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Am i right or wrong? Leave them alone.
If your the breadwinner of a relationship of 4years and the other mate leaves to stay somewhere else because they stressed about not having a job or being able to do more and not tell you where they staying, and they haven't had a stable job in 4years, Do you stay with them or leave?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
This is one of those questions that we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. If we tell you to leave and you find out you can't live without the other then we gave you bad advice. If we tell you to find the other person and get them to come back and stay with them. Then you you're miserable we are again wrong and have given you bad advice.
You need to sit down and have a conversation with yourself and decide what this person means to you. First put aside this person not having a job as this is very much a part of this day and age.
Now think about what this person means to you. for years is a long time for two people to stay together. Do you love this person? Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person? What has your relationship[ been like over the last four years? Has it been a loving stable relationship or has it been a rocky argumentative relationship?
Not having a stable job is something that can be corrected if you can understand the reason why For some people it is a lack of education or training. This is correctable either by returning to school or enrolling in a trade school. Lack of self-esteem may also be an issue both in your relationship and in the ability to hold a steady job. This too is correctable. Do you want to help this person correct these issues if so can you.
For the self-esteem issues you have a steady job that if it offers health insurance it may also offer an Employee Assistance Program(EAP). These EAP programs are generally available to anyone living with you in your home. IF yours has this coverage I would suggest counseling with a psychologist to get help with this issue. Most programs pay for a certain amount of visits in full. After that you would need to pay out of pocket if this person is not covered by insurance.
You did not say why this person has trouble keeping a job. If it is for a lack of education or training then going back to school or going to a trade school is the answer. Sometimes we have skills and training for which jobs are just not available. As much as we want to work in a certain career field we need to be realistic and find another field we could work in and go get the required education and training for that field.
For my soon his dream job was to be a firefighter. While there are plenty of openings there are thousands of applicants for every opening, it's a numbers game. While any firefighters job would do he was more specific in wanting an airport firefighter position.
After many several years of applying to many departments he got the dream job he wanted because he had the qualifications they wanted. While he waited he became a paramedic and the airport wanted paramedic/firefighters. Most paramedics do not want to be firefighters. This was a job requirement and of the dozen that applied he scored the highest on the tests and had all the firefighting qualifications even though he would have to go through the training academy.
I've told you this story because dream jobs can be had. It's a waiting game and a numbers game. While you wait you continue to build your resume with qualifications to make you stand out when you continue to apply for openings.
IF this person has issues with self-esteem they need to be fixed as they can and do come out in interviews. Now take all of what I have written into consideration and decide if you stay or leave.
I hope this helps.
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For most people these days, it takes two paychecks to make ends meet. Sometimes one or the other doesnt have work, and often not for lack of trying. When that happens, if two people are truly in love and best of friends, the person one is supposed to be most likely to turn to when things get tough or rough is their mate. Some who lose a job, or lose a child or other loved one, instead of finding solace in their partners arms, find their situation tears them apart. It is not the situations fault. If for 4 yrs you were able to somewhat make ends meet, then his/her dissapointment should have turned them to seek out love and understanding from you, seek encouragement and promises that what is most important is that you both are together and love each other and love will see you thru the hardest parts of life. I know it may sound idealistic but its the way it used to be for our grandparents and greatgrand parents time, and it is how things are for my hubby and I. He was working, broke a leg and he lost his job cus of course he couldn't do it and we lost our apt cus we had no more money coming in. I found part time work and as of yet, now that he's healed, he still hasn't found work. We still live in our van and I use internet in librarys and fast food places to write and give advice on here. We may not have much and we certainly hope to be able to work our way up to having our own place again, but what keeps us from going crazy or getting depressed or totally giving up is the one thing no one can take away, its having each others company and love. That is what is keeping us stable. For your partner to run off and not contact you means they are having a lot of distorted thinking going on for them to take such an action. I wonder how strong their love is for you and the only way might be for them to get some counseling to get back to a place of stronger mental health so they are able to face the storms of life that come along. Yes, 4 yrs is a long time to not have a stable job, but you didnt say you were complaining about that. Your only complaint I read in the message is that they left without telling you where they were going and not tell you where they are. If there is no communication back and forth, frankly I dont see how you can have an ongoing relationship with someone who has literally locked you out of their life. Maybe this person is depressed and needs medical intervention before they can make a solid decision whether they want to continue to try a relationship with you...but as same time they have to be willing to seek out that help and realize they need it in the first place and you cant do that for them. If you aren't together, then you don't have to decide to stay or leave cus they already left you. Its a matter of how long you are willing to wait to see if they come to their senses before you give up and move on to finding someone else.
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Have you talked to your partner? Have you already come up with a plan?
I would say if you've already talked to your partner about contributing then maybe it's time for you to move on. It takes two to make a relationship and it takes two to make it. If your partner is not willing to contribute it's time you move on and be with someone who does. You should not have to take care of your partner you both should be working hard. Good luck!
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