Member Since: May 5, 2020
Answers: 15
Last Update: October 4, 2021
Visitors: 1421
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I am 27 my BF 27.
I am in a long distance relationship for five years. We see each other 2/3 times a year. My boyfriend is very caring and nice. And off course I trust him a lot.
A few months back a saw a girl commenting on few of his post. and by her comment it seems like they chat sometimes. She always reacts with love react to his post. and sometimes comments praising his singing.
Now my BF has other female friends, they are his classmates and colleagues. And I am not insecure about them at all. But this girl is not his classmate or colleague.
Now I am not saying that he is having something with her. Like I said earlier I trust him completely. But I don't know why I have this weird feeling that the girl has a crush on my BF and she is trying to impress him. Should I do something about it? It is bothering me a lot. I didn't ask my bf about the girl yet. Should I ask him? How can I ask him? or should I just ignore it?
BTW we don't share our couple picture online or post anything about our relationship online. As me and my BF both are very private person. Our close friends and family members know about our relationship. But we don't showoff online. (link)
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Hi, thanks for writing. I can understand your confusion. Relationships are hard, especially long distance ones. Yet your relationship has lasted a long time under those conditions, and that is unusual. I believe you are correct in your statements that you think she is trying to impress him and get his attention. She has no way of knowing that he is in a relationship. Because you both agreed to keep that private. So what is he doing to discourage her? Anything? Or more to the point...is he doing anything to encourage her? Like responding to her comments. She could take that as a sign that she could get to know him better. This is why long distance relationships are hard. At your age, 27, has there been any talk between the two of you to make the relationship more solid? Spend more time together? Plan for the future? At least change your status to "in a relationship". You are very patient, but it has to be hard on you. I believe it would be ok to ask him about taking the relationship to the next level. Just to clarify where the relationship is going. If he likes things TOO much just the way they are, then it may be that he won't be making a commitment even down the road. And if you are OK with that, then I guess you'll have to accept that other women may from time to time, explore the possibility of a relationship with him, since to all outward appearances, he does not seem to be in one. Good luck to you
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I have been going through a really tough time. My serious relationship of 3 yeas ended. The guy ditched me just before marriage. This my 3rd relationship failure. I'm 32. People around me are getting married and kids. I don't have many friends. I'm alone ans cry everyday. My confidence is shaking. I don't hv anyone to share my deepest feelings. I regret many things in life. I feel anxiety thinking about
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=666294#ixzz6HK8mB7m2 (link)
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Dear Friend,
I am sorry for your troubles. But where there is life, there is hope. You will find happiness and someone to love you and be supportive. And you will look back on the three relationships that did not work out, and you'll be glad that they didn't. I didn't get married for the first time until I was 31. I was no kid, but I was still very naive.
I am in my 60's now. I have been married 3 times. Divorced twice. I am finally happy. I have been married this time for 10 years. The other marriages did not last that long. Do I wish the first 2 did not happen? Yes, except I do have my two sons who are a great source of joy and pride. ANd it is not too late for you. The best way to forget an old love is to find a new love. And you will. There are billions of people in the world. You only need to find one. And I have always thought that is is best to meet someone while doing something you are interested in, and if that person is interested in the same thing, that you have that in common, you have that to talk about and build a friendship and eventually a relationship. I know its hard and it hurts. I have suffered, emotionally. And blamed myself. But once the dust settled, and I thought about it....my first two husbands set out to fool me, to control me and to keep me in the dark while they could and did do whatever they wanted. But I persevered. You are OK. Don't think of having 3 failures behind you. Think of it as 3 close calls that could have ended badly. You dodged a bullet.
I don't' know what your situation is with Covid. If you can get out or not. There is not a lot of advice I can give you, since I don't know a lot about you. But if you care to write again and tell me something about your life. I will be happy to give you more advice about meeting someone. I'd like to help. Take care. Michele L.
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Thank you for reading my question.
I am just confused and will like some help on gender identity. Here we go….
I have been assigned the gender of a girl, but I don't always feel that way. Before you start to think "Transgender?", let me get to a point.
For example, one day I feel feminine. I look in the mirror and I absolutely love my body. But the next day I look in the mirror and I hate it so much. (Wait, I'm not done yet.) Then the day after that, I look in the mirror and I don't really care. As in, I don't feel feminine or even masculine. That was just an example. Each feeling could last a few days at the most.
Sometimes, and this just makes it more confusing, I want to wear makeup while wearing a tomboy outfit. Or even the other way around. I want to wear a dress, but no makeup.
This might seem like normal, but I am just very confused on my gender. I think I have one, but sometimes I feel like I don't. But I know that I'm not agender. Please help me.
Thank you so very much. (link)
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Hello. I wish you had said how old you are, but I will answer anyway. But I imagine you are young and still creating your identity. I don't' think there is anything wrong with feeling feminine one day and masculine the next. After all, you are bombarded with images of both, all day and every day. To me this is no different that wanting to be a super hero with super powers and imagining what it would be like to have them. So if you are young, this is normal. By that I would say, under age 25. As you get older and make lasting friendships with people you meet in college or on the job, you may want to maintain a consistent image. You may settle on the one you are the most comfortable with. And you might keep that gender image for the rest of your life. Or you may not. I have a young friend who was married with children. In her thirties. I don't know what made her attracted to a certain woman, but it happened and she is now 100% sure she is a lesbian. And she is not with that same woman, but has continually sought out the company of women. The opposite can happen also. And I think it can happen any time in a person's life. There is nothing wrong with any of it. There is no "right" way to feel. Though, for those of us who are born with a certain gender and are comfortable with that their whole lives; well I guess their lives are easier. That part of it anyway. But for those are are still questioning, well I believe that in time, they will find something they are comfortable with. However, wearing a tom boy outfit with makeup is GREAT. Why not! and wearing a feminine dress with no make up is also very natural and very beautiful. Here is what I think....I think you are very beautiful, inside and out, and anything and every look you decide to go with, suits you just fine. You don't have to "define" yourself unless you are ready to. And don't let anyone else define you. Good luck to you dear!
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I’ll start by saying that I am of a legal drinking age. But I’ve never done ANYTHING sexually. Other then with my own hand. So this is embarrassing please be nice. With that being said I want a vibrator but I’m embarrassed to go in to an adult store and say I want a vibrator. I know I could order one but I don’t want one of parents getting it. Because sometimes they don’t pay attention to who’s stuff they are opening. Should I just ask my mom for help or just buck up and go get one? Like if your a mom would you want your daughter coming to you asking for a vibrator or would you rather not know? If you would say to ask her how would I even bring it up? If your wondering my mom is pretty cool but I know when my sister told her how many partners she’s had my mom did not want to know. I also know my mom has vibrators.
Sorry it’s so long!! Please help though!!! (link)
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Well, let me add this. The girls in the shop are trained to make all customers feel at ease. They know that some customers are embarrassed. And they will know that you are a new customer. I think you'll only feel uncomfortable for a little while. I think it is great that you want to try a vibrator. I am sure you won't be disappointed.
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I live in a house with an 85-year-old who had cancer surgery in March and a 64-year-old mother, a brother in his 30's and a small child. I have been very careful to wear a mask and gloves and obey for the past 5 months every health stipulation to do with Covid-19.
Not to get political because the disease is not a political thing but in the U.S. they've rushed things in some states and the president hasn't helped by denying the existance of it at first and not trusting the experts like Fauci.
One of the things that has led to surge of cases is reopening bars, night clubs and virtually every other business you can think of in some areas. Doing so has resulted in spike of cases and some deaths.
Meanwhile, I live in Canada where they've closed the border and until recently you couldn't even gather with more than 5 people at a time. What has happened here is that there's 4 stages of reopening. We just entered Stage 3 which allows nearly all attractions, movie theaters and bars to reopen.
I have ZERO interest in bars, nightclubs, performance venues, indoor restaurant dining or any establishment that could be a breading ground for the disease.
I would just like to go downtown to the aquarium or even to the park, a museum or anything having been holed up here for 5 months with the same people.
My mother refuses to let me go anywhere but Wal-Mart or the corner store and always asks me where I'm going or if I want to kill my father and everyone else in the house by dragging Covid-19 in. It's an enormous guilt trip and I would like to have my freedom back. I get that she's paranoid and the reason for it and that she thinks things will end up like America. We've taken months to reach where we are and health experts have got us here.
I'm not trying to be selfish but I think if health experts have required businesses and attractions to submit a proposal for opening and are adhering to strict rules that it's not an issue to visit these places if you have a mask, gloves and are being bloody careful.
The only indoor venue I would want to go to that is iffy is a movie theater but not until I knew nobody who went to one here became ill. They have limited occupancy to 50 people per screen and blocked off seats and entire sections in the theaters and it's all reserved. You have to wear mask and gloves the entire time you are there.
I'm hoping you will have ideas on what I can do to get her to see that while nothing is 100% safe that this is as good as it gets and public health can shut businesses down for non-compliance with rules.
She also doesn't want me to go to parks for exercise or large ones downtown with a zoo or take public transit anywhere. I can understand the transit part but being outdoors is important.
I'm more concerned for my own mental health than anything else because these are the only 5 people I have interacted with other than my aunt for months and have been holed up in my room otherwise. I need to get out of this place.
Before Covid-19 I was going to theater, comedy clubs, major attractions and movies. It was incredibly difficult for me when that ceased and I had to find other outlets and things to do from home. You can't stay sheltered in one place for too long. (link)
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Hi, I understand how you feel. I am a senior citizen, but I said to my husband, if I were young......well, you would be hard put to keep me home. I always went where I wanted, when I wanted, and nothing could stop me. But I never had a pandemic to deal with. Being a senior I also understand how your mom feels. But she is maybe over-reacting. Let me make a few suggestions.
I suggest a small start. Contact the museum in town and find out what they are doing to keep patrons safe. Are they disinfecting? Do they require masks. Do they make it easy to keep a safe distance. To they enforce their own rules. And I wonder if they can tell you if they have had any cases. (maybe not) But lets say they are very strict. And if you promise to also maintain a safe social distance and wear a mask, then maybe she will agree. You are more likely to catch something at WalMart, than the museum. Are you shopping for the family. If you are it seems selfish that she would allow you to potentially expose yourself to the virus for sake of their comfort, but can't go to a low risk venue for your mental health. WalMart's are high risk because people don't always comply with wearing a mask and the employee's are loath to enforce the rules and get sh*t from the patrons. A museum is low risk. Everyone knows that. Then don't push it, but the following week, take the same tact with another safe place. Choose one, maybe a movie theater, find out their rules, find out if they are enforced, agree to follow them, and take precautions yourself. Can you get around without using public transport. Because that is high risk. In this country, restaurants, beaches, bars, Walmarts' and public transport have all been blamed for a rise in cases. Not museums, aquariums and parks. Your mental healthh is important too. And if we knew a date when all this would stop. Then possible we could be patient. I can be patient, cause I'm old. You have other issues. One more thing, you can stay away from people once you return home from your day trip. Do you have two bathrooms. If not, promise to disinfect after each time you use it. A spray bottle with bleach and water mix. (the formula is on line) will kill the virus in a few minutes. I am paying close attention to what is going on in this country, and what I see is the people who are not taking this seriously, that are taking chances, are getting sick and spreading it. I go out, I have to go to work also. I always wear a mask, and plastic gloves too. And I always social distance, and use hand sanitizer too. A LOT. I know you'll be very careful. Because you care for your family and would not want to bring anything home to them. They should try to meet you half way. Good luck to you.
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I was working at a store for several years, and my boss and I became very close. We were both single so we spent a lot of time together and became great friends. I was also like her personal assistant because I did many things for her while on and off the job. Later on I got married and then I became pregnant, so I quit the job. My husband and I were looking for a new apartment. My former boss told me that her neighbor was moving out of the building, and that we can have the apartment (she is related to the landlord). Our rent is very cheap so I was thrilled. However, once I moved in, my former boss began asking me to do favors for her again (we live right above the store). At first I said ok, but then this became a constant thing. She would knock on my door at all hours of the day and night and ask if I can do things as if I were still working for her, except that I am not getting paid. She'll ask me to fill out forms and fax paperwork for her, call her insurance company, etc. And she does not take no for an answer! This is extremely annoying. I am a new mother and I don't have time to run her errands for her. Also, my husband is getting quite annoyed with this and it's causing us to argue. I'm scared that if I tell her no she will be angry or even kick us out. This has caused me to avoid her, and it's very uncomfortable and awkward living here. What should I do, and how can I get her to leave me alone without offending her? Or should I just move and struggle with a more expensive place? (link)
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This is a real invasion of personal space. Your personal time and your family time. She does not understand boundaries, and is very selfish. I don't think that there is anything you can do that will change her. I think you should tell her that you are moving, and if there is the slimiest chance that she could change, that would be the catalyst. She may say, "but I thought the place was perfect and you were happy." You could say that you and your family need more privacy. If she doesn't get the message, and start to give you more time to yourselves, well then you know she will never change. If she gets angry, well that means that she only thinks you are there for her benefit. And you don't want to live with that. I think you are stuck in the middle with your husband, who wants it to stop, but is not offering to speak up for you and the family. I know it will be more expensive somewhere else, but peace is priceless. Good luck to you.
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I’m gonna try and keep this as short as possible but basically my parents have always had a rocky marriage with multiple explosive arguments they’ve refused to get a divorce and it’s been about 25 years of marriage together. My mom has her specific issues with my dad and my dad has specific issues with my mom. I love both my parents but i despise their relationship and how I’ve grown up for the past 20 years of my life watching them fight over less than real problems. My mom brought up with me that she hates how my dad says she has a ton of disagreements with her siblings but she really only doesn’t talk to one of her brothers because her brother’s son abused me. My father has no idea that this has occurred and is friendly with that sibling of my mother. My mom wants me to speak to my dad and tell him what happened and why he shouldn’t talk to that sibling either. I feel really pressured and annoyed that she’s pushing me to tell him because i truly do not feel comfortable having that conversation with my dad. What do i do? (link)
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Oh my dear. You have two issues here. Living with parents who do not get along, and argue in front of you, and your being sexually assaulted, but everyone is more concerned about their own issues and not with you and that you may benefit from counseling. You live with two very selfish people. The time to tell your dad about the abuse was when it happened. Not now, I don't know how much time has passed. And you should not be the person that needs to tell him. In addition, chances are your dad may not believe it, because why wait so long to tell? Or he may doubt you and ask you all kinds of questions that will hurt your feelings and might make you feel responsible. No one in that house thinks of anyone but themselves. I think you should try to get some counseling so that you will have a better chance of growing into a reliable, and self loving individual. Counseling will help you decide who you want to tell and who you do not, and will also help you cope with what might happen if more family members find out. We want to trust our parents, we expect them to protect us. That is a normal feeling, but when it doesn't happen, you can grow up with issues. You could end up in a marriage just like their's because that is all that you know. Ask yourself this question. What would you do if someone assaulted your young daughter. Fight like hell. That is what you should do. No one should get away with that. You said you have lived with them for 20 years. SO you are a young adult. It is time to learn to love yourself, and not to count on your parents for the tools and skills you will need to grow up happy and healthy in life. I urge you to try. I hope that you do. - Michele
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Hi! I’ve been searching for free sites that gives advices and stumbled on your site.
I’m 16 years old and I live in the Philippines. I’ll be on senior high school on September and I have to choose what strand to take. However, I am so confused on what to take. I don’t know where i see myself in 5-10 years. I don’t know what’s my passion and what I love doing. I dont know what career do i want. I really don’t know and it bothers, it frustrates me a lot. Please help me find things out. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much!
sincerely,
julia. (link)
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HI Julia,
It is not unusual at your age, to not be sure what you want to do, or where you see yourself as an adult. But it is good to ask these questions. And you may get some insight by thinking about the people in your life. Not just family members, but acquaintances and even people whom you have only met once. Who do you admire? What person would you love to have lunch with and pick their brain? How about income. Do you want a career that will give you financial security. Look at the people who make a difference in your community? Do you admire them? Do you want to stay in your country or try another one. In what areas do you have some talents or gifts. Artistic? Music? Math? Photography? Will you be able to go on to college in your chosen field? And don't think you have to have all of the answers now, you can change directions in college. Lots of people do. The point is you are your and you have time to explore. Do you want to save the environment, you can take courses in that in college. Do you want to find a cure for cancer? You can take medical courses in college. Become a scientific researcher. I you want to make documentary films? You can take courses in that. Of course I know that college is expensive, but you did not say that it was out of the question. But that is the best avenue to take if you can, so that you will have more choices in life. The more education you have, the more you will be able to control where you do go in life. And let me make one more last suggestion. You may fall in love, you may find the perfect person that you want to spend your life with. So many have us have thought that, and ended up disappointed And I am not saying that will happen. But if you have an education and a career. You will be in a better position to handle whatever happens. So I suggest, no marriage and no children until you have finished your education. I wish you the best of luck. - Michele L
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I am sixteen years old. my dad has never ever told me he loves me. He is always avoiding me, or when he doesn't it is only because he wants something.
how do I get him to love me? is it my fault that he doesn't? (link)
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Hi Dear,
You are absolutely not at fault. Your father has some problems that he cannot or will not deal with. It could be that he is treating you the way he was treated when he grew up, by his own father. He could even be jealous of you and your youth, because maybe he wasted his. Did achieve all that he had hoped. You just work on yourself. You get a good education, so that you can go far in life, and not worry about what people who are emotional midgets, feel about you. Sure it's sad. Sure we all wish our parents could be like the ones we see on TV or in movies, but we all do not get that kind of parent. There are LOTS of lousy parents out there. You can have a happy and a great life. By loving yourself. Find something you are passionate about and pursue it. Some day your dad will need you more than you need him, and maybe he'll apologize. He probably thinks your too young to understand why he avoids you. I can tell you, it is usually guilt. And if he tried to explain it to you, it wouldn't even make sense, because you would think: "That's really silly". But people are sometimes crippled by their guilt and emotions. My mom was a terrible person. She finally became a nice person at the age of 90! when she was put on medication for dementia. She was actually nice to me then. But don't wait as long as i did (38) to get over that my parents did not show love and support to me when I was young. It was not me. I certainly deserved it. I didn't ask to be born! Right. But I wish I had learned sooner, to stop worrying about what they thought. So don't wait until you are 38, just know that it was nothing that you did. Your lovable. I promise.
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Being the only child of my parents, I was reared up in a very gender neutral environment. My parents are very broad minded and liberal. They have never stopped me from doing anything in life. They are very encouraging and supportive. On the other hand, my in-laws are very Orthodox and selfish and male-chauvinistic.Its been a year now that I got married to their son and they are constantly trying to dictate over my life.They wants me to observe some Indian hindu religious rituals on daily basis.I made it clear once that I am a secular person and won't observe them. They got offended and rebuked me by saying "it's irrelevant what you believe and don't. You had rights over your faith system when unmarried. Now that you are married and the head of the family is your father-in-law,you are bound to do what he says".I didn't respond to his tyrannical way of speaking because my parents has taught me to show respect to my elders.But I made the point clear with my husband and he was not very supportive at first but with time he stopped bugging me.But my in-laws haven't stopped it completely. Whenever they get a chance they try to belittle me and my thought process and sometimes humiliate my parents also by not giving importance to what they have to say.In a word, my in-laws and husband and his sister suffer from some kind of superiority complex, as my F-I-L is an ex-IAS officer(Indian Administrative Service, higher rank), and my husband is a Oxford-Cambridge master's and PhD holder, so they suffer from excessive proud and high self-esteem.They don't show respect to other humans whatsoever. They think they are always right in every aspect of life and they don't require any correction.In several occasions my husband raised hand on me.I told that to his mom.But she did nothing, not even reprimanded him for such act.She wants me to cook and take care of her son but it seems she isn't concerned about my well-being, not at all.However, my husband wants me to pursue my career and he himself applies so many places for my PhD and helps me with my career so genuinely.But he continues to abuse me both mentally and physically for not conceding his opinions and forces me into mending things with them and behave normally.If it wasn't for USA, I would have left him long ago.But I am stuck in the USA with him and have no means to go back to my parents right now due to COVID-19 situation. He turned me into a violent person let alone a better person. My health is deteriorating and I am diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression.His behaviour with me seems normal to his parents and they don't see any inhumanity in it as they also are like this.I am literally tormented.What should I do? (link)
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My Dear, It all sounds awful. And it will get worse when you have children. I am afraid your husband will always side with his parents over you. Your husband will come first, then the kids, and you will always be last. It is a very old fashioned marriage you have. I am American born, but I have read a lot of books about life in India, and how women are treated. How the caste system works. And your right it is awful. What do your parents have to say? Since you have a diagnosis of your current physical and emotional condition, then you have seen a doctor. Can you confide in that person? But you are here in the USA. SO you have rights here, that you may not have in your country, where I assume your parents are. And they may support you, but you know how all of your relatives and your husband's relatives will think of you. It won't be easy. But I think you should leave him, you should divorce him and you should NOT have any children with him, as you may leave later in the future, and you won't be able to see the kids. It won't be easy, but what is the alternative? Living like this for the rest of your life? I wouldn't do it. I got a divorce from my first husband, and I had two small boys. It was almost 30 years ago now. My life was so much better. You have an education, get yourself out of there and get a position, and go to work and support yourself. If you have any relatives from your parents side of the family, living in the US, go to them, and start your life over. The first step is the hardest. Good luck to you.
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I am a 17 year old boy from India. In my school I had a classmate whom I didn't get along so well. Even today after two years of graduating out of school, he still continues to persist me at reunions. The thing is he still bullies me because I don't have the confidence to go up and talk to girls. I mean he has better social life than me. I am trying to overcome that anxiety though. With that point he continuously roasts me in front of everyone. But if I give back or retaliate all he says is this- 'No one is talking to you'. This makes me even more pissed. And plus I can't find any weak spot of his to roast him back. I am fed up. I literally see his face and I am so disgusted. And plus nobody will be ready to support me. How do I deal with him alone? I need your advice. (link)
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Hi, I hope I can add some additional advice. You say this "bully" graduated two years ago? Then why can't you just avoid him? You mentioned reunions, and in my experience, they happen maybe once a year. Maybe you mean "get -togethers". IN any event, you are not with this person on a daily basis. So try to build up your confidence by approaching girls when he is not around. Then if you find one that you like, and she likes you back, (for who you are), then it won't matter what he thinks. Because in the end, it does not matter what he thinks. You are letting him get to you. But building up your confidence will make that happen less often. First approach girls with friendship. Or get more comfortable talking to girls that you are not attracted to. Then use the same approach with girls that you want to get to know better, and while you'll feel nervous inside, hopefully it won't show outside. And just avoid this @hole. Don't go to the reunions. Make new friends, more friends and avoid people who do not respect other people. Who needs that in their life. and remember. Your teenage years are a very short time in your life. (although I certainly know it does not seem that way) But it is true. When you are a young adult, working or going to college. you'll probably will not see many of the people you went to high school with. Then I predict, when you attend you 25 class reunion, you will be a successful person with a beautiful wife and very successful, and that bully, will be driving a garbage truck, and on his 3rd marriage. Look at the successful people in your life. They were all young once, many of them were bullied, and what they did not know at the time, but that they know now. It ends. Bullying ends when you move on with your life and leave those losers behind. You have so much more to offer. Nice guys do NOT finish last. They finish well.
Good luck to you!
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For year’s iv’e thought my father has been verbally abusive to me our relationship has never been the way a father daughter’s relationship should be recently iv’e thought he is a narcissist father in public in front of people he act’s like the perfect father everything is fine but behind closed door’s that isn’t the case he has told me “I’ve got no brain” “I’m going to end up on the unemployment line and on food stamp’s” “He doesn’t care if he hurt’s me as long as he get’s his point across” “I’m losing at life” He like’s to put the blame on me make thing’s seem like they’re always my fault he rarely admit’s when he’s wrong he has also lifted up the table while i was eating dinner and got in my face
I feel like because iv’e reached the age i am no longer a child or minor that he feel’s like he no longer has to be a parent father to me he can stop i feel like he expect’s me to teach myself everything guide myself through life he has thrown it in my face that he teaches me everything when he is my parent father? He act’s like when it come’s to me everything is tough to do he doesn’t want to be bothered he act’s as if i’m a burden to him inconveniencing him because of him i am afraid to do thing’s around the house even something as simple as laundry i feel as if i am walking on eggshell’s i never know when he’ll strike he’ll abuse me one day then the next day he’ll talk to me act as if nothing happened don’t apologize he’ll act as if it didn’t affect me it’s like a reoccurring cycle he also like’s to mock me whether it’s mocking my word’s or action’s
Moving out isn’t a option moving in with friend’s isn’t a option either i also can’t move in with family because we all don’t live in the same state (link)
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Your father is certainly abusive, and he could very well be a narcissist. You may not be able to get away from him soon, but you really should be working towards that goal. You will find peace and you will find happiness away from this awful home. You say you are not a minor, and that's a good thing. I'm not big on the armed forces, but what if you joined one of the branches. That would at least get you out of that awful house. What about the peace corp? Although they want people with college degrees now. What about college? You may not have any desire to go, but maybe that is because your dad tells you that you are a failure at everything, so why would you want to try. I'll be if you got away from him you would be very successful. I went through the same thing with my mom. I left home at 18, and made a life for myself. I was scared to death, but I just kept putting one foot in front to the other and din't look back. It was hard. Yes, but worth it. I now have a college degree, and own my own home. My mom never changed, until she got Alzheimer.
Getting away from your dad will be the best thing that could happen to you, and you watch...he'll be calling and wanting to see you, and wanting to know how you are doing. He needs someone around to put down, so he can feel better about himself. He needs some serious therapy, but I'm sure he think's he's perfect. Make up your mind to find a job at which you can support yourself and get out. Your family, located in another state, what is the problem with going to live with them for a while. Unless they were raised by the same man. Your life is not going to change, unless you change it. Don't listen to what he says about you. You must get out, and then you will find out exactly what you are made of. You'll find that you can survive a lot, since you have already survived living with him. Good luck to you.
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I'm not sure if it's exactly "anger" or my mother just hates me. She constantly calls me "useless" "lazy" "good for nothing" and tells me I'll probably be both homeless and jobless when I grow up. And it's not like I'm a horrible kid, I get pretty much straight A's in school and she seems proud when I tell my parents about it? But it's quickly forgotten. I'm not the only one in the family she treats like that, but my brother is the baby and the favorite of the family and rarely gets that treatment, and my dad is... to put it nicely, on her side, and to put it bluntly, pretty much a pushover. My mother constantly accuses me of throwing attitude at her even when I'm clearly not (one time she screamed at me not to change my clothes every single day, as during these circumstances, we don't really do much all day, and when I tried to explain it was because we had been exercising every day and I was sweating, she just screamed at me to shut up and don't talk back). I get punished if I don't talk back too for some reason? Last time I got grounded for a week, and after that I kept my mouth shut as she was yelling, but even then she tacked another two weeks on for "attitude" I wasn't even saying anything, just trying not to look at her because if I did I would probably say something I would regret. She's pretty level headed about literally everything else except for me. She doesn't treat my dad very well either, but he seems to take it better than I do, probably because she can't really punish him unfairly. All she seems to do is threaten me, even though we didn't have a bad relationship when I was younger that I can remember. How do I deal with this? All I can do right now is pretty much hold out until college which is still four years away, but four more years of this sounds extremely painful. (link)
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And that is an awful way to have to live. My mother was like that, and I could not wait to eave home. I did wait until I was 18, left and never looked back. I took my mother's words to heart and believed internalized the names she called me. I spent many years loathing myself and didn't think I would amount to anything. I put my parents up on a pedestal. My mom picked on my dad also. Never had a nice word to say about him. Until he was dead. I always wondered why he never left her, but didn't get the chance to ask. So I had no confidence and a very low self esteem. Needless to say I made a lot of mistakes. I found out the hard way, and it took many years, that I was smart and capable and strong. I left my husband of six years (who was just like my mom) with two kids and no $. But I just kept working and putting one foot in front of the other and we got through it. After I left him, my confidence grew. I went back to college and got my degree. I now have an important job and live comfortably and consider my story a success story. It could have gone the other way. I wish I had gained some insight at an early age, but at least I got there. I found out that my mother was traumatized as a child and what her behavior towards me was due to the fact that she was suffering from a low opinion of herself. She was not valued as a child, and so did not value herself, and therefore could not value anyone else, even her immediate family members. I believe your mom is suffering also. Why would any mother talk to their child like that? But to that end. It is up to your mother to see that she is harming you, and she should get help. It is not up to you to point it out to her, because you already know how she will react. So the thought probably fills you with dread. Be 100% sure that it is not you. You've done nothing wrong. You can't please her. Please look for encouragement and a positive feed back from other adults in your life. Like your teachers. Education is your only way out of this. Don't believe a word that she says. When you do leave home, it will be scary,, because you'll still hear her words in your head. Don't be afraid. Fear can look like a great wall standing in your way, but when you put it behind you, and look back, it's just a small step. You do have a long life ahead of you, and the first 18 years or so are small by comparison. It does get better. Make a promise to yourself now, that you are going to be good to yourself. treat your self better than your parents treat you. Love yourself ( corny, I know) But it works. And make a promise to yourself now, that you will not be THAT kind of parent. When I had my first child it was not long before I caught myself acting just like my mom. I was dumbfounded. And it was not easy to change. But I did, I worked hard to be the total opposite. That is what I say to myself now. I decided that they mental illness in my family was going to stop with me, and it did. My sons are great young men and I am very proud of them. You can already see the problem here, and you can see that it is not you. If your parents are your ticket to college, than I think you should wait it out. I had to put myself through college, and that took many many years. You'll love going to school and being away from home. I know you will do well. I think your future now depends on you being patient. Good luck to you.
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I am a 17 year old guy and I am from India. I play guitar and I sing. I post the song covers on Instagram. I get all the good comments but I am in a dilemma. I feel sometimes that I don't sing good (I have a bass in my voice). I get all the good comments about my singing but I get criticism as well. Sometimes I feel I should not stop singing but sometimes I feel that I should stop singing. The good comments I get I think are just for the sake of commenting. I am really confused. I don't know what to do. I need your advice. (link)
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Well singing is wonderful and people who cannot sing still do because it makes them feel good. And that is as good a reason as any to continue. But you can always improve your voice. The secret is in the breathing. (Don't ask em how it works) Go to Youtube an watch some video's on improving your singing and learn some signing techniques. There are lots. If you learn some ways to improve your singing voice, it just may give you more confidence and the desire to continue.
And hey, you'll never get rid of all the critics. Being a critic is the easiest job in the world.
Good luck!
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I'm (female, 24)currently employed in a full-time permanent role as a HR administrator. Sounds great, right? Except it's not. I moved into this role two years ago under the guise that if I worked hard and got the necessary qualifications I'd see career progression and a bigger salary (as someone who lives at home alone with her physically/mentally-disabled-due-to-a-stroke mother, this was super important to me).
Two years later, I have the qualifications. Still, my pay hasn't changed since I started the role (though my responsibilities have increased), in fact, I earn less than the individuals who are employed in my previous position in the mail room. In addition to this, I've also developed a severe repetitive strain injury in both my arms as a result of the repetitive nature of my role (lots of typing and mouse work). So, now I'm poor and broken... awesome!
Unfortunately, as my job pays me minimally, I can't afford to see a physiotherapist about my arms. I've spoken with several GPs who offer numerous painkillers but no real solutions; one told me the issue was simply that I am weak...
As the pain in my arms progresses (I can no longer chop vegetables, vacuum the house or even sleep through the night without hurting), I have come to reluctantly accept that I need to change something. On Monday, when I go back to work, I plan to request a decrease in my working hours (35 down to 25) so that I can rest my arms for more extended periods between tasks. Financially this is not something I can do in the long-term but can do temporarily whilst I work out what else I can do.
I have also looked into going to university to complete a degree in counselling which is something I have an interest in and has the added bonus of minimal typing requirements. Unfortunately, I am unable to get on the course this September as I am not able to complete the required volunteer hours between now and then. This plan will, therefore, have to wait until 2021.
But I don't know if I can wait until 2021. I can't keep going down this route with my arms, and I spend more time crying than not; either due to physical pain, frustration over said physical pain and overall stress.
So, the advice I'm looking for is, what do I do? What jobs are out there that can hold me over for a year until I can (hopefully) go to university? What jobs don't require a university degree and have zero expectation of me being able to work long hours on the computer? Is there any resolve for my janky arms?
I'm so lost for what to do and so scared of what is going to happen to my arms as time goes on. Honestly, whilst I know this will get lost in the litter of 'new' posts that come through every day, I really do appreciate any comments or advice anyone has to give. If you've read this far, thank you.
tl;dr - Unable to continue in current role due to ongoing physical disability but have been declined for upcoming university course due to not meeting the minimum entry requirements. Looking for advice on what to do career/life wise to save arms. (link)
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Hello,
I feel your pain! No literally, I have the same issues. But I am 67, you are 24! I can’t imagine being in that kind of pain at your age, knowing that your going to need to continue to use your hands and arms for future employment. But I think I can help. I believe in natural supplements and I take some every day that help with my arthritis pain, and maybe they will help you. Your pain is really inflammation, and chronic inflammation is not good. It can cause a deterioration of the cartilage in your joints and that would lead to more pain and could even require surgery. Everyday I take 10,000 IU of Vitamin D, 500 mg of Tumeric, Fish oil capsules. Cinnamon capsuls can also help, as well as alpha lipoic acid capsuls. Some of these supplements can be found in chewable form. Also check your diet, many foods can cause inflammation. Processed foods, fast foods, sugary foods, alcohol and caffeine. Food with preservatives, artificial coloring and nitrates. You may be very prone to inflammation from these foods, and stopping them could make a huge difference. What also helps me are soft braces that I wear on my hands at night. Both hands. Keeping my hands immobile for the night, gives me many hours of pain free keyboarding the next day. At work and at home I also use (only) an ergonomically correct key board and a trac ball mouse. They day about 1 day of use to get comfortable with, but then you won’t want to be without them.
As far as your job. You have gained enough job skills to move on. Anyone with office experience and computer literacy can change jobs. You could move on to order entry, you could find work at an entry level accounting position, like accounts payable clerk. You just have to be detail oriented. I agree HR sucks. I would not like that to be my career. Every one else in the company hates the people in HR. LOL. You mentioned returning to college and I highly recommend it. But counseling? IDK. I have two friends with 4 year degrees in psychology. One drives a school bus, the other works for state’s DCF department. Aid to families and children. A thankless and stressful job. You usually have to have a master’s in psychology to make any money. I have a degree in accounting and I am doing very well. I rather work with numbers than people. But in small companies I get stuck with HR duties anyway. I have been working for 50 years. Each job I had was a stepping stone to the next. I learned something from each one. Even if it was that I know I did not want to work in that field again. You can do this.
You did not say where you live, so I don’t know if there are lots of employers in your area. If you have access to INDEED. That is a great place to find a new job. Update your resume. Never stay at a job that you don’t like. Look for opportunities wherever they may be. It can be nerve wracking to move on. And starting a new job can be intimidating. But everyone you see all got through that 1st day at the office. And the people who hired you, they already know that every job has a learning curve. You are young, and that is to your advantage. Don’t stop until you find something you are passionate about. Take care.
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