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How to talk to my previous teacher about my self harm and depression?
17/f
So in grade 8 when I high school (14 years old) this teacher started at our school and it was her first year teaching so she was young (she's 26 now). She taught me biology and since grade 8 we were close and she was always there for me and knew about me than my friends and family and knew things like sexual abuse from a family member in the previous years and just everything. She left in 2016 to go teach overseas but I had her number and we still kept in contact and she said I must still always go to her and I did sometimes but not often cause I didn't wanna bother her. She always says I'm like her little sister because she isn't close to her sister and I definitely see her like another big sister. A few weeks ago I spoke to her when I was having a break down and I admitted a lot - I think I'm depressed and I relapsed with cutting a few times and we spoke for a couple hours and she said I need to keep her up to date with how I'm doing. I've just been feeling worse and the cutting has gotten worse and she's the only person I can talk to but I don't want to bother her with this because she's on the other side of the world and she's 9 years older than me even though she says I can and I believe her I just don't wanna get annoying but I really wanna talk to her. But even if I do it's difficult because there isn't necessarily something specific making me feel like this I just do so I can't even explain how I'm feeling. What do I do? Do I message her? What do I say if I do?
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Let me ask you a question not for you to answer me but just to clarify a point in your mind.
She said to keep her up to date with how you are doing. If that is the only thing she could tell you, how is it helping you to get better and get rid of your depression? Does her listening to you only, as that's all she can do from where she is, not just make you feel temporarily better but help you overcome and get rid of your depression? Has she suggested that you tell someone else, suggest any professional help? When someone feels like family to you and you to them, they are of course going to care how you are doing and what is happening in your life. But unless a family member is a trained professional, all they can do is give love, show concern and be a listening ear and urge you to get some professional help.
I understand not feeling you have anyone you can talk to about it. That's the terrible thing about depression once you've got it, it makes you more often not willing to share it with a single soul and try to keep it to yourself. Now a personal story of mine on the matter. My oldest daughter developed depression around your age or younger. She never told me, she never cut herself, she didn't tell any friends or siblings, and there were no signs of it to clue me in. And I was a MOm very involved in my kids lives. They knew they could talk to me about anything, even dating, friend problems, sex and such. And they had no problem sharing such things with me, but the depression, nope...she did not say a peep. It wasn't until she was about the age of your teacher now, when she had a newborn baby and I was living with her while her husband was out at sea in the navy, that she confessed she had a problem. It scared her now because it wasn't just herself involved but she had a child to care for. Yet her depression was still there and even worse due to post partum depression which a fair amount of healthy women end up getting for a while after birth. For her it was a double whammy. She confessed she had thoughts of killing herself and her baby even though she knew that wasn't right and confessed she'd been depressed since HS.
As her Mom, my heart hurt so bad that she had robbed me of the chance to be her Mom and step in and help her get professional help. I took her to her doctor and she got on meds and that helped her. But I was so sad that she had to suffer it all alone and hadn't allowed me to help. It still bothers me to this day after 10 years. I have read that teens do sometimes commit suicide due to untreated depression. And I have read what happens to parents who lose a child that takes their own life. They blame each other for not seeing any signs or maybe causing the depression which is not true, and end up splitting up because of the stress of the situation. Parents who lose a child, find the health of their marriage threatened, no matter how the child died but its worse when its suicide. You must have parents or at least one. I beg you to tell your parents and ask them to help you get at least appointments with your family Dr. to get a referral to a specialist. If you are still in HS, then you are on their health insurance. If you have started college, college students, though adults at 18, still qualify to remain on the parents insurance as long as they are in college. YOu should seek professional help dear. Don't rob your parents of the chance to help you. If you can't bring yourself to speak to them, write them a note fully explaining what you are going through and hand it to them and leave the room or house for a bit. Have them know where you'll be or to call your cell if you have one once they are ready to talk. They may need a bit of time to get over the shock and come to grips with it, but you must understand, it is not your fault or anything you are doing wrong, even the cutting. That is part of the depression which you would not be doing if you did not have depression.
ONce you're getting professional help, keeping your 'big sister teacher friend' in the loop as to how you are doing and how you are getting treatment is a good thing. At 26, she may not have the knowledge yet to know how to deal with getting a person pointed in the direction where they can get help. But if she really cares, she will be happy to learn you followed my advice and talked to the parents. If that fails, then you must talk to school nurse or counselor. This is something not new to them. Its probably not advertised that you can go to them with such issues but they get this all the time. There are many other student who will have depression or a terrible home life or are being abused, so they know what to do and whom to contact to get you in touch with help, even if you end up choosing not to tell your parents. But please think about how it might affect them if they are not allowed to be part of your help and recovery by being supportive at least.
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