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Do you think my mom is triggering my anxiety?
I think I have social anxiety and it’s controlling my life I haven’t been to the doctor for it because my mom doesn’t want me to be on medication. Anyways whenever I want to go to social events like parties she’ll say don’t go it’s not safe, so now I don’t like parties and feel anxious when I go to them. whenever I want to go to a concert she says “there’s drugs there, there’s gangs, it’s not safe” and when the whole terrosim things were happening she would say “they bomb public places” so I’ve never been to a concert and then when Ariana grandes concert got bombed it just sealed what she said. If I’m on campus she wants me home as soon as classes are over so I can’t even get involved on campus because club meetings meet at 6pm. My school is known for sexual assault and theft on campus, I didn’t want to go to that school but it was my mom that made me go there. Now I’m almost 20 years old and I’m tired of her thinking everything is unsafe. Now I’m scared of everything and everyone. I can’t take public transit without feeling anxious, if a guy approaches me I instantly want to run away. I know the world isn’t safe but you can’t be living in fear what do I do?
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Ditto to what adviceman said. As far as seeing a psychologist, in many While a student is in college, even over 18 and considered an adult, they can still be legally covered on parents plan up to age 26 if listed on it or added to during open enrollment. This article I will paste also talks of student health care plan so You might want to check with a counselor there if it would cover seeing a psychologist.
Think for a moment what you face if you do nothing about getting over your fear and taking the control of your life out of Mothers hands.
Picture your parents living until a very old age and no matter how old you get, still treating you like a child and sheltering you. I met a mom at McDonalds who just starting talking to me. She has a son in his forties who has never left home. SO do you want to be in your 40s, 50's never married, never had kids, still dependent on your folks, and when they finally do die, you could be 60 and never having learned how to be an adult, and feel totally lost, is that what you want to see happen if you do nothing? I don't think so but hon, I am not exaggerating when I say it actually is very possible that you could end up an old lady yourself, totally alone and not having a clue how to do the things adults need to do to take care of themselves.
While you may have social anxiety, also a big problem is sticking up for yourself which you won't because it gets a reaction from Mom, all for your benefit, to get you to feel guilty for asserting your adulthood. YOu fear her getting angry enough to stop talking to you. Been there myself with my separated parents each at differing points getting upset with me when I nicely asserted myself but still they got angry and stopped talking to me. I can tell you it doesnt last forever unless the parent has a track record for as far back as you can recall of holding grudges and that truly is a smaller amount of people. Both my parents eventually came around.
I used to have social anxiety but am now free of it. This is one thing that I know doesn't require being on medication and the way over it is done at your pace taking as little or long as you need. HOwever, I was anxious driven mostly by fear of embaressment and such and not by parents trying to run my life. My fears came from inside me, not reinforced by a parents behavior towards me, attaching me from the outside. She is not free of mental health issues herself and would benefit from seeing a counselor but she likely wouldn't see herself as having any issues. All you can do is work on yourself.
The fears you are talking about are all about what can hap pen to you, all worst case scenerio thinking and that is a sign of a mind that has distorted thinking. Distorted thinking leads to lots of mental disorders in the world today that can be treated by learning how to think correctly although there are still mental illnesses that require medication.
You probably didn't think like this, fearing so much when you were younger if I am right and its mostly since you got older, older child and teen when Mom started treating you like this, then it was a learned mental behavior and can be unlearned. I was born being shy and embarassed and fearful. I was that way as far back as I can remember, like age 2 or 3. I didn't have a chance to learn it at that age. So in my case, I beleive I was born like that and had to get over it in a step by step program of things I had to do to get better. Even if you didn't fear the worst case stuff everywhere you turn in life, even if you laughed at Mom's concerns and didn't consider them, she would still be trying to control you and that is something that you will need professional health meetings to learn to overcome.
Let me know if you want the document with the steps I followed to get over social anxiety but I am not so sure thats what you are suffering from. Either way you need professional help with learning how to take your independance and stop giving control to Mom by doing her wishes. That is what you truly need to see a professional for. The other I can send you but only if you write from my column. I have no way to response if you write in the comment section of rating.
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For the longest time I was afraid of dogs because when I was a toddler my mother said something to me about dogs and biting. She did this to keep safe your mother is doing that with you. Telling you things to keep you safe.
Both are mothers are wrong in making you feel unsafe in certain situations. You are 21 and your mother has no legal control of you. You can move out of her home, stay out as late as you wish and you can have a sex life as well and should have one if you want one.
Not all men are rapists. You can't and should not hide from the world. Yes there are some scary things in this world. We should not let what is happening in the world make us a prisoner locked in our homes.
My suggestion is you find a good psychologist to help you work through these things that your mother has forced upon you. You also need to cut the apron strings with your mom. You need to tell her your an adult now and have the same free will she has. Also go ahead and join the clubs on campus and make new friends. Find a guy you like and start dating him.
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