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Does it sound like it's possible to make this relationship work?
So I've known this guy for 2 and a half years. At the time we met he was married, but we became best friends, talking every day on the phone and occasionally going out for dinner.
His marriage was a green card marriage and his "wife" was dating other people, but she was extremely jealous of my friendly relationship with her husband.
Of course in the process, I wound up falling for him. It just seemed like we had so much in common and I could feel the sparks. However, I knew it wasn't good for me or them and I wound up telling him one day that I couldn't keep talking to him and exited his life as kindly as I could.
Well then about a week ago (its been 8 months since we talked) I got a message from him telling me that he had just moved into his own place in what happens to be one of my favorite cities to visit. I confirmed this through a mutual friend and found out his wife was also living with somebody else in a different city.
We got to talking again and then we met up yesterday for dinner. I was trying to just keep things friendly, but he wound up admitting his feelings for me and told me that he had adored me since we met and he was jealous that I was dating other guys (in the past), but knew he couldn't do anything about it since he was also married. He told me that he felt like I was the one who got away and that he had missed me when we stopped talking and kept thinking about me.
I was of course totally swooned and we wound up going back to my place, where things got heavy, but I did decide against having sex with him because I was worried about his current status still being married.
During the night he told me he wanted to be with me and I want to be with him, but then in the morning he said he was concerned about what this meant for me. He told me that although his wife and him have already decided on getting a divorce that due to the green card papers he has to still wait 6-8 months before they can process it. He told me that he understands if I date other people until then, but that he still wants to see me.
Now I'm really confused and I don't know what to do. Six to eight months is a really long time, but I really have feelings for him. I've never met anybody else who has as much as we do in common or the same kind of chemistry and I've dated quite a few guys. I'm almost convinced that he's the one for me, but I also feel like anything could happen in that time period. His wife is already an extremely jealous person and she's threatened me before. I know her stance on things is that she should be able to date who she wants (she cheated on him all the time), but she's still weird about me seeing him even though they both know the marriage was just for citizenship.
I don't know whether all of this is just a "the grass is always greener on the other side" placebo for all of us or if this is real and just terrible timing.
Any advice helps.
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I really know nothing of this but the thought occurred that perhaps there are lawyers who deal with information on how to go about a situation like this and be able to do so legally without any chance of him being deported to where he came from. It certainly would be better knowing if there was any chance rather than guessing at it and making a terrible mistake.
I know you wouldn't want to invest the time if it all comes to naught in the end and he must go back home to his country, no matter if you have feelings already or not. So seeing a lawyer may be a possible solution to knowing if there is a chance for him to get legal status and be able to marry you. If that can happen soon, then perhaps investing the time with him won't be such an iffy thing, knowing that the outcome can be a good one.
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The fact that you are concerned about this situation says you need to approach this with caution. One thing you need to keep in the back of your head to use against any further threats from his wife is that Green Card marriages for citizenship are illegal and if found out even after citizenship is granted the citizenship can be revoked and she can be deported without the ability to return even for a visit.
As to you and him; caution is the key word. I cannot tell you what to do exactly other than to play out the six to eight months as you have played out the previous months since you two split the first time. If he is the right guy for you them it will all come together in time. If not then you will find someone else who is even better. For now though things have to be as they are today and his marriage is terminated before you go any further with him.
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