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Deep Longing for Monastic Life
Since I was 17 I've once in a while felt the overwhelming urge, deep in my soul, to become a nun or to live some sort of quiet, monastic life, shielded from society with time to focus on spirituality in an inner sense.
The trouble is that these visions feel detached from who I am the rest of the time? Like, when they go away, then I just kind of feel like I have to focus on school and get on with my life.
I'd like to think the visions and feeling of longing goes away just because my circumstances are kind of shitty and my life isn't all that great yet. I'm wondering if I have to get my bearings in the normal real world first and kind of build up a sense of who I am, and then maybe if I'm able to make a really good life for myself, there will come a time when I can take monastic life seriously.
I really do believe in meditation, and a deep life of just prayer and inner commitment. I think, realistically, I could thrive in those environments. But I'm on a medication right now that I'm determined to get off of, and that's causing stress and taking up so much time, that it's like the spiritual side is waiting for a better opportunity.
Does anyone have experience with monastic life? Living as a monk or a nun? Would anyone recommend ways of maybe starting prep-work to make that more a reality like maybe 10 years in the future?
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Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Spirituality?
You don't have to be a nun or a Monk to have spirituality in your life or feel fulfilled. I think what you are looking for is something tangible and not influenced by any organized religion or specific religious tenets.
You really have to ask yourself "what is it that is my core spiritual beliefs?" and live by those and try to live morally and within that parameter.
The real world does seem to be something that revolves pretty fast but you should unplug from social media (it's really toxic) and background nose and tune in to what makes you feel whole or ideas you want to work on.
The other thing is you don't have to be on a full 365/7 tilt with spirituality either or totally connected to God. He's always there guiding when you need him. Don't force this. Sometimes we have to do more listening to him than actual praying or to our own selves to reach healing. Lead a normal life and do the best you can.
You can easily balance all the activities you enjoy and be happy and not ultra religious or a Monk or Nun. However, if you really desire doing that in future you can always read books, consult Internet or even try to arrange talking to one and seeing what their world is like.
As far as medication goes what is it for and how long have you been on it with these feelings that it's bad for you and preventing you from life you want? If it's psychiatric in nature you need to keep a journal about how these moods and thoughts go up and down and anything especially about self-harm.
Show that to your shrink. He or she won't judge but will use it rather as a guide to change meds to something else that will work for you or your dosage so you get the right things out of it.
Never try to ween yourself off of any psychiatric drug as that can be dangerous and lead to crisis and put you right back at square 1 continously if you aren't following treatment and getting out in front of the illness so you're in control and it's in the background.
The thing is and this is just a hunch as I'm not a doctor and rather for what it's worth you might want to look into whether or not you fit the criteria for being bipolar as these thoughts above and constant mood changes can be part of that and you may not know that's the issue unless you speak up and out.
If you want off the medication by all means discuss it with the doctor and how upset you are on it and be incredibly honest and get support. Don't put it on you. They're professionals and will get it right for you.
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What you have said got me thinking about an inspirational talker I have subscribed to on Facebook, a Jay Shetty. Since you asked for someone with experience living monastic life, I thought of him. He spent 9 years as a monk but is now living a regular life. He focuses on retraining our minds. Says there are no classes one can take that teach how to think. So he wrote a book, 'how to think like a Monk'. You may benefit from reading that. You can find many videos, his face-book page or other articles on line by using his name. Then decide if you'd rather write to him or get the book first and see if that helps you. So, enjoy what you can learn from him and I doubt you will need to become a nun. You want to avoid becoming to reliant on the rituals of such a life because that is the doing/moving part of our existence, the physical part. Ritual isn't bad but causes people to lose focus on their thoughts and what can solve many peoples issues or make their life happier is retraining our minds. And that is what I try to do every day.
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