|
I'm in love with my little brother!
OKAY DONT PANIC, I just call him little brother. Not literally don't worry.
Now here're the facts:
-He's 3 years younger than me and we're both teens
-We've both done very sexual things
-We're both bisexual males, in that we've liked both girls and guys romantically.
Okay, it all started when we were both young, we met and became good friends. When we grew up, we experienced different things, he told me about it, and I told him about mine. When he and his boyfriend broke up I was the one to console him and after a year from the break up, here we are.
Now here's the problem. I've had relationships with guys before, and before they were my boyfriends, they were first my "little bros", I know, I sound like a predator. But the problem is, these guys get too attracted to me, and in fear I'd lose our friendships, I just accept them, but of course it wouldn't end well.
Now I don't want this one to get lost too. So I want him to stay my little brother. But he is too hot... Like, I'm being serious when I tell you I've tried to find a flaw in his face and body and I swear, not one. I've been trying to push my carnal desires deep down, but he's too provocative. He keeps sending me topless pictures asking "do I look fat?" or similar stuff in a non-narcissistic manner. Non-narcissistic in the sense that I never give him the glory of positive reinforcement, and he still constantly sends them.
I really don't think I could hold my hormones down, and I know it sounds like I'm a bad person and maybe I am, but I genuinely like him cause he's honestly my best friend, and I dont want this relationship to end.
Please don't push that I'm a bad person or a pervert or whatever, I've been getting a lot from my friends already. THANKS A LOT :)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
3 yrs younger is not relevant as a fact until ages are provided. Teens range from 12-13 to 19-20 as far as hormonally growing and some being early or late bloomers. But if talking legal stuff, then depending on where you live, it's generally between 16 to 18, a person is considered able to give consent for sex. When one is considered an adult though is 18.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
So if you are recently turned 18, and have sex with anyone, girl or guy younger than you, doesn't matter how much younger, just one not 18 yet, then you'd be commiting statutory rape. Please read the link to Wikipedias definition of the many types of situations that fall under this title.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Statutory rape laws presume coercion, because a minor or mentally handicapped adult is legally incapable of giving consent to the act. That is how the law is written. I know most young teens would say, "But I know what I am doing and I am fully able to decide to want and have sex." True but they would be doing so while their body may be mature but scientific data says that the frontal part of the brain crucial for decision making isn't fully mature until the mid 20's. In light of that, I find it generous that law allows an 18 yr old to be considered mature enough to decide on sex for himself. Anyone younger is still considered under their parents care unless an 'emancipated teen' and the parents make the decisions for the child.
Now with the legalities out of the way, we're just down to talking about ones desires. I am an older adult and I can tell you that over a lifetime, from experience, you will find yourself sexually attracted to plenty of people, even if you are dating or married or have plenty of partners. It is not neccesarily the fact of having gone without and feeling the need. Our bodies are wired to have this instinct rear its head at any given point in time and not always in good timing or perfect situations. We as humans are also born having an ability to curb our desires, use some adult restraint. If we didn't, life would be crazy not to mention extremely complicated. It is the same restraint we use when we need something food or clothing wise or larger and don't have the money for it yet so its either steal it or wait until the right time to purchase.
It is bad to have such close feelings fora friend, where you both emotionally are there for each other. Hey I had that with girlfriends when I as a female was young but back then no one was talking about nor where there any actively open gay teens. Funny but no matter how close best friends got, there never was the sexual desire for each other.
While 3 yrs isn't a big deal once we are older and adults, during teens years, sometimes a few yrs is closer to a generation gap as far as how mature mentally people are. So if you have never had a relationship with someone your age or older and its always younger, that very fact will make you look suspicious even if you are not consciously planning anything bad. So I can see why your friends would comment.
Just giving you some ideas as to why you may be getting opposition and the reactions you do.
So also, a psychologist looking at your situation might wonder why you are drawn to only younger males (if that is the case) It comes down to perhaps your being more at their level mentally and better able to relate with them in which case, that is perfectly normal. If drawn to younger guys only for sex and not close friendship first, then yes, you could be seen as guilt of COAM, corruption of a minor according to statutory rape laws.
I sense with you that is not your intent.
Right now its about relationships and enjoying sex with people you really care about. To have developed such strong feelings as love isn't even odd. But one must realize that teen love doesn't last into the rest of your entire lifetime. Even many married in their twenties end up not together for life with divorcing and getting new partners later. Teen love while it can be intense, is not mature and knowledgeable enough to last very long. I think you already know about the life of a relationship having had them with guys before. Its just that this time you feel its different due to the stronger feelings. Well, it may last longer but I guarantee that the guys you both are today will not resemble who you are at HS graduation or at college graduation or later. This is a time up to our mid 20's when our brain finally is mature, that we tend to change and grow as people, more thsn just maturity but in our character, personality and all our likes and dislikes and I know from experience that girlfriends I was close to in school, I have absolutely nothing in common with as adults other than we're both mothers and married. And yet back in the past, I could not imagine ever not having these girlfriends in my life for a lifetime. That is life dear and we all do change that much. So even right now, you can not predict that anything could really come of this relationship that would last a life time.
If you want to keep him as a best friend, at least during HS, I would ask him to stop sending the photos and ask him if he feels he can be just your friend and not your lover. If he feels he cant exercise self control, then most likely, you both will end up having sex and the relationship will at some point end like the others. I know as a teen, I was fairly mature, more so than my peers but comparing to where I am now, I was very naive and and lacking knowledge and experience and those things count greatly in ones life. Makes me wish I could go back in time to a younger age while retaining all the maturity and knowledge I've gained in life. It would be a blast instead of an angst driven teen life.
Your fear that you might lose them may have some truth to it, as it is entirely possible to lose these male friends who start being sexually attracted to you. If you resisted the sexual part of the relationship, They may see it as you not feeling the same way about them, rather than trying to preserve the relationship. When its two adults, and not teens we're talking about, I always prefer sharing that the truth is the most stable rewarding relationships are the ones that are not just sexual only or the emotional needs met thru the friendship part but a combo of both. It takes having the friendship first and then as you fall more for each other, then you add the sexual part.
As teens, you don't have much options, and starting a life long relationship of that magnitude is pretty much unheard of for teens, it is that rare. Not saying its not possible as there as always exceptions, just that i wouldn't put too much hope in you and he being the exception.
Sexual addiction? No, at this point I don't think so, this is more of teen exploring and learning of relationships and sex. But for in your future, no matter what your sexual orientation may be at that time, if ever your engagements in sex are so much that they totally interfere with school, work, chores, etc.. all the non sexual but important parts of our day and our responsiblities, at that point its a sexual addiction and you may want to see a Dr. and get into a treatment plan for sexual addiction before it ruins your life.
It could be that simply because your friend knows that you are bi that he has decided he is too whether he really is or not. I have had profoundly deep feelings with friends in the past where I can experience a true feeling of love in my heart that hits strong at times for a person but without having a sexual desire for them. I am sharing this because I find too many young people these days assume both are one and the same. There are other forms of love as deep as the one for ones mate/partner, and family or friends can feel the same. You love your mom and dad right? But if you are normal, you don't have sexual desires for them. I know that teens can tell what their sexual orientation is but in many cases, I have learned it was more of a profound "friend" love, deeper than what is felt with other friends and this feeling is what has a person believing they are bi-sexual. Not all may be as sure as you are that you are bi sexual.
I've had enough friends thru life of all sorts of sexual orientations that i feel I can share all this with truth to it. I am just sharing what I know from their lives. I've known guys who were friends who were straight but apparently they just had a certain look that seemed to draw all the gay guys out to hit on him. The more people I've known, I have heard this repeated over and over, that there really is a look in a male that is irresistable to other males who are gay or bi. So I can't even be totally sure that either of you are fully bi or gay or hetero. Its only what you've told me but I wanted you to hear this as it may be the reason why so many male friends start wanting more than just friendship with you. They can't ALL be gay or bi. I unless you ask a person first if they are bi or gay before be friending them, I would say its pretty odd that a majority of them all ended up going from friends to lovers. So I don't think that it is something you are doing but simply who you are as far as your looks, your personality and then maybe your pheremones. Pheremones if close to the same is what draws any two people beyond attraction of looks into sex. If missing, basically, kissing a guy to me felt as disgusting or yucky as the thought of kissing my brother or father in a sexual way. However, more teens than not, are unaware of pheremones and often end up with people they have no pheremone connection with. I also call matching pheremones, chemistry together.
I know this is a lot to share but I know you feel fairly troubled but your situation and so there was much to share. My guess is that you will have this phenomena thru out your life if its based on having the looks that attract bi or gay males. that you can't change hon, all you can do is change how you Respond to it. I know of bi men and women whose marriage mates know of and are okay with them having a lover on the side. But it takes having a very understanding partner.
So when you get serious about a life time commitment, if you so choose a lady and want to have kids, it will need to be someone who is very open minded, sexually. And it may help if she is bi herself. Both of you would have to be secure enough to not feel jealousy over having the position you have together feel threatened. Its not for now during teen times but later when adults if you chose to go for the open marriage, or swinging or polyamory. But with rampant sexual diseases, it would be safest for both you and your core partner to only have safe sex and also with the knowledge of your first core partner and with all adults having had and show proof of a sexual disease screening to show they are in the clear. Then be mature enough to never allow yourself to cave in at the moment to temptation of sex with someone as a one night stand for you could be taking disease home to not just one but more partners. I know this is more than you asked for but I sense that for you, this may be a life long deal, being a very sexual person and having the looks that attract, well, both males and females. SO I am only trying to help with some direction and possibilities for the future as I likely won't be in touch with you then to help.
]
More Questions: |