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Dating a married man
It actually started when he wrote a poem on me over facebook.Before that he was my senior officer n I was his junior in office.Though he is posted in another branch of our office and stays far away from me. I knew he is married and a father of a beautiful 5year daughter.He used to communicate with me only through fb and we used to discuss about feminism and other social theories.But initially i was disgusted with him,poking his nose in every posts I update on fb.then one day he wrote a poem on a picture of mine n i started paying attention and as days passed I started talking to him more n more n i fell for him deeply eventually and he also confessed that he loves me as well.he is12years older than me still we felt this heavenly mental connection and without even knowing we became soulmates.we used to share everything to each other.though i am engaged to another guy n he is married we were not happy with our personal lives n that made spending times over phone n fb talking to each other so obvious.he asked me to meet him so many times but I used to postpone his plans to meet.but he started begging n one day we met n one thing leads to another n we ended up having sex.then again we met n had sex.but no matter how intense my love for him is still deep within i feel very guilty whenever I see his family.i asked him to stop this relationship several times but it seems he can leave everything for me now but can't live without me. I want and need him too.but i just don't want to ruin his family.i wanna stop it here n leave him.so tried talking to him abruptly but couldn't end it as causing him pain is not an option to me.what should I do?
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Get away from the situation. You'll be doing him a favor in the long run. I speak as one who has been in his shoes - my affair didn't go as far as what you describe, but that was only because my wife caught on before it could. I'm certainly not proud of it - the guilt haunts me even though it's been eight years.
If the woman I was cheating with had ended it and told me to stay away, I would have been devastated by it - for a while. But in time, I would have appreciated her for it (not that I blame her for NOT doing so, the responsibility was mine).
What you're both feeling is very intense and can't just be dismissed. So, you must do this BECAUSE you love him and because you don't want to ruin his family. Realize that there's no happy ending at the end of the path you're on, and the longer it goes on the harder the final blow will be. Furthermore, the longer this goes on, the more your feelings for each other will be tarnished by guilt and shame and remorse, until you end up hating yourselves and each other.
It is inevitable that you will cause him pain; it's only a question of whether you do it now and get it over with, or drag it out until it's all that either of you can feel anymore.
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Well, since there is no magic pill to take away heart ache, I think you are just going to have to continue on with this and let the cards fall where they may. Hopefully there is a life lesson to be learned here and you learn it. If not, you may have a future of lots of heartache you cannot hide from.
For example, a man once answered my dating profile and we went out. I had no way of knowing he was married and I didnt do anything but just meet in person at coffee shops with prospective guys. He knew from my profile that I was into honesty and okay with dating a married man as long as I can meet the wife and get her okay on it. I was talking about couples who have an open marriage. WHen he told me they no longer have sex, I told him, that if he wants me as a sex partner, then I need to be able to meet his wife. He refused saying she doesnt know what he is doing and would not go for it. So when I suggested that if he is so miserable, either he find another gal who has no problem dating a man without the okay of the wife or he get a divorce and then be free to meet any girls he wants. He told me that also is not possible as He loves his wife and doesnt want to divorce her. She was still his best friend, just not his sex partner anymore. So I told him, I would not date him but thanks for the honesty.
Wiht your guy, you may have to bring up the subject to find out where you really stand. How does he feel about his wife? Are there problems with sex and intimacy between him and his wife and don't let him tell you its none of your business. It is since he has pursued you and charmed you into this situation. You may discover that he is never willing to leave his wife but as long as you are willing to meet for sex, he'll take what he wants. sex alone does not a solid relationship make. You need someone who loves you, and can devote their whole heart to you and is your best friend. But then again, maybe what I believe that to be may differ from what you think and there may lie the problem. I cannot convince you what your morality should be. That is entirely up to you but a situation like this almost invites heart ache to come your way in some form or another eventually. So even tho you avoid heart ache by staying with him now, fate may still come bite you later.
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