|
why is it so hard to make friends?
All my life i have always felt like the second or backup option. Now that high school is over and im in university ive tried and tried to make friends but they all end up just being classmates meaning after the class is done they have their group of friends to go to. None of my high school friends bother to text me or see how im doing its always me having to start the conversation first. I even tried making friends on my schools facebook page, me and the friends i made talked all summer then when we met at school they dropped me. I basically had to try to beg them to talk to me but then i realized whenever i didnt text them first or initate to hangout with them i never heard from them so i gave up. I even tried going to my schools orientation week, long story short my parents didnt allow me to go to all of the events so the friends i made forgot who i was or deleted me off of snapchat. I tried joining a club but the club meets during a time i cant stay on campus because my parents want me home at specific time since campus isnt safe at night. I didnt think my first year would feel this lonely but it does and its taking a toll on my mental health please help
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You said: "long story short my parents didnt allow me to go to all of the events..."
Excuse me but unless you were in some accelerated program and are in college at younger than 18, they have no business telling you what to do or not do anymore as you are an adult.
If you haven't come to a place of wanting your independence, or standing up for it with the parents(in the nicest way you can) then I wonder if you are not totally comfortable in social settings. I mention this because I used to have social anxiety as a kid and teen but dealt with it and learned how to no longer have those anxieties. Its a process dear and as scary as it may seem, it can only get better if you apply yourself towards gaining more self confidence. In looking back, I realize now that the reason I had so few friends in school was because I lacked self confidence. People are not attracted to others even for just friends, with any persons who are too quiet, have difficulty holding conversations and keeping people captivated, even blessing them with your own brand of humor. I can't say why you are having struggles with friends. Perhaps they all have been bad choices in friends, or initially pretended to be someone they really weren't.
If you are honest with yourself, you likely find it more fun to be around a person who is outgoing, friendly, self confident, able to laugh at themselves and don't mind others laughing with them. I used to think it always was laughing at me. Don't try anything that doesn't feel like its 'you'. Even the quiet people will always have a couple of true friends. But to have none at all, means the problem isn't always all those other people. It's probably nothing big hon, and a few minor adjustments, letting the real you show through, not holding back out of fear, and being a good friend to those who are not yet friends will gain you some new friends. I hope I haven't offended you. I am only answering based on how I interpreted what you wrote and only hope that you might be encouraged to do what you can to enjoy college and make some really good new friends.
Don't worry about highschool frineds not staying in touch. People change a lot from childhood to HS, and again from HS to college. We do a lot of personal growth and changing hopefully for the better at these ages and often the changes we undergo make us no longer as compatible with old friends as we once were. I've experienced this many times, even later in adulthood as I continued to be open to change and improve as a person. There are many people I no longer care to hang with as I would have to pretend to have the same interests or beliefs and that is not how I see myself having a good time.
Good luck!
]
More Questions: |