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Hiya! So nice to meet you!
Hiya! Nice to meet you! I am Dr.D :-D
I read what you said, to the women with the cheating problem. And I read it very carefully. Not because of the issue. But I got to learn a little about you. But what I highlighted out of the content was what you said about me. Specifically saying:
"Both Adviceman and I are older so we have life experience. I do not know about DrD as that person I haven't seen before."
And your totally right! I am brand new. And I feel that I am ready to help people :D
But I am getting off subject. I read your advice and I go: "Hey... thats pretty smart!" And you really are! But since I am new, wondering if I could get tips. Learn how this website works. I've had it only for a... maybe a little over a week?
And I dont wanna make no enemies on here! No way! I just wanna help people! But I also wanna work with people.
With Kindness. :-)
-Dr.D
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
Some time back, the creator of this site, Dangernerd asked if we had suggestions for improvements. I haven't seen any of those. So I can say right now that when a person who wrote you is leaving another message for you in 'comments' where they also rate you from 1-5, and they have a second question, there is no way to respond to them from there. So I have learned to mention that if they have any need to ask more questions or ask for help, they need to go to my column and contact me from that contact button. We were hoping to see a way to have him change that to make it easier to respond so be sure to mention this to any you think may try to respond back to you.
Next I would say to keep in mind we are not just getting questions from countries that speak mainly English but from foreign speaking countries and some are a dead give away due to the subject such as advice about the custom of parents deciding who you marry. I know that often people make typing errors or if from a phone, it guesses the wrong word to put in. Then i know a few basic text short cuts but have to go with what makes most sense and ask if that is what they meant as they were not clear on that. And then I mention if I am giving advice based on the right situation or for them to let me know so I can better address their question. Sometimes, I can guess pretty well what is going on.
I have set what 3 subjects I like most to answer. Wish I could put on a 4th which would be a religious spiritual matters. However since those types of questions don't come up as often, i simply respond to them when posted for all. The greatest compliment to me is not the ratings I get but the fact that a person who got my advice last time has been helped and liked my style of advice giving so they are writing to me specifically instead of the group.
I think it's a good policy to not tell a person what you believe but present them with another viewpoint, information based on scientific facts or examples by stories of your life or of a person you don't identify. Unfortunately, I feel this should also include whatever advice another advice giver has given. I may be alarmed at how they answered, if I personally find something there the questioner could take offense at, I will write them too and do a preventative damage control, LOL or if I see an answer that covered only one possibility of a solution, I will let the reader know I agree with what so and so said but I believe there are a couple other options that are also good and I go into detail. If an answer is true and to the point, depending on what the question is, I will also write and say that in case they need to know why the previous advicegiver gave that answer, here is why and I try to cover every possible piece of info that could help them make the best decision. If I disagree with what another advicegiver said, I have to remember that is a very good possibility as Dangernerd who originally created the spot to answer only technical qusetions on pcs and cells, etc. he got questions about love life, sex and so on. So that is what prompted him to open Advicenators for others to have their own column. So there are warning that no one on here is a professional and we can't be held responsible for any advice given therefore, since this is just asking another average person for advice. Everyone is going to answer differently depending on their personal experiences, their beliefs, their viewpoints on world matters, etc.
I have found that it is very easy to offend a person when answering them. Read your answer and decide if anything there was written by someone to you, would you jump to the conclusion that they were insinuating you were stupid, immature, etc. Thanks by the way for the compliment. Thats a good thing. I try to complement as many people as I can. If they provide lots of necessary info. I thank them for being very thorough in what they shared. If they sound intelligent for their age, or their attempt at writing in English is better than most, I will let them know. HOwever, you don't want to say only the things you think they want to hear or read. I can tell when someone is writing to see if we will side with them when a parent they feel is unreasonable. I would then draw on my parenting skills or a person can share helpful stores of their own parents and let them understand how a parent things and why a parent may have said or done a certain thing. I always try to push people gently towards talking things out with others. I love the ones who write and ask, what did my bf mean by that? I don't know your bf from Adam, I am not a mind reader so I can not knowing what he was thinking or what his thoughts when spoken meant. I want to just answer shortly and say Just ask him!
But what helps me alot is to use that "put yourself in someone elses shoes." To understand why they might be needing advice. That helps me to remain understanding but also give them answers to a question they didn't ask. I let them know that due to their story, there's enough info for me to realize that there is another question equally important they need to be aware of that impacts them and here is that question and answer.
Sometimes the question is at least to me so stupid, you wonder how a person could not know that. Unfortunately in todays world, kids are not using the internet for anything but entertainment, a part of which is texts to and from friends. For some reason, perhaps that all they have are cells with internet but no bigger computer, they choose not to go on line looking for answers and self teaching. I save my favorite sites and share these with people if they pertain. For others, who have specific questions on a medicine or birth control or something else, I look up at term online to find out about it if I don't know. So at least I can send them a link to a site that answers the question better than I could and cutting off a lot of typing time. Sometimes based on the question and info maybe one gains mostly from life experience where I feel the young person may not believe and reject an answer, and the person before my answered pretty much exactly as I would have, I let them know so they don't assume its just some old fogey's advice. I mention that I agree whole-hearted with (name of advicegiver) and just wanted to let them know that in this case it is not a personal viewpoint but actual fact of human behavior or whatever the topic was.
When I feel I need to correct a persons viewpoint or belief in their question, I always use myself as an example such as mentioning that at 20 when I married I thought I was very mature and making a good decision. I have found in looking back that I have learned more along the road of hard knocks meaning having experienced all the hurts and pains and trials on my own. Even if a story I share has to be changed a bit to get my story across, maybe only a part of it was true for me, I still share it as my own story because what I learned to cover the basic points of each question they have and I model it to resemble their situation so they can see the connection easier, but if I have no story to share to compare, I tell them it is the story of a friend or a family member to share again the information i need that perhaps they don't have all the answers yet and lead them to understanding why what I am asking them to do is so important.
In the past, we sometimes get a person who writes the same question over and over changing only one little piece of their question but the rest being exactly word for word. If the piece of new info is helpful and changes my answer, I will let them know I answered a question exactly like theirs a month ago (I go look back at my answers a couple months sometimes to verify the date of their question and then repost my previous answer which is the same, as is. Or if new info changes some of it, I make sure they realize how my answer changed.
However, sometimes if you keep seeing a person repeat a story asking for help and you see that each time they write they have gotten more answers from several advicegivers, but keep writing in once a week or something often, that person may be an attention seeker who gets a personal thrill of making up a story for fun just to see what kind of responses they will get. ONe such thing is the past, involved a male college student who had a crush on a female teacher who was engaged and he wanted advice on how to convince her to love him instead and was stalking her from his telling of what he had already done, wondering what was wrong. In this case, you might go to Moderator tools and post your concerns in Moderator discussions which others sometimes check but I believe dangernerd will look at. Usually he may have already seen the connection in all questions and be able to share that hes seen it and if he believes it to be a critical enough issue, he will contact police and give the questioners IP address as a way to track them down. SO if you ever have questions about how to answer a certain question or are suspicious of something, then post it on there. Danger nerd does scan and read different advice givers responses from time to time as the one time I had the "O" key broken on my computer and was using the zero instead. He wrote to let me know that the system looks for too many misspelled words as meaning something like you are not a human but a computer generated response and will drop my answers from showing, if I remember that right. As soon as I heard that, we shopped for a 2nd hand separate key board to plug in to use until we could afford to get it fixed. So he's friendly and helpful, you can write to him with any questions or issues you are having.
These are some of the situations that come up and how I would handle it. I am sure that lacking knowledge of how some of younger people talk these days that my answers may not make as clear sense tho them. So anyone on here is needed no matter how different in age or experience. We get new advicegivers who don't have the time to answer often and then theres those who try to answer a good majority of all questions that come in. We are of all ages and races, vocations, and with differing life experiences and beliefs and that is all needed. After all, we are only advice givers, not supposed to be problem solvers. People need to make their own conclusions on their best choice based on all the viewpoinsts and going with what they are most comfortable doing. Good luck and if you have a specific question for me when a situation comes up, let me know. But if its something technical or site problems or not understanding how something works on here, just ask dangernerd.
These are some of the ways I do things on here.
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