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Family hates me.
I know it's lengthy, but I'd appreciate a read.
14 year old female. I'm not exaggerating or angsting, I'm telling the truth. I'd rather go to school than stay home because I feel well liked by my peers more so than my parents. Kind of sad I feel more welcomed in a group of Highschoolers than my family, but it's reality.
My dad was recently a drug user. He would often dissapear for days and weeks with the car and all our money because he's been doing drugs, and he's left the family in debt because of this. He's gone to rehab twice and if he's done drugs since the second time, I don't know. The first time was crack and heroin, the second time pain killers and my mom acts like that's progress. All throughout my childhood I remember being screamed at and being called an asshole, jerk, brat, etc and have him get up in my face and act like he's going to hit me, bitching about stupid stuff like how I'm drinking too much water, and he does it to my two siblings and mom too, but the difference is, I believe, is that I've become unafraid of him; I no longer tremble or listen to him, and I stop him from doing other bad things. Like when he stole my money to buy drugs I told. And I'm not afraid of him, and I know I'm a better person than he'll ever be and I've got my head set on leaving this house ASAP so he really resents me for that, because I can't be controlled by him.
I don't have as much issues with my mom but I've still got some. First of all, she spends 90% of her free time doing video games. I have to say something to her 5 times before she acknowledges that I said it and the only thing she ever talks about is money and how we're gonna get it.
My family is lower class, and whenever some illegal shit is about to happen to get money I've always been the first one to say something and to stop it, so that's just a problem my family has with me in general. As strange as this sounds, I've been laughed at by adults in my family for not drinking, smoking, and sleeping around like they do and instead focusing on school and things I like doing (theatre, reading, etc.) My mom has also called me a bitch, selfish, spoiled, etc on multiple occasions and usually it's because I'm refusing to partake in activities I know are corrupt and immoral or I'm standing up to my parents corrupt and immoral actions. These actions include taking out welfare money to buy stuff they don't need like shampoo or jewelry (or worse, drugs and alcohol), shoplifting, tricking people into giving them money, etc.
The general philosophy of my family is "if it's not affecting you, don't worry" and I just can't agree with that and find it highly ironic that I'm called a selfish, spoiled bitch. I know exactly what I'm going to do; I'm going to study hard, I'll go to a college nearby where I don't need to pay for rooming and therefore have less student loans, I'll get good grades and graduate, get a good job, then I'll get out of here. I'm going to make something of myself and not only help my own life but help other people born into unfourtanate circumstances.
But then there's my other cousins and siblings; they're way more sucked into it than I am. I used to be, but I met good people and have read a lot of books and listened to a lot of musicals that made me think there's a way out, and I've made it a mission to reform myself since. The other kids in my family aren't like that, and I'm the one keeping them all out of trouble. I'm afraid that once I bounce out, they'll fall into it and I don't want that to happen. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
My heart aches for your situation. But the bright spot is how you seem to have your act together and are far more mature than most people your age. You sound like a very wonderful person.
It doesn't take any skills to bring a child into the world but it sure takes a lot for those people to be adults and make good decisions when they have children and unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. I am glad you understand that it is not you with the problems but your parents. Mom may seem like a lesser issue but she hasn't reached out for help. I agree with Adviceman, that CFS or I've heard it called CPS Child Protective Services too, needs to be alerted. You may feel you can handle it until you turn 18 and can leave home. But your siblings may never speak up and fall into bad habits and end up like your parents. Also, your parents won't on their own reach out for help so having such an agency get involved can help with psychiatric treatment if needed, counseling and parenting classes for parents and
entered in treatment or rehab centers.
In case you are afraid of doing so and losing your parents totally, no matter how bad they are, these agencies will do whatever they can to rehab a parent, do continuous checkups on them afterwards and leave children with their parents. Children usually only go into temporary Foster care while the parents are being helped to get their act together. These days, they even allow the mentally disturbed parent to keep their children as long as medicine helps them and they actually take the medicine. I know this all because I have a granddaughter whom a teacher spotted bruises all over. My daughter is divorced from the childs father and remarried to a guy who sounds like a psychopath from what little interaction I've had with him and stories from his mom. My daughter has depression but may have mental illness too. It runs in the family, her dad and uncles have it. They had to go thru psychological testing and also do parenting classes and will now receive regular checkups at home. After getting custody of this child, my daughter says she can't handle it anymore, its too stressful. Truly all her energy goes to trying to keep her husband from blowing a fuse on a daily basis. So the birth father is picking her up and bringing her back. The child is not a problem kid and I find her easy to get along with so the child is not the problem. But I have learned from talking to the people in charge at CPS that the parents have passed psychological evaluation and parenting classes. So it is not getting your parents in trouble but a way to get them help dear. Don't be afraid to tell a teacher or counselor at school.
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From what you've written life has dealt you a rotten hand. Thee is something you can do to make life easier for you and your sibling. Talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal about just what you wrote us. When a student comes to them with a problem such as your they are obligated to contact the appropriate to contact Child and Family services (CFS).
CFS will go to your home and talk with your parents and look at your home life. Among the things they look for is if you and your siblings are well fed and that there is food in the pantry and refrigerator. They look to see that your clothing is clean and serviceable. After talking with you, your siblings and you parents they will make a determination as to how best to protect you and your siblings.
The best thing you can do is to continue to well in school. You don't have to end up like your cousins and parents. A good education will take you out of what you are in and give you many of the things we all enjoy.
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