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Do i move out from my parents home or save to buy a home?
I am currently living with my parents to help them pay bills etc, since they are retired. I feel so guilty moving out as they will live a bit tight on money, but I feel like I need my own space. Right now i'm so emotionally drained, my family is dysfunctional and we have a brother dealing with drugs. My parents are trying to help him but he drains the whole family and i'm tired of being in this environment.
I found an apartment I liked a bit pricey but that is what rental places are in my neighborhood. But as the signing of the lease got closer I started to get frightening, my heart was pounding so hard and I felt so much anxiety.
I'm so confused if to move out or just stay here until i buy my own home, which is my goal. Or do i move out and rent temporarily this way i can have my own space and not be affected by my brothers addiction and feeling like my parents always need me. Help, i'm so confused and need to sign the lease asap before i loose this apartment.
Thank you
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You do what is best for you. Your brother needs to get his thing sorted out and your parents should be able to help and support their kids in any way they need not the other way around.
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Getting an apt on your own is a big step. In your case, it's a very much needed step. If you are scared of being able to pay it on your own, you might consider having a roommate, a girlfriend you'd trust to do that with. If its the cost and you can pay but there's no buffer for the things unplanned that could go wrong, etc... then it may not be the best choice. You could try looking around for a room to rent in someone elses home or a mother in law apartment. Those run cheaper than a regular apartment. If it's not price but panic at feeling you are abandoning the parents,it's probably high time they stop being shielded by you helping with bills which should help them face the inevitable, that their way of life is not a healthy one and if they are dysfuntional and don't know it, perhaps they may get an inkling if they rent out your old room to help pay the bills. If they are as dysfunctional as you say, anyone moving in there won't hang around long and they will find they can not hold on to renters. What ever it is that wakes them up to their situation is a good thing. If they can't afford their bills, its their retirement and up to them to figure out how to cover all their bills. I see elderly aged in their 70's working part time as greeters at stores or as cashiers, etc and only pt of what they can earn without losing soc. security. The little extra helps them. Or they take in renters. I went to see a woman who took in 3 renters for her 3 spare bedrooms. ONe room was available but she choose another of the applicants. I know this is a way that elderly make money if they need to cover bills. Money from rent should help, but if they in turn use it to help your brother who'll just waste it, they end up back where they started. That is something for them to figure out.
If you have any religious background and are thinking of the verse Honor your Mother and Father, may I suggest they first need to earn honor to receive. Lets put it this way, do we honor serial killers, drug dealers, pimps, etc...?
No we don't because they are not a person of superior standing whose worth brings respect. Same goes for husbands or wives that mistreat their mate. I have an ex. While I see him at family gatherings and get behave friendly and feel no animosity towards him, I wouldn't go so far as to give him honor when he never did anything to earn it. You can't divorce yourself from your birth parents, thats a done deal, they are the ones who gave you life but this life is yours to live.
When I was with my ex, God was saying to me that it was so unhealthy for my well being that if I didn't leave within 4 years, I would die of health related problems from the stress. I wanted to be around to see my girls marry and be a grandma so, I left him. And its the best decision I ever made. I found a wonderful man who is everything and more that the ex wasn't. So don't worry about it being a sin to walk away from the parents. No one changes when someone is enabling them to continue as they have been. So what if their cable bill goes unpaid. If one unpaid bill isn't enough to get their attention then it will be more until they wake up to the fact they can't help a son who doesnt want help, kick him out, and with two rooms available, bring in 2 renters. THis is becoming a more and more viable way to live for people who can't pay the going rate for regular apartments.
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Let me start by offering this bit of advice. Your brothers drug addiction is not your's or your parents to deal with. I have a brother i-law who is a recovering alcoholic for over 25 years. One of the first things he learned fro going to aa meetings is: "Those who are addicts must hit bottom and want to get help before they can be helped." This is true for drug addicts as it is for those addicted to alcohol.
As for moving out of your parents home. I believe having your ow place will help you better deal with the dysfunctional things that are a cause of your anxiety. If you can set aside some money or pay one of your parents recurring bills great.
Moving out and living on your own allows you to live the adult life your entitled to. Stay out late without the worry of your parents sitting up for you. Having guests without upsetting your parents. These things and more come with moving out of your parents home.
My son was injured at work and was out of work for 2 years while he recovered from back surgery. He lived at home for those two years though as soon as he went back to work he moved out. While he lived at home what I wrote about the freedoms of moving out are what he felt when he moved out. Example is when he wanted to have a party he and his friends chipped in to get me and his mother a hotel room for the night.
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