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Annoying Former Boss
I was working at a store for several years, and my boss and I became very close. We were both single so we spent a lot of time together and became great friends. I was also like her personal assistant because I did many things for her while on and off the job. Later on I got married and then I became pregnant, so I quit the job. My husband and I were looking for a new apartment. My former boss told me that her neighbor was moving out of the building, and that we can have the apartment (she is related to the landlord). Our rent is very cheap so I was thrilled. However, once I moved in, my former boss began asking me to do favors for her again (we live right above the store). At first I said ok, but then this became a constant thing. She would knock on my door at all hours of the day and night and ask if I can do things as if I were still working for her, except that I am not getting paid. She'll ask me to fill out forms and fax paperwork for her, call her insurance company, etc. And she does not take no for an answer! This is extremely annoying. I am a new mother and I don't have time to run her errands for her. Also, my husband is getting quite annoyed with this and it's causing us to argue. I'm scared that if I tell her no she will be angry or even kick us out. This has caused me to avoid her, and it's very uncomfortable and awkward living here. What should I do, and how can I get her to leave me alone without offending her? Or should I just move and struggle with a more expensive place?
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Id be wondering why the former neighbor and person living in your apartment left if its so inexpensive. It may have been for the same or a similar reason, they didn't like having her for a neighbor. My husband and I once lived in an apt complex where we befriended our manager. Then one day she retired and we got a new manager. Soon after, out of the blue our ex manager I'll call Jean, showed up and told us she bought a trailer home with two bedrooms and told us she would rent the bedroom to us with use of common spaces for less than we were paying. We jumped on it. Little did we know she was exhibiting signs of dementia and she was in her late forties, too early for being senile due to age so we didn't expect it. We were there only three weeks before we couldnt handle her imagined grievances, not understanding anything we said, twisting things around in her mind, imagining people who never came to the door, and angry usually at me and accusing me of all sorts of things to my husbands face, none of which were true and my dear husband in private said he knew I was not the problem and agreed it was some kind of dementia we couldn't see when she was our apt manager. It was so bad we called everyone we knew asking if they knew anyone who could take us in and within days, we were moved into a trailer someone had on their property. So I understand about moving into a living space that ends up not a good situation. Where it differs is that she has you over a barrel, cus if you stand up to her, refuse to do what she asks, she could possibly influence her family relation who owns the place and rents it out. I don't know how thick blood is here and whether the owner would side with her. But if you have contact with your landlord, it could be helpful to ask to have a private talk with them. Let them know you love the place and your neighbor isn't a bad person but has been taking advantage of you, falling into habits of treating you like an employee and acting like your boss. You have not stood up to her because you fear her retaliation in making up some horrendous story to them and begging the landlord/relative to kick you out. If you get the okay from the landlord that your living there is not going to be canceled depending on your ex bosses reaction, then it might be worthwhile to stand up to her and let her know she is asking too many favor and giving you too many tasks. You are friends and as such you don't mind doing a once in a while favor like one thing or two a month but daily is not working for you. Suggest that she hire someone to work part time for her doing all these things she is telling you to do. Then she can get mad or whatever or threaten and complain to her relative. The thing that gives you a chance is going to the landlord first before she does. If it were me, I'd be tempted to record that conversion on my cell hidden in a pocket so you can prove what was said.
You can move and avoid all this hassle. But I suspect that it is possible that you learning to stand up for yourself might be an experience you need to go through so if things aren't resolved here and you simply move, then its possible the opportunity to learn from the lesson will come another way in your future. I have had it happen to me, a testing or sorts after I made my stand and mine was with my ex husband. Someone I met before I married second husband was sharing an apt with me and when I wouldn't allow him to treat me as my ex did, he simply disappeared and left me with the whole apt to pay for which I couldn't, thats the reason I was sharing an apt. That was my test to see if I'd cave in as I did with the ex until I finally got brave and left. In my test, I did the right thing and so two months later I met the man I married. My testing came even though I did the right thing, it was for me to know that I had truly learned to stand up for myself and since then, I have been so happy married to the man I now have. This is a sucky situation for you but you will have to face it now or later in another situation. I wish you the best.
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This is a real invasion of personal space. Your personal time and your family time. She does not understand boundaries, and is very selfish. I don't think that there is anything you can do that will change her. I think you should tell her that you are moving, and if there is the slimiest chance that she could change, that would be the catalyst. She may say, "but I thought the place was perfect and you were happy." You could say that you and your family need more privacy. If she doesn't get the message, and start to give you more time to yourselves, well then you know she will never change. If she gets angry, well that means that she only thinks you are there for her benefit. And you don't want to live with that. I think you are stuck in the middle with your husband, who wants it to stop, but is not offering to speak up for you and the family. I know it will be more expensive somewhere else, but peace is priceless. Good luck to you.
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