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"Fake It Until You Make It."


Question Posted Monday October 3 2016, 9:28 pm

I'm sick and tired of being so calm all the time, because people often become bored of me. I can be VERY enthusiastic in text messaging/email, but when it comes to talking aloud... I can't be enthusiastic.

Now I'm not trying to change who I am. I'm actually trying to make myself happier, because being enthusiastic makes me infinitely happier than being so calm does.

So, I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on "faking it until you make it" on being enthusiastic, optimistic and happy.

Thank you for your time!!! :D


[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Tuesday October 4 2016, 12:57 pm:
And what is the right amount of enthusiasm? Because I don't want to scare people off with too much enthusiasm or bother anyone, but I don't want to be too calm and boring?

How can I be in between calm and enthusiastic/optimistic?
.

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rainhorse68 answered Thursday October 13 2016, 11:38 am:
Strangely, I just used the same expression in a reply before I saw your question. Basically, it's like this. If you view your happiness and contentment as 'something that will happen in the future' then that's where it will always stay. In the future. Start giving out the vibes you want to feel NOW. Ajust your presence and persona to reflect this. It's a sound strategy. Sometimes we see for instance, somebody in the workplace who just seems 'destined for higher things' or 'going to the top' to coin some phrases. Why? It may have nothing to do with their academic qualifications. Or background. And we may be yet to see anything concrete to actually prove, or even indicate this mysterious 'potential'. You're looking at someone who has mastered the art of faking it til they make it. Surprising how often it comes to pass too! Think about how you're going to feel when you've grabbed some of life's rich cherries. Confident, self-assured. In control. OK, start projecting those feelings now. One practical tip. Try not to let ethusiasm bubble over int over-exuberent gabbling-on too fast. Self-assurance means knowing people will listen to what you have to say. Not that you have to cram all your views in when you're given a (short) opportunity. Frame your words, deliver them in a slower, measured and not-too-loud way. You might have noticed how the people with authority tend to do this? You want to look 'on-board'. Not like you've fallen over-board! Give plenty of complements too. True authority means not being afraid to praise where it's due and the confidence to delegate responsibilties. Never confuse 'calm' with 'boring' either. Hope there's a tip or two you might work with in my reply? All the best!

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Dragonflymagic answered Thursday October 6 2016, 3:21 pm:
Can't say I know of a way to fake it until you get there. Most people even tho they aren't totally or at all aware they do this, they pick up more on the vibes coming off people than what they actually see or hear from a person.
I wonder if you are assuming enthusiasm is the only thing you need to be popular and loved instead of boring and avoided.
Faking being popular is a fruitless endeavor if that's what you are going for unless you go to the root of the problem/issue and work on that. More often than not, myself included, and probably you too, we just are not attracted to people who are really shy, quiet, seem boring, always looking at the ground, can't meet your eyes,...etc......

and its because people like that are too much work to get any convo out of let alone any quality fun time together so we don't even bother. I even used to be the shy quiet type. Now that I am outgoing, i don't even like having people like that for close friends but I do at least understand them and won't ignore them but my time with them is very limited.
I feel this is normal, to want to be with people that make us feel good and the more flamboyant a person is, the more they will attract people to them. But theres such a thing as trying too hard to please and that can come off as being fake. I work with a 24 yr old gal who has come from a rough past and isn't totally on the right path yet but working same place as me. I watch her and as far as fast food service, for customers who don't really need to ever get close to her, she is well liked for being so extra friendly that is almost comes off as fake. Yes, people want this but in small does such as out and about and the cashier at some store bein like this, it works, but for when we try too hard and I did at one point, it can actually confuse and scare some people away. I believe what you may actually be after is self confidence.
And yes, self confidence can be faked for a while, or at least borrowed until you learn to develope your own from the experience. If you feel it is self confidence that you are actually seeking to become more popular and sought out, then let me know and I can go over that with you.
I wish you the best.

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