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Boyfriend going to prison soon.
Hello, I'm sixteen years old and my boyfriend just turned seventeen in January. We've been dating for about a month and a half now and I really like him! No one has treated me this well for a while. However, he's going to prison soon. He's facing up to twenty years and I don't know what to do. He's currently out on PR bond and we've discussed the aftermath.He doesn't want me to wait on him but I don't want to move on.. Any ideas on how to process this?
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I agree with your boyfriend about him not wanting you to wait
on him you’d be putting yourself through even more if you tried to wait on him it’s not like he is going to prison then getting out why put yourself through even more hurt when causing even more can be avoided? No matter how much you don’t want to move on from him you need to for yourself it isn’t fair right to you to only visit him in prison have time limit’s be limited to how much you see him how much time you can spend with him that isn’t a relationship you’re young you deserve better you don’t deserve to constantly see your boyfriend in a prison setting sadly there isn’t much you can do right now expect be considerate of yourself you can’t change the fact that your boyfriend is going to prison or that he doesn’t want you waiting on him that is his decision he is thinking of you you need to do the same and think of yourself you owe it to yourself right now to focus on you since the situation is a difficult one and out of your control
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Hi dear. I'm sure that what you've read so far isn't what you wanted to hear. Unfortunately for your hopes, there isn't much you can do other than be a friend and visit him in jail. However as to being more than friends, you'll have to trust those who are older and whose frontal lobe of the brain is done growing and mature at mid twenties, like 24 to 26 for example. Why is this important? Humans require a fully mature front lobe to make the best decisions possible for their life and see possible consequences down the road. At 16, you're also probably tired of hearing that you're not old enough. You already know that due to puberty and the changes in your body, you feel ready for a boyfriend and choosing wisely sa to who that shall be. But a mature body doesn't mean a mature brain yet. Until that time, you will have to kind of do what you did here, try to get advice, but for every thing you decide to do that is a major change, getting pierced, tats, who you'll date, what elective courses you take and where you'll go to college are all things that are important. Any change you want to do should be bounced off an older person like a parent, aunt, even a friends Mon. Here is a link to an article that explains
this phenomenom.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
So I hope you see that any advice you ask of those who are past their mid twenties is not going to line up with what you want right now. What your situation is can all be understood with great clarity by you someday looking back but you don't want to look back over a road that was horrible, with hard luck, heart break, dead ends, and generally getting off track. You can make better choices if you can trust not just me or advice 4 teens whom I totally agree with. If you can at least trust that scientists are correct on this, then you know you have to do a better job of making choices that will affect your near and far future and right now, you are handicapped by a brain unable to make good decisions. You will think your choices are all great. Not a bad way to feel here and now but the future?
Who I liked as a teen does not come anywhere near what I ended up liking in a man right now. I went through the hardships, married a church goer who ended up a wolf in sheep's clothing, verbally abusive, and lots of bad traits, never helping, always blaming, no love, pitiful sex, and on and on. I went through the hard experiences, married at 20, long before My brain was mature enough to know better. I thought marrying someone who attended church would greaten my chances of him turning out to be good in the long run. I was wrong. Looking back, I now realize there were warning signs I didn't see. And that was due to not having a mature complete frontal lobe at that time. I also stayed too long with him, til the kids moved out.
His one thing he asks that you not wait for him sounds like a good decision but I know you won't s see it that way. It comes down to you taking a chance to gather input and advice from a few older people in your life before you make any decision.
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The reality is that this person is going to prison for a reason and if he's been given 20 years it was likely for something quite violent perhaps even murder or manslaughter.
It's evident that you are on the wrong track and with the wrong crowd if this person is your boyfriend. That is a wakeup call and needs to set in that you might even find yourself in trouble associating with the people you are.
He's going away for 20 years which is a hell of a long time and has thrown his life away at age 17. The likelihood you will want to be in a relationship with someone for that long isn't there. If you want to support him and visit do that but realize any kind of real relationship inside or out of prision isn't reality.
Romance wise and life wise you need to live your own life because he's not getting out any time soon. You have to progress and in time you'll get your life on track and find the right person. It just won't be him and he realizes it even if you don't see it yet.
What I would do is really look inward and figure out where you want to be and correct the mistakes that led to you being involved with someone who is going to be going to prision for a long time and deal with those feelings and move forward. There's nothing wrong about seeing a therapist for this either if something keeps you from moving forward.
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