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he called me a bitch
Lastnight my boyfriend called me a bitch and said he was kidding and didnt mean it. I told him it hurt my feelings and he said sorry. But i just cant get over it.
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You did the right thing to tell him that it hurt your feelings. Stating that is part of letting him know what you consider acceptable behavior from him and what isn't. Have your boundaries and rules and share them right up front with a guy who has asked you out and come back a second time for a date, so you know he is still interested in seeing you. That's the time to teach a guy what you expect. I know how it hurts to have someone you care about say anything bad and then claim to have been kidding.
I am happily married for the 2nd time. The first man was verbally abusive. So if your guy has some kind of emotional problem or whatever is causing him to hurt you and keep doing bad things, the problem is him, not you and he likely needs to see a counselor. It is fair to warn your boyfriend that his use of that word will be forgiven this one time. However if he ever repeats talking to you in any derogatory manner or even raising his voice to you and yelling, that you will end the relationship. You have to be willing to do this or young men are not going to feel they need to change. When girls refuse a guy for how he treats them, if it was done in innocence and not knowing any better, yes give them a chance to prove they can do better but you have to let them know this is one of your rules and boundaries. If he purposely repeats the behavior, its over. Yes, he might break up with you if he doesn't really care about you in the first place. There are more bad boyfriend possibilities than good ones so don't give up if you do not find a good guy from the start. I met with dozens of guys before I found the one I would marry for 2nd marriage.
If you find you can't forgive him for this one time slip up, keep in mind you are actually hurting yourself by choosing to feel that way and it does not affect him at all. Give yourself time to get over the hurt but unless a person gets amnesia, their mind will remember everything from the past, no matter if good or bad memories. However with time, some of the sting and hurt goes away. But its a choice to decide to forgive and give a 2nd chance.
However if he does not realize that he is on unsteady ground with you and that if he messes up again that you'd get angry enough at being hurt again to dump him, its not fair that he feels anything is acceptable and then in a second you only tell him then after he's already done it a second time.
The females, even young ones, who are assertive for their rights to be treated well and put it out there as to what is acceptable, actually do not scare away many males. Young teen boys haven't learned yet and maybe some college age, but in general, men are not stupid when it comes how to treat a women. Lots of the small stuff they don't know, but can learn about the particular girl they like buts its pretty simple for a guy to understand that they wouldn't like it if someone went around calling them derogatory names, so they shouldn't treat anyone else like that even as a joke because their sense of humor is very twisted. Really, it should be obvious to a male how to not mess up on some basic stuff here. This may be a character flaw in him. If you know that you are not going to settle for less than exactly what you need and want in a guy, its then a matter of being imformative to the guy and setting the standards so he has an opportunity to improve. If a guy really cares about you, he will change and improve his behaviour. If he doesn't care, you will know by his on going treatment of you. Lots of guys don't like to see tears on a girls face. If freaks them out in the first place but secondly, if they really love and treat you well, they will be concerned to find if your tears are due to something they did. Now I have the most perfect husband for me but there have been 2 or 3 situations where something he did brought tears to my eyes. He was immediately concerned and wanted to know if it was because of him. When I explained how I didn't like what he had done, He apologized and promised to never do that particular thing again. I can't think of all things to warn him about ahead of time so sometimes it's not until the situation arises that we find a need to clarify things. So be vocal. It is okay to know what you want and ask for it. Mature men who know what they want in a female are not put off by your having and stating your rules and boundaries. It shows the female is self confident and that is something men find sexy. In many cases, men were attracted to self confident women over lack of confidence in models types. It's been proven in tests. So really hon, you do have power on your side if you handle this right. Good luck.
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If it was one time, it might be a thing to let slide...but if he says it more often, especially in anger, it could slowly morph into emotional abuse. My guy has never once called me a bitch, even when I've deserved it. If you guys do that playfully, it's a bit different. At least he knows it bothered you and if he truly cares, he won't do it again intentionally.
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Well you need too because Im sure theres gonna be plenty more of that and eventually your gonna think hes being a dick lol Ive been with my bf for 8 years and I cant tell you how many times we said things like that to one another but let me tell you Im happy as can be.. You dont want to be in a relationship thats so serious and you dont wanna be the kind of gf that gets mad over every little thing trust me on this especially if you love him
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