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Too shy to tell him.
So, I'm in seventh grade and I have had this crush on a boy ever since sixth grade started. He used to be one of my close friend's friend in fifth grade before my friend moved away, so I know a bit about him. It gets really hard for me to focus in any classes I have with him, I'm not overly obsessed or anything but I just really like him but as I'm pretty shy I don't know how to tell him because we've maintained a friendly-acquaintance relationship over a year now, and I haven't even had the nerve to open up to a friend as him, let alone tell him I like him... I'm just way too shy and afraid he just won't look at who I am as just a friend again, or that word will get around the school and people will bug me about it. Can anyone help me to let him know I like him, and what to do if things go wrong? Or, at the very least, how we can be good friends?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Tell him and if he reacts badly say it was a dare. It's old but it works.
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So he used to know your friend who moved, and thats the extent to which you and he know each other in passing, as a friend of a friend. It really would be nice to know how well you know him. I have friends of friends too. Some I know well enough to consider my own friend too and others I barely know except by name and sight and only say hi and nothing else.
It kinda depends on whether you barely know each other, meaning never talk or hang out or do stuff together, or whether you have been consistently his friend since your friend moved away.
See, if you already have such a relationship, to me, I would describe that as a friendship, even if you both didn't formally ask each other to be friends. An acquaintance is someone like a fellow student you only know little of from observation, but not from interacting with them, knowing just name and face and the few things you can watch at school about them.
This is important as I have two different suggestions based on which it is, a friend or just someone you know of but have not done anything other than say Hi how are you in passing.
Since you say you are shy, I am going to guess that you are shy with all people not just guys.
There is a shyness, more of an unsureness of what to do or not in making friends or more with the opposite sex. Your at the age this interest starts.
If you are shy with all people, you may want to work on getting over that. Its quite simple, but you have to diligently to the steps of a recipe I can give you to get over it. It worked for me and I was in my last yr of HS when I did that. If you want those instructions, that's a whole new long letter so ask for it and i can send it to you here on advicenators but you can't ask for it in rating comments but must go to my column and there's a button there for asking a new question. You can contact me there.
If you are only shy with him or boys in general, here's tips on how to start conversations. Without the interacting of conversations, there is no chance of you becoming friends. So you need to get comfortable starting convo's. Since he's in some classes with you, that makes it even easier beccause you have that class, and teacher in common. So you can always start a chat with asking him a question that is open ended. That means a question that can not be answered with a yes or no cus theres no reason for the other to continue talking if thats all you wanted to know and then it feels very awkward to have no plan. I know cus I've been there. I was even afraid to smile at people or look them in the eye for fear it might cause them to think I was being friendly and they might start talking to me and i had no clue. I was the first child, and my parents didn't know how to help. You have to pay attention if you ask the first question like, "How did you do on the test Friday?" Listen to his answer and try to find anything he said with which to launch your next question. It might be to get clarification and more info out of him. Yeah I'm giving you the subtle way to become friends, haven't forgotten. I just figure that no one wants to do the awkward walk up to someone and ask to be friends or to date... that leaves you open to feeling worse if turned down.
So say he says, "I got a passing grade." and thats all he says and goes back to being silent. How can you get him to keep up talking? He may not be into that subject as much as others. You can then respond with giving some info on yourself in the same situation and then asking another question until you hit something that he likes to talk about and then the convo flows. Once you've had a chanced to chat for a few minutes, you end the talk with telling him, I really enjoyed talking with you and would love to do this a lot more often. Wait and I'll give you my cell # and if you feel comfortable with it, get yours too." Most kids who are not truly interested will not say no but trade numbers. The deal is whether he calls to talk or not. But you can always ask if other than at school whats the best time to text or call him. The thing about liking someone is tricky. Remember the guys have as little experience as the girls in knowing what to do, how to answer. So if a girl or guy tells a person that they really like them when the other doesn't feel that way, it puts them in an awkward spot and they may say things they don't mean for lack of knowing what to do. The best step with guys is to become friends first. Its a given, that a guy likes you at least as a friend if he's willing to talk to you or seek you out in a crowd. Guys dont waste their time talking to girls they aren't interested in in some way. Girls too. The thing here is that we all fear if we act friendly toward someone that we aren't really interested in being friends with or dating, that friendliness might work as encouragement to make that other person you aren't too fond of, pursue you really hard. SO, we tend to stay away from any interaction with people we don't like or have some interest in, especially when we are younger, preteens thru college age even sometimes.
With him or for any future guy you might find yourself falling for, remember at least to never state what you feel as something that exists now, even if its true...thats where even an older adult who needs longer to get to the same place, might with time but knowing you already like or love him, puts the pressure on and scares a guy off. So once friends, it is okay after plenty time hanging out together to state that this is a condition that is beginning to happen. Avoid using the word like or love and remember this one I found in a you tube video on dating, " I am beginning to have some stronger feelings than friendship for you. Would you be willing to explore with me to see if we could be more than friends." Don't even mention being your boyfriend or dating as that is enough to scare males off. Girls tend to go too serious on them too early.
And theres some truth to it. Females are wirerd that way but you can learn how to act differently with males. As you get older, check out dating advice on the net. In meanwhile, lots of the same should work to gain him as a friend.
Keep in mind that a crush is mostly an attraction to someone who doesnt know of your attraction and there may be little to no interacting with them. so everything you feel and dream about them is basically just made up in your head cus of course theres no way to know what if feels like to have this person compliment you, ask your opinion, want to hold your hand, so you imagine what it is going to be like as if its a for sure thing that is going to happen but rarely does.
That sets you up for things going 'wrong' for you as you called it. Your own thought life on him and hopes and dreams can leave you open for the same kind of hurt a girl experiences when a guy she really dated breaks up with her. But it was never a friendship or other relationship if it was all yet in her head. The thing is to get it out of your head and into reality and only you can do that. He has no clue. And telling him now may make him not even want to be friends with knowing how you have feelings of 'more than friend' currently. Let him decide from a friendship if he's even interested in that, to whether he wants something more at some point in time. If I haven't been clear or you have another question now, you can just write to me. Good luck dear.
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well you shouldn't act so fast about it in case you lost him as my experiences ... cause i already pass it you should wait a little so i can understand in what situation you are ... and i don t know anything about him what if he told everyone at school you should help me to know him better so i can help you trust me i can do it i can help you i ve been through the worth if you want my help my username is pamelakaspar96 text me more .... and thank you
best regards
Pamela Kaspar
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