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Aftermath of School Shooting
There was a shooting on my college campus three years ago. I was in class and heard something like a bookcase falling over. A loud bang. A few minutes later I heard screaming in the hallway. My professor looked out and didn't see anything so class resumed but I had a horrible feeling in my stomach. A few minutes later we heard more yelling, and this time something inside me just knew. I texted my family text, "I think there is a shooter." My school sends out emergency alerts and for some reason my sister had gotten the alert before I did and sent a screen shot to our group text that there was an active shooter situation in my building. More alerts came in, and it was found out that one person was already dead and that the entire campus was on lock down. People in my class started to sort of freak out, but before we could make any kind of decision police officers came in and evacuated us from the building. I was so out of it and there were police cars everywhere. No one was telling us where to go so I had to walk the entire way through campus back to my dorm not knowing if the shooter had been caught or if he was out roaming the campus. It was February, below freezing, and I didn't have a jacket but I was sweating and it felt like a dream. Every campus building was locked down and no one would let the students from that building wandering around inside. I threw up when I got back to my room. It was the worst hour of my life.
Turned out, the shooter was in custody at the time of me walking home. And it was determined that the shooter went into the academic building with the intent to kill the other student. The university called it a targeted and isolated attack as if that was supposed to make us all feel better. As if it was supposed to make me forget all of the fear I felt that day. And I did, for awhile. I felt bad expressing my feelings about that day. I felt like I didn't deserve to be upset about it. Even though I had heard the shot, the aftermath, saw the blood, and felt that my life was truly in danger, it never actually was and I didn't feel like I was allowed to feel affected. Even though people's eyes would go big when I told them I was in the building of the shooting, there were students that actually witnessed it happen. Who was I to feel traumatized?
I still feel the effects of that day. If I hear loud voices in a hallway I have to excuse myself to calm my breathing in the bathroom. I can't go to class during syllabus week because during the emergency preparedness section my professors always talk about that day. I feel panicked in movies with gunfire or when a book falls off a table and sounds like a gunshot. It's not like its all the time and its not like its horrible, but as I'm entering my senior year I wonder if I need to do something to face this. And I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I deserve to feel this way, especially after all of this time. But I don't want to leave this school with this feeling in me. There were os many good times and I don't want this memory to be the one that sticks with me.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You are probably suffering from PTSD. PTSD is not just for Soldiers returning from war. You suffered a trauma and even though you were not hurt the trauma is real and needs to be dealt with in a positive and professional manner or it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
I have been a firefighter for most of my adult life. Like the police we see and must deal with things that people should never have to see or deal with. There are some things I just will never forget but because the fire department makes sure we get counseling after horrific calls I have learned how to deal with the stress and trauma of our job. We are not the hero's people make us out to be. We are human and things do get to us.
My advice is to go to the campus health center and ask for counseling.
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