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Verbally abusive dad
For the longest time my dad has been verbally abusive to me telling me things like shut the fuck up i have no brain stop being useless among other things i thought that after my brother’s death he would change but he hasn’t living with him is tough i feel like i’m walking on egg shells he makes me cry makes me feel like i’m not good enough will never be he makes me want to give up and not do things have a why bother what’s the sense attitude when i’m around him with other people he acts nice but that’s not what happens behind closed doors he’s a totally different person his way of thinking is he wants to hurt me so i will learn a lesson and i won’t forget if i don’t do something around the house he’ll flip out or if he has to tell me to do something he’ll get aggravated he has no patience he criticizes everything i do calling it constructive criticism even criticizes my appearance how i look
I don’t know what to do anymore my only escape away from him is work moving out isn’t a option since i have nowhere to go and none of my family lives in the same state i do traveling is easier said then done
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He is miserable and he takes it out on you. Some miserable people like to spread their poison.
I doubt talking to him will change his mind about anything. So if you can afford it, get out. Get a roommate if need be, rent a room at someone's house. Some have private entrances and a separate bathroom. However, if you leave he might not let you move back in if you move out. You really should try to get out of there. Nobody wants to be in that environment. You can get a lot of free furniture from craigslist.
"Nothing is inherently good or evil, but thinking makes it so." AKA Words can only affect you if you let them. If you can't move out, you have to change the way you think about his verbal abuse. One way is to feel sorry for him because he is so miserable. He can't help but spread his poison. Its become part of his personality now, he can't help it. He's sick.
I had a girlfriend that freaked out and said and did horrible and sometimes violent things. Someone saw how she acted and told me she was bipolar. I researched it and it made sense that she might be. My way of thinking about her when she acted like that changed. I started seeing her as someone with a mental illness. Eventhough she was verbally and sometimes physically abusive, I felt sorry for her. "She can't help but be that way, poor girl." I thought to myself. That made it a lot easier to put up with her crap.
Perhaps think of your dad as having a mental disorder that makes him treat you like that and he can't help it. Maybe his father was also abusive to him, and now he's doing it to you. A lot of times the children of abusers end up being abusers themselves. Maybe that's what happened. So, it really might have nothing to do with you.
So change your mind about WHY he acts like that. Feel sorry for him and accept that it really doesn't have anything to do with you.
Something you can do is to mentally prepare yourself before you get home. Remind yourself that whatever he says, it has nothing to do with you and that you will not give any importance to the poison that comes out of his mouth. After all, they are the ramblings of a madman. (so to speak) He can't help but be that way.
Another technique when he is yelling at you is to make yourself "transparent". By this I mean that you imagine that you're just made of air and the yelling and insults just pass right through you and don't affect you. (like a ghost). I know its weird, but I've used it and its worked for me. Though, it may take some practice.
I really do think you should see what you can do about moving out. Its hard to be zen and happy with someone like that around. Good luck, hope this helps.
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It would be a lot easier to answer your question if I knew why a twenty-seven year old woman was still living at home with her parent. I do understand it is hard for a young person to get established in a career and make enough money to live on their own, pay off college expenses and have the things necessary to actually get to work.
You also say that, "For the longest time my dad has been verbally abusive to me." What you don't say is how long this behavior has gone on. Has he always treated you this way or is this a change in his behavior?. If it is a change in his behavior how long has it been going on and has it been getting progressively worse.
This last question may sound a bit odd but it is important to know. For an adult especially and older adult to suddenly manifest a change in behavior it is possible the change in behavior is symptomatic of an undiagnosed medical problem. I'm not a doctor but a sudden and prolong change in behavior that deepens in anyone is something that need to be checked out by a doctor.
You writing is very much something I could have written about my father with one exception that is how he was with me for his entire life. Later in life I learned he suffered from depression but refused to accept that fact and of course refused to seek treatment.
For my own sanity after high school I joined the Air Force. Shortly after discharge I met my wife and put as much space between my father and me as I could.
I'm not suggesting you join the military but there are ways you can move out without costing you a lot of money. You can look for someone looking to share an apartment or you can look for someone looking to rent a room, hopefully with kitchen privileges other wise it is less expensive to go the roommate route.
OF course if you are your fathers care taker then that is a problem. If this is so there are community and governmental organizations that can help you. I do have one suggestion I hope you will try.
If you have health insurance through work you most likely have and EAP program which is "Employee Assistance Program." "It is entirely separate from your employer and designed to help you with many of the problems and employee may face away from work. Someone in the office, most likely in Human Resources is the EAP coordinator. Ask for the number of the EAP contact and call asking to be put in touch with a licensed social Worker.
Seeing a Social worker has a two fold benefit. First with talk therapy you have the one on one sounding board we cannot provide and which you need to better deal with this problem. Second as a social worker he or she can help you find the social programs for your father to relieve you of any care taking responsibilities you have.
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