|
tessa, mili
ok so i feel better today. but mili and tessa always work together and aim high and show off in front of me. they answer questions in class this is a miracle because she never does this. Milialways does though. I just find it weird although i know tessa wants to get higher because her friend is in the highest set. im trying to get along with this girl called anju. but im scared to ask her to help me with science revision. we've talked as a group but me and anju have never talked by ourselves. i want to ask anju,
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
When we are young, most people lack self confidence or call it having low self image. We think that it will be hard to impossible to get other people to want to talk with us, let alone work together on a project or become friends. We all want to be liked but there are so many different personality types out there and you can only be one. The type you are, is going to do best with certain people, not all personality types. It is nothing bad about you. If you can believe that, you will find it easier to ask people to work together or hang out together. Most people don't say no right off, not until they have a chance to get to know you. So for friendship, you won't be rejected unless a person already knows from observing you that they would not have fun hanging with you or you with them. so if I am correct, by your stating one wanting to be in a higher class, we are not talking about castes such as those born into richer families or poorer families but you are simply talking about the average students compared to those who are considered the popular ones. Wanting to be popular can happen with the average group which is the largest. That is what I went after in school. The popular kids are not always the best ones to want to be accepted by and part of their group. I know what it was like when I was a kid and from truth based movies of what kids in school have as challenges today, its all the same. The popular kids may be ones who are really smart, join lots of clubs, but they are not accepted into such a group for the best of reasons. The lazy kids and those who will play and get into mischief instead of actually study and do homework, will pretend to like the smart ones so they can beg them to do their homework for them. This is a way of using someone instead of being a real friend. Then there is the rich kid who has things long before the other kids, whether it's their own cell phone, or at driving age, are given their own car, etc. The popular kids are simply popular because of what they have or own rather than for their personality. Then there are the few who may be maturing a bit faster, or are the odd few who happen to look like todays media version of male or female models. do not confuse this with what is normal. Most models and celebrities do not look like you think they do. They have expert makeup jobs to hide things and look more like what is said to be handsome or beautiful today. Once upon a time, your grandparents likely were hearing about what was 'beautiful' in their day, and that was models who looked seriously anorexic. Yes, that was popular once, and one model was called Twiggy because of it. The old 'pin up' girls in posters back during the 1950s was when being big boned and really curvy was in. Lets go back further, ancient paintings show nudes of women who all were painted with small breasts and pudgy tummies rather than big breasts and flat stomachs of today. What people like or have been told over the centuries is the look to go after, is not possible to everyone because of thins like bone structure, and the genes of your parents. Eventually, as you get older, you will see people deciding for themselves what they like for a look for themself and what you are attracted to. One person may be attracted to brunettes but not blondes or red heads. Another is attracted to a person more for their personality, their sense of humor and how they laugh often and are funny. Looks are still important. You are attracted or not, whether talking about dating or just making friends. I don't know if your parents talk about this stuff but you could ask them sometimes to share stories about when they were in school, how they made friends, where they fit, as in average or popular kids.
Most of the stories I still hear today of popular kids share that many of the 'popular' are simply noticed more because they are more vocal or act out, get in trouble, find any way they can to attract attention to themselves and often it is due to having a bad family life. Examples, parents who get drunk or useless on drugs, lots of yelling and verbal abuse, totally ignore or have no time for the kids, kids who are beaten, parents who buy things to placate their kids instead of giving the love and attention, and the list goes on. You wouldn't really want to be them and live such awful lives.
I went to a HS reunion two yrs ago and it was an eye opener for me. All the kids there who had been popular in school from grade school through HS, only a couple were still like that, outgoing and friendly. All those I thought had really been the popular kids, were not acting like them. They were all quiet and didn't go up and talk to people, acting more shy and unsure of themselves, while i who had social anxiety back then, now I was the social butterfly, walking up to everyone in attendance for a while to talk to them. I didn't wait for people to approach me. Since getting over my anxiety, I can tell you that no matter what age a person gets to, most really friendly people will still not approach another person first to start conversation. I used to do this when new neighbors moved into my apartment building and later my neighborhood when I owned a house. I would go over with a plate of cookies or muffins and card to welcome them. Gave my phone number and told them to call me if they ever needed to borrow something or just wanted to chat. I was never rejected at the door, ever once. Most people are of a social personality type. Those who are quiet, want to be left alone or are mean and grumpy are very very few. Lets say its like 2 or 3 in every hundred people you meet. So the odds are high that Anju will react very happily and friendly and want to spend time with you,, or help you in class. Try to prove me wrong if you like. Make a list of every person who is not a friend but who you go up to an start talking to and see how many of those are nice. Then there will be those who are not only just nice but actually find they like your personality and become friends.
To start conversation, out of the blue with someone who doesn't know you yet, you make sure to be in front of them so they can see you talking or tap them on the shoulder to get their attention. I do this all the time. In line at the store for example was a woman with beautiful long hair in tiny ringlets. My niece used to have hair like that and I love how it looks so I tapped her on the shoulder and told her that I loved her hair and asked if it was her own. Most women with hair that looked like that, it was extentions put in, not their own. She said it was her own. I then told her my nieces hair used to look just like that until she began straightening it and ruined the health of her hair. SHe thanked me again for the compliment and that was all we said. I could have made a comment about something she was buying... like "Oh, I see you're getting "such and such", have you had them before?" If they say yes, I would say, they really taste good, don't they. If no, I would say, I am addicted to them, they taste so good. Hope you like them too.
The key is having something on common to start the conversation about. YOu are in the same class and probably working on the same assignments.
So you could say, "Hi Anju. I know I'm never really talked to you before but I was curious how you are doing on the current assignment. The reason I ask is that I need to revise mine and I am out of ideas on how. Would you mind looking at mine? Later you can thank her and ask if she'd like to sit with you at lunch or ask if she'd like to trade phone numbers. Then make sure that you are not always asking for help but just talking about other stuff too.
]
More Questions: |