they'd turned away, slipped the pills in a pocket. I gave it twenty mi nutes then announced it wasn't working, but worse and I must go. It is rare i find myself feeling trapped in a situation I end up not liking. Don't do anything you aren't willing or ready to do. If making fake excuses and leaving is what you are most comfortable, then do it. If you'd rather tell your friend and both of you agree to only meet with each other and if she meets with other friends to not invite you to that event. Or if you feel you are tired of not beings as comfortable and adaptable to any group setting, no matter what kind of people, then I am willing to share the list of what steps I took to get over it. Its simple, you go at your own pace. I was scared each time I mastered one level and the new level was scary to me, but I did it. It didnt take long as I practiced almost daily, or whenever I came into contact with strangers, yes, with strangers, people I had never ever met. If ready, you can ask me by going to my column Dragonflymagic, and asking for it from there. That way only I get the request rather than it going out for all columnists to see, when they'd have no idea what you are asking for. If you choose otherwise, its not wrong, just where you are at, how your personality is and people are diverse, not the exact same or we'd all be robots.
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