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has he started to have feelings?
Hi,
So today in the class he told me that he's going to miss me and asked me back if I'm going to miss him as I'm away for a few weeks, I said yes of course. we have a good banter and known for nearly a year. I think we both get on just fine. anyway, when I asked him after a few chat how much is he going to miss me, he said he will miss me lots and it's weird (he seemed little sad). I asked him, what's weird because I thought he was talking about his phone as he was checking his phone while he said that, I asked your phone is weird? he said yeah right in a sarcastically tone. what do you reckon guys? he complimented me in a indirect way saying oh that chocolate bar was beautiful as much you are (he had bought us a choc bars in the canteen on a same day). he also said, don't deny that you don't like me. I replied yes I do like you. guys, any thoughts please? why did he say he will miss me and it's weird and sighed. has he started to feel somethings for me? I do like him and I think he likes me too. unfortunately we both have boyfriend and girlfriend. he touches my hand and arm a lot, I said you love to touch me don't you he replies oh yes and smiles. also, he said he's never met a girl who's similar like me. what he is thinking and saying all this?? thank you all. much appreciated! terribly sorry for the long message
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It is very possible for a male or female to be involved with someone already and later meet someone they like even better. But one or both simply assume each is happy with their current bf/gf.
The reason this happens quite often is because initially, dating is a way to get to know someone better. Dating or just hanging out with them exclusively in many different situations, not just dates to movies, for example, is a great way to learn if this person is right for you or you see some behavior you can not tolerate. I know a gal whose Dad was a mean alcoholic. So she had a requirement that whomeever she married could not be even a casual drinker as the scent of alcohol or sight of it would send her still into a panic.
So before I can advise what to do, you might find it easier to make yourself a list of what qualitys you are looking for and not looking for in Mr Right.
I will paste in a document that explains it. Then once you compare both current bf and the male friend who is dropping plenty hints that he likes you or at least has a crush on you, you will then know whether to stay with current guy or break up and move on to the next. I can't say how often it may be necessary but you date to check out a guy until you've found whom you believe is the one. There is no reason to continue to date a person that you know you will never marry or stay with long term and have kids with. I can't promise you that breaking it off with current bf means this male friend will work out for sure. That it yet to be discovered by you. But its a heck of a lot easier to decide when you make these lists to go by. Once you are single again, if he is still dating, you could tell him that you are now single again and if he is interested enough to date you, that he would have to be single again too. If he doesn't do that, then keep looking and comparing guys to your lists. Heres that info now:
How to find Mr. Right
I went through this search in my late forties after an almost 30 yr marriage to a man who was never in love with me, verbally abusive and not my sexual match. I was ready to finally find Mr Right and what I believe I heard while praying, is that I had to make several lists and refine them as I went along.
First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, to really describe yourself, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesn't work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. This is not just those met online but any you meet in person as you're out and about. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. Or hopefully they will, if not, they may not recognize that you are the one for him and that is too bad for him. You want a guy who sees the real you inside too and will know he wants you, the whole package. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.
So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?
I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.
Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a specific list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.
Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and they don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isn't afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....
Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, a woman who will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the model types in looks in a test case study.
The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself in case you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers to me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. This list is things you would like to see but if you don't get them, you can live without it, for the rest of your life.
I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. It is okay to give examples if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of 'boyfriend.' Obviously, you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you. This is a lot said and yet there is so much more detail to share. So ask me if you have questions.
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