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best friend replacing me
My best friend (ella) and i have been best friends since 2p13 ( we were 13) and we now 17. She finished school two years early and came to visit my school for a week last week. She became friends with a girl in my friendship group mia. mia told ella that we leave her out at school but we dont and now mia and her have become really close and talk on the phone constantly. It feels like ella is becominf closer to mia than me and it sucks. The worst is mia isnt even who she says she is. Shes changed all her opinions since when ella came to visit and trys to suck up to ella. I dont know what to do. I really dont want to lose ella as my best friend.
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I am launching off of what Dr D said. The possibility he mentioned is a pretty good one. Heres why I believe so. Ella is your age, 17, graduated early. No matter if she went straight off to college or into the work force, It is very likely that she is surrounded by people older than her and may be starving for some friendships of her own age.
From a one time visit, Ella may not really have had a chance to get to know Mia very well. She has no way to know if Mia was on the level or not. Mia may be attention seeking. If so, it doesn't bode well for friendship with you lasting or even new friendship with Ella lasting. Wanting to be the center of attention all the time, or even if it was just to be devious for the fun of it, this kind of behavior will eventually be seen for what it is by Ella and she may decide to not associate with Mia anymore. However if she does, stuff like this, we get better at figuring out as we go through our 20s. So I don't think you are losing Ella either. If Ella remains friends with Mia, you may not be able to get together all 3 of you or more, you may need to make dates with Ella, just you and her.
It would not be a good idea to share anything about Mia with Ella. I know you may want to spare her getting hurt but most of us learn better by experiencing things for ourselves.
I hear many young people who are graduating HS, who worry about their friendships, feeling they may lose friends or friendships change. This is a very big possibility because the rate at which we grow and mature is so great from childhood to pre teen to teen to college age and those who are friends during this time period find their lives change greatly. New schools, relocating, a change of ones morals and beliefs and hobbies, having a family of your own, etc...
I have a friend from 5th grade. We stay in touch on FB. She is in another state. Moved in middle school. We have gone different ways, our beliefs have changed, and I may not have much in common any more but we are still friends because of our history together. we can't spend time hanging out like we did when young cus we have our own families and jobs and responsibilities. So even if a friend of yours lived close by after HS, things can fill their schedule so they don't have time to hange out but it doesn't mean they are getting rid of you or replacing you. If you find in life that it is not just this situation but others where you don't feel of value to others, it just may be that your self esteem and self confidence need to get better. I still didn't find out that kind of stuff in part til into my 20s but during my 30s, I really gained self confidence and can say that it makes a big difference in how I view my world and where I fit in it. Wishing you the best dear.
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Hiya! Dr.D here! friendships can be tough. I had a best friend, but he was into sports and I was(still am) a complete nerd. But that didn't get between us. We stayed somewhat close. We dont see each other as much. But we are still good friends.I dont think thats happening to you though. It seems like two of your friends, are becoming good friends. You have nothing to worry. She wont replace you. They are just bonding, and are coming together to form a friendship. And if anything, all three of you will now be closer to one another. I see this as a good thing. You take care. And I hope I helped. Have a nice day. :-)
-Dr.D
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