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Am i weird?
So I know this girl and we both went to highschool together. I've always admired her and I wanted to be friends with her but I was always so shy and when she did talk to me I'd come off stand off ish because I felt self-conscious of myself. Over the years after high school I kept bumping into her at random public places but we never said hi or anything because I guess we were never that close. Anyways this year, my bf got into dentistry and surprisingly the girl also got into dental hygiene at the same school as my bf. So occasionally I would see her at events and stuff and the other night I was so drunk that I came up to her and hugged her .... Ive been feeling so embarrassed ever since and I can't help shake off the feeling that I came across weird. Unconsciously I feel like I'm trying to find ways to be her friend but I feel like I'm coming across weird and obsessed. It's like fate keeps bringing me and her together..is this weird? I feel self conscious. How can I stop feeling this obession of wanting to be her friend?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Your last question I'll answer first. Sine I am friendly and out going, if someone I wasn't friends, just acquainted with gave me a hug, and this was the only contact I've had with her, not even any chatting, then of course I would be surprised but not weirded out. If it was noticeable that the person was drunk, then I would not be surprised and know that it was the alcohol that lowered her inhibitions and something of the real person that they didn't let others see, was sneaking out. And it could mean two things. If it was a hug and then no other contact or flirting or behavior that suggests the person is gay or bi and interested in me that way, I would feel weird if it was the first time, maybe that it has happened. It happened to me in real life at a pot luck of many friends of the host and hostess I did not know. One was a bisexual girl who introduced herself and then came right out and asked if I was gay or bi because she might be interested if I was. I told her I wasn't but thanked her for the compliment. It's really a persons own mindset on this situation that determines how they react. There is nothing wrong with the fact some might be interested enough to give a hug when drunk. I would ignore any thoughts to feel weird about it. But then, I am much older and not a young person anymore. I am not saying you are this way, I caught the part of having a BF.
What I want to ask you since I used to be introverted and had social anxiety when younger, I know how painful and embarrassing life can be because as an adult, we can't glide through life avoiding contact with people of varying amounts, the short contact, like the cashier or barista you see as often as you go where they work, extended contact of those you work with or go to school with and the great amount of contact you have with family and friends. I knew I couldn't be successful and happy in life if I learned how to shut down yearnings for friendships instead of learning how to overcome my problems of anxieties, distorted thinking and feeling self conscious. Just because you never were friends in HS does not mean you can't pick up a friendship with a former classmate in later years. And no, it is not weird or awkward. A couple years ago I attended my 40th class reunion and recognized and spoke with those I remembered. There were also many people there I had not befriended in school because of my issues. However, it is amazing what time will do in maturing a persons behavior as an adult, more accepting, you are on a level playing fiend and no one is now the popular group vs the shy and quiet group. I got a dozen facebook friend requests to keep in touch. I think the biggest feedback is that many of those classmates are finding me to be fun to be around due to my sense of humor and as one of those classmates said a few weeks ago on FB, I was a scream, as far as how funny I was in writing of an experience.
I would hope that you would rather find a way to overcome what holds you back to that you can gain self assurance now and start enjoying friendships now. I found I was harder on myself, more embarrassed and I also always imagined the worst behavior, reactions or words or intentions from any people whereever i was concerned. The truth is, all these people I was terrified of was only because my mind was imagining whole scenerios that I wasn't able to mentally handle due to low self esteem and lack of confidence. Funniest thing but some people fake confidence even in HS and I saw them at reunion, standing with a friend, glued to that friends side and not milling about and approaching others to talk to them. These people I thought were so outgoing and had their life going for them were people I had now surpassed in being outgoing, friendly, the one to approach and start conversations. Other than two or three people who stood out and were just as outgoing now as in school, most were quiet and unsure of themselves, felt awkward and had no self confidence in a setting they were unfamiliar with, something outside of their normal daily routine and job. They couldn't adapt. I felt sad for them that at 58 yrs old on the average, these people were somehow navigating life without any real self confidence or extroverted personalities. I know not all personalities can be extrovert and and equal amount are introverted but to find no balance and all of the people introverted was quite startling. If this girl you mention having hugged, has had all the same opportunities as you to say something and start up a chat and be friendly towards you, then I am betting she has no more self confidence and is as self conscious as you. I took a class on personality types. Of all people you could ever run into, the majority are
an even split between about 90 % of people being either the extroverted promoters as it was called or the introverted supporters. The thing both groups had in common was being friendly. So that means 45% of people out there will react friendly when someone else makes the first move to talk or to become friends. The other 10% are another two personality types, again an even split, of 5% analysts and 5% Controllers. I naturally don't get along with analysts and controller. Analysts don't like the boisterousness of promoters, want to avoid getting close to people, are quiet and private while controllers despise supporter types for their lack of drive. In my lifetime, I've only come across a controller type twice and I could feel the disgust coming off them towards me for no reason at all. I don't take it personally as it is such a person who is a loner but wants to be in control of people, life and how each day should unfold and that is on them, not me. The same goes for you dear. I call these personality types though they are listed as behavioral types because all the splits into many different personality types come from these four basics as far as I am concerned. I am putting a link to a chart of behavior types for you to see for yourself.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I am now mostly a blend of both supporter and promoter minus the competitive spirit on the chart.
If you were a controller or analyst, I highly doubt you would be asking for help with this situation of not having become friends with someone. So my guess is that you are a supporter type as I used to be just this type only but moved to be more open and thus the blend. On the chart, click on each highlighted behavior type and read in depth about what each person is like.
My husband I think used to be more analytical before he met me later in life, and he was part supporter also so we had that in common. So I am the one who meets new people first in most cases and enjoy being social while he is slow to warm up to people but once he has, you can't tell there are some analyst tendencies. He can appear to be like me at times when the situation calls for it but he is definitely the blend I mentioned.
I am hoping you will ask me how to overcome self consciousness, rather than how to stop thinking about this one girl. If you actually came out of your shell, attempted to befriend her but she felt you were not close to her personality type, then being friends is pretty much out of the question. You can be friendly towards and say hit, greet by name, even short chats but to spend any good amounts of time hanging out with just doesn't happen with two people have nothing much in common. If you were rejected as a friend or you realized she was not your friend type after all and pulled away, then either way to s top thinking about her, yes there is a way and I have used it so I know it works. I can share that with you but I would be enabling you to avoid changing that which prevents you from making friends and approaching people and talking to people, even those you don't know. I also have instruction on how to overcome that too. If you have no problem with being friends with people, and it is only this one gal, then something else is up and I'd have to hear more from you to discover what is up. For example, if you were open minded to a possibility you were bi sexual, and instead of simply admiring things about her, there has been a sexual attraction, then maybe it is something like that and denying that part of you exists will only cause more problems for you mentally, emotionally.
The fact you have kept running into her so often, not just any other old classmates, has me thinking it is fate also that you approach rather than reject this opportunity to learn and grow in whatever way your soul is meant to learn in this life of yours. I've known which things I have learned and mastered and also areas I can improve.
If you choose to ignore and not approach her and befriend her, yes, this learning opportunity may disappear but whatever you are meant to learn or overcome will keep happening in your life in other situations with other people until you get it right. A good example is a woman who is married and divorced four times and asks why she keeps marrying a guy who is wrong for her. Until she learns to not choose a man just by his looks but his character and personality and whether his traits are something she really needs in a man, she will keep making the same mistake. It isn't bad to simply not know,, most of us don't but to ask for help is what is important and then to really apply yourself to what you hear to do. That is what I am saying here, there may be a lesson to learn here, I can't say what it is. But learning how to stop thinking of her is not going to help you learn in life what you are meant by fate to learn. If you still wish to simply erase this desire to befriend, then write back and let me know this is your final decision. If after reading what I have shared, you've changed your mind, then I will share the process I went through to come out of my shell and be self confident and have a good self esteem. And I will give you then what you ask for. If I have totally misunderstood what you wanted, then please explain in different words.
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