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mythejane99
Hi :) omg i cant do this anymore, it was a big mistake doing girls night out with Diana and Caroline , they probably just used me bc i paid everything for them them , and at school.the dont wait for me when we're going to luch after P.E, they only care about themselves, i had an amazing time last friday and i thought we became closer friends but i guess i was wrong, today we had 8th lesson all class together , so we ended together, we went together to locker for our coats etc...and none of my friends waited for me, not even diana or caroline waited for me, not even my twin brother with boys, NO ONE,(I felt so lonely going home alone 😥😥😥)why no one waited for me ??no one cares for me, am i so ugly or what am i doing wrong, why everybody treats me like piece of s**t? and i have my locker next to.Him , there was crowd of people at lockers and as i was putting my coat onand he came and took his coat and shoes really quickly and he pushed me on purpose, luckily i didnt fall on floor bc i fell on bench that was next to the locker, and then he asked me "Jane why are u sitting on someone's phone?" , he didnt say it in dimunitive like he always used to call me but in augmentative way, he wouldnt dare to do it to any other girl in class, like i said i regret telling him about my feeling for him, why is he doing to me, it hurts so much, i hate him, i dont want to go to school anymore ("i dont matter to anyone")
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I think that hating your former crush is a big step forward. He hasn't behaved well towards you and you have seemed to understand and always forgive him for it. Disliking him for it is a more natural response and actually shows you are getting a better self-image. Not just accepting it. Good for you! Try not to read too much into your latest Friday. There is a good chance your friends did not deliberately leave you to walk home alone, and did not do it to put you down. It possibly just turned out that way. You are still putting out this typical low self-esteem message 'I am of no value'. To be honest, this does attract victimisation, and re-victimisation by others. Especially in environments like schools, where we are all thrown together with people, some of whom we would definitely not choose to be with. I recall you said you are off into higher-education soon? That will be a new set of people, and a new start. How about concentrating on that? Make sure you start off on the right foot. Meet the new people with an honest and open, friendly approach. Treat the last few months as a time in which you have learned plenty about relationships, and take what you have learned forward with you. You don't attach any value to yourself in this particular environment and seem certain that nobody values you either. Redefine yourself. Re-write yourself, if you prefer the term. Moving up to university education is a perfect opportunity to launch the new you. Unlike school, you don't go home. People are there because they want to be, not because they have to be. The relationships are much more adult and I think that should suit you better. I promise you that once you've got a bit more self-belief that you will look back at some of the things that are really upsetting you now and they will look like small children arguing in the playground. A lot of the people you are describing seem to be acting in very childish and immature ways. XX
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