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How do I tell him I’m not ready for sex?
I’m talking to this guy for the second time. I’m not a virgin although I’m not sure if he is or not. Although he is the type to be a virgin. We have talked freaky before we established the talking stage and I’ve sent a few nudes, but I would really like to take things slow. I know with his last gf she didn’t send nudes at all or have sex with him Bc of her religious stuff I believe. But he wants to go to lunch and stuff and I’ve been so anxious about that Bc I’m afraid he’ll try and do stuff based on a past horrid experience. But he is a super nice guy and and seems like he wouldn’t do something I’m not comfortable with. I’m just a super nervous person and don’t know what to do or say to him to clarify that I’d like to take things slow bc I want an actual relationship and something that will last. What do I do/say? What do I do about lunch/dates too? P.s. I’ve known him for about six or seven years and is a good guy.
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In the beginning of a relationship, people fail to set boundaries and or discuss rules. This is actually VERY important, not just a nice thought and can include finding out if the person you want to date is wanting to marry and looking if you are, and wants children someday is you are. Those are two common samples that have even engaged couples splitting up when they discover what they want differs. And it is more painful after so much time invested. So even for wanting to work on friendship first before adding sex in, that is just as reasonable to discuss in the beginning. The majority of guys out there are actually drawn to women who express what they do and don't want, even at the beginning. They see it as being self confident and that is something men find attractive with the exception of men with low self esteem, who feel threatened by such a woman or who are not willing to agree with their boundaries, in which case, stating your boundaries will get rid of the guys you wouldn't want to consider for a date. I don't understand if you refer to a past horrid experience of your own or of his past. But either way, talking about what you are looking for right now, or even looking for in a man is not unreasonable if he is interested to see you a second time. To make sure he is listening and not distracted by being on a regular date, ask to see him because you have some things you want to discuss because you do want to see him again. Then
meet somewhere conducive to talking. I always met a guy from a dating site at a coffee shop but that was me. And I stated all the things I wanted and didn't want. (ex had a temper and yelled and verbally abused so I wanted a man who didn't have a temper and would never raise his voice to me. I let them know all ahead of time, before even a real date, what I would and would not tolerate. Almost all the men were okay with that. The way they think, it comes across as reasonable to them. So I am not spouting off a silly idea, I have done this and it works. I am now happily remarried to a wonderful man.
You will have to find the guts to bring this up. Either that, or say nothing and be upset when the thing you want to avoid may start happening. If a guy is really into a gal, he will not change his personality per se but change the little things that would also bother you. I had to do that only twice in 9 years with the husband, stuff I did not think to mention up front. If you think about it, it is much more fair to the guy to know ahead of time what things to avoid doing so he doesn't upset you or lose you. It's like trying to play a new board game with knowing any of the game rules. YOu just aren't going to do it right or get far in the game, same in relationships.
As far as sending nude pics, make sure you don't do any more because what he said is true.
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How do I tell him I’m not ready for sex? THe best way I know is to tell him up front your not ready to have sex with him. Then when you make out with him make sure his hands stay above your clothes.
"I’ve sent a few nudes," DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN WITH HIM OR ANYONE ELSE. Not only are you breaking the law by doing so but those pictures are for ever out in cyberspace. If and when you breakup he can publish those photo's. Do you want future employers to see these photo's? It can and has happened.
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I dont think you have too much to worry about here. If he seemes like the virgin type then hes just trying to cover that up cause he dosent quite get how to react, for guys the first time is really awkwar. I think he just plans on takeing you out to good lunch to get know you better in person. Basically just let him know you want to take things slow. Being truefull and open with someone can often lead to the best results.
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