|
Fiance has issues with a tattoo I have that's taken on special significance
I played softball all four years of high school. My best friend did as well, but for a different team as we went to different schools. This resulted in a bit of a friendly rivalry.
Senior year rolled around. Our team was scheduled to play hers shortly after she pitched a no-hitter. I had the most home runs of anyone on my team and we were both feeling cocky. We'd also both been toying with the idea of going to a tattoo parlor once we were 18. This led to us making a bet. If I struck out against her, I'd have to get a tattoo of her choice. If she failed to strike me out the entire game, she'd have to get the tattoo of my choice.
I came so close to winning, but she struck me out in the 7th and final inning. Two months later, when I turned 18, I figured a bet is a bet. We went down to a local tattoo parlor and I got inked. To commemorate the fact that she owned my ass at the plate, the tattoo was of a softball with her name and jersey number on it, and I got it on my left butt cheek.
Fast forward five years. A lot has happened since then. For one, I'm now engaged. My friend has also died. She was killed in a car accident three years ago. Since then, this tattoo has taken on a new significance. It's more than just a funny story I've related to the handful of people who've seen it. It's a part of her that'll always be with me.
Since our engagement, my fiance has been pressuring me to get it removed. He never had any problem with it before and I'm not sure why it's suddenly such a big deal for him as he never really gives me a straight answer. I don't have any intention of getting it removed and I don't want it to be a source of friction between us, so now I'm lost. What should I do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I do not understand why this tattoo bothers your fiance; especially the significance it now has for you as a remembrance of a close friend lost.
The only thing I can think of that might bother him about the Tat and this would depend on where it is located on your butt. If it can be seen when wearing a bathing suit suit it could put him in the position of having people, especially people who know him but not you of who that guy is the tat is for.That is what most people will thin when they see it and not know it is know a remembrance for a female friend.
Today more then any time in history do any of us not have a sexual history. Very few people come to the marital bed virgins. IF that Tattoo can be seen while wearing a bathing suit that could be the problem he is having that it could be looked at as an advertisement of past sexual adventures.
Call this a Wild Ass Guess on my part for I can think of no other reason for the tattoo to bother him. My advise is to sit down an talk to him. Ask him to be honest with you. Should the reason be one that it might be seen by people he would rather not see it ask him would he be okay if you not just had it removed bet re-inked in a place that only you and he could see and tell him why it is important to you.
]
There's a saying, 'you're in between a rock and a hard place'. It means you're stuck and there is no good way out of this.
If your friend was still alive and you wanted to please the fiancee, then getting it removed might be the best. However, as your friend has died and this is a way you can feel a connection still to your friend who's passed on, I'd have to say I'm on your side.
Also, for a person who is going to marry you, I would hope that this guy is really in love with you, not just loves a few things about you. In love means totally, including caring about your feelings, and wanting to do anything that makes you happy. If it goes against the grain, all I can say is this might seem one small thing right now but how many other things will he be a 'stick in the mud' about after you marry and not want to budge or compromise on. You could take your chances and marry him and see how long or how short lived that marriage is, because if he can throw such a fuss over something that is now a memento to you, it will likely not stop there. This shows an unbending, uncompromising and non understanding attitude. Usually, when ever you see something in a persons character, good or bad, there is lots more of it that you haven't seen yet that will surely rise to the surface.
Have another talk and let him know that this is meaningful to you and you do not want him to make it a choice between his wishes and a special memory of a dead friend. People deal with grief in different ways so if this gives you comfort, thats good. He can't tell you this is an unreasonable way to deal with yours.
It might come down to your having to choose between the fiancee and or the tat.
I suppose many may not stop to think it through deeper and just say that of course you should choose the fiancee over the tat. HOwever, choosing a loving fiancee, one deeply in love with you is way different than choosing one that does not love you enough to make you happy. So, I have a test off the internet that I added to, to determine if a guy loves you enough. I have found it to be very true. My ex failed miserably on all points. But my 2nd husband aces it. So here it is in hopes it gives you clarity to see if he is really worth choosing over the tat.
I am thinking your issue falls under # 5.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
]
More Questions: |