|
should i ignore him or not ??
im girl 17,i told my classmate(boy) who is also my crush in the concrete i gave him a note, saying i like him. he said he doesnt have time for relationship bc he has activities besides school (he plays guitar, he dances)and also he told me he firstly wants to develop more spiritually, he rejected me :/...then i deleted him from my friends on fb during summer holidays bc i was always checking if he is online. now is new school year and he found out i removed him from my friends on fb, he sent me friend request on fb but i re-added him after two months...but i now i ignore him bc it hurts me so much seeing him everyday at school, he doesnt talk to me,but he talks to other girls in my class..why ?? especially he talks to one girl, i think he likes her :/, i thought he cared for me, but i guess i was wrong,i never should have told him about my feelings for him, it hurts me so much i dont want to go to school, when im in school i avoid eye contact with him and ignore him.. what should i do ? should i ignore him or not ? if not what should i do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
I had to go back 7 0r 8 pages of my past replies to find what I had sent to you. Perhaps you never saw it? I think this was around two months ago. Here's what I said then, the same stands now:
What you might want to focus on is "What am I willing to do." See, you're in the same boat as humans all over the globe who have feelings for someone who when they confess, find the other doesn't have the same feelings in return. This happens to people of all ages and has nothing to do with you being a teen or in Catholic school.
Answering with science: The plain simple truth may be that the two of you do not have that chemistry/pheremone attraction required for two people to get together in a romantic way. This is something that no one in the world can change but wish they could.
As far as emotions, you did mention having a crush too. A person experiencing a crush will feel real feelings for someone. However, as most people having crushes tend to do, most their thought life regarding that person has nothing to do with reality. Everything has to be imagined and is always played out only in the positive tracks, not leaving room for the possibility that the other person may not have the same feelings. So when we crush and imagine what his face looks like when we confess, how it feels to hold his hand, what is feels like to be held and kissed by him, our emotions get very wrapped up in that story line, same as when we watch a movie. We respond with our emotions, depending on the type of movie, in sadness and tears, anger, fear or laughter and happiness if comedy or romance. But we know the story in the movie isn't for real, those are actors and a made up story line but its real to us for the time we focus on it. Theres nothing wrong with crying at a sad movie, etc... but when we apply the same principle to love in our own life, we are going to be disappointed more often than not when taking our dreams into the real world. And that is where you find yourself.
Males tend to prioritize their lives, unlike what females may think. Some can even multi task. But the prioritizing is important to a male and will change throughout his life to some degree depending on life circumstances, their choices in life, and the wishes and dreams they want to pursue at any point. Think of it like a totem pole with something like school having the top place or if out of school, then finding a good job, or working his job. Then below that come other priorities and some males want to make a female one of their top 3. They take seriously every obligation. SO if he mentioned guitar, dancing (for many its sports teams) and wanting to focus more on his spirituality, then he is genuinely normal for a male.
I don't find it odd that he wants to focus on being more spiritual. Heres why: If you found a mouse in the cookie jar, would you mistake it for a cookie just because of where you found it? I don't think so. And with humans, just because they attend a church/ church school, live in a rich neighborhood, have a high position in some company, etc, does not mean that they necessarily are a spiritual person, don't have to watch every penny, or know enough to really do the job in a company. So, you may have thought there was nothing that he could possibly do to become more spiritual when there actually is.
He wanted to remain just friends. Some friends like besties, we see more often, other friends we don't see as often and so we shouldn't read anything into the fact that he wasn't online much if at all. I have lots of people on facebook that I don't talk to regularly, or we don't live close enough to get together and have our lives to live so priorities go to a mate, kids, job, home chores and any thing we might be working on in ourselves, plus what we tend to do for down time. You may have differing things you like to do with your free time. He may just not be as into technology as most people of your generation.
So do you usually keep your FB friends list pretty well maintained, periodically going in to unfriend people? If you do, then deleting him may have been normal if the only people on there are the ones who take the time to chat with you. I have friends who only read what I have posted to know whats going on with me but don't take time to say HI. Thats normal also for FB and other media. I don't delete anyone unless its a guy who seems to be stalking me or something like that. You need to ask yourself why your deleted him.
This brings us to my first question for you...as to what you are willing to do. you feel more like in love with him, he feels only like friends and has made a choice to not date or make a girl one of his top 3 priority in life. And if she isn't one of a guys top 3 priorities, according to a male dating expert who wrote this for women, then the fact is he just isn't in love with him. He may truly like you as a friend but nothing more.
He offered friendship. You deleted him on FB. If you both are truly friends, then he has a right to ask why. That is why he hasn't a clue, cus he's going at this logically thinking this unintentionally he did something wrong.
I understand at the moment you felt cutting him out of you life totally was the best way to handle your disappointment. But I don't think he has a clue yet as to why you really did that. I don't know if you ever explained anything to him at all about all the thoughts in your head and all of what you feel (in detail) or enough so he can put two and two together and realize you deleted him because your feelings for him were so strong that it hurt that he didnt feel the same way. Lets put this situation in reverse.
Lets say your school asked you to befriend someone who doesn't have any friends and you decide to do that with some people, one being a boy you aren't attracted to romantically but you are willing to be a friend. Later he confesses that he is in love with you. What do you say to him if you don't feel that way at all for him? This is a situation that sometimes even has older adults stumped cus they don't want the other person to hurt from rejection by stating the truth that you don't feel for him that way, meaning romantically. What many do to soften the blow is ask if you can still be just friends. Its easy for the one with no love feelings to say but hard for the victim of unrequitted love to deal with. You can't change how he feels. So there are only a few things you can do. One is to do nothing. Explain nothing, don't reinstate him on facebook, and don't go through the motions of a being a friend when you want more.
Of course if you take this action, many may beliece you've become a very snooty person and someone not worth having for a friend and you may risk losing others, and of course, you will continue to feel badly .
YOu could just come clean and tell him parts of the truth. You had a bad day, were upset he wasn't on the internet enough to interact with you so you did something rash and deleted him and then overlooked it. You promise to and do add him back on and staRt talking again and being friendly toward each other at school so it doesn't feel so awkward. This way you won't have to dread running into him at school. You may have no purpose for him in your life, now that you know he isn't interested the same way you are in him, but that is a very one sided situation, one which outsiders looking in might mistake for being selfish...as in "I want what I want anad if I can't have exactly what I want, then you're no good to me, even as a friend or just a fellow classmate."
Is there anything else you can do? I suppose so but wouldn't recommend it. Some people when faced with something in life that hurts or scares them or that they don't like will run away at the first opportunity rather than face and go thru the emotionally difficult times. Hurt and pain always lessens with time until finally in the end, though you may remember being hurt, you no longer feel the pain of it. I have situations like that in my past, even as an adult so I know what I am talking about.
So you could always drop out of school at this point, a yr from graduating or you could ask the parents to enroll you elsewhere for your last yr or homeschool you, all of which they may not have the time for and if public school is the only other choice, they may not want you at such places to begin with. Time to make some decisions. Blessing to you and I hope the pain of rejection will fade for you sooner than it does for most.
.
]
More Questions: |