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Need opinions on being a cheater
I met someone who lives very far away from me online. But I had an amazing connection with him, loved him completely. Then I met my current boyfriend, who found out about me talking to him later on. He was very upset and threatened to put a restraining order on him. Now I am stuck trying to get him to speak to me and at least get some closure. I would like some thoughts on this situation and what to do. Also want to know if I'm a horrible person. I'm a 17 year old girl
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
The only Real relationships that are LDRS, are the ones that start for the couple in person, knowing and already dating or married and either one or both go to different colleges, go into the armed forces, or some other such reason for being apart for a while, the relationship was already established. There are people who everyday chat with others they met on line either in dating sites, on game sites, or in an avatar world like 2nd life. And these people find themselves easily drawn in to relationships with someone on line but what they are getting out of it is their mental emotional needs met. The part of a normal relationship that is missing is the physical part. So not arguing that one can't fall in love but As i learned in internet dating, the sooner you can take it from the internet into real life is the best. Even I just with talking on the phone until we could set a date in person to meet found my mind drawn in to who the person seemed to be. When I met in person, I found that they had been able to hide too many things from me and were not at all what I was hoping and looking for. Those few who were right, I found in person that both of us did not feel any real chemistry for the physical part. A kiss from the guy was like getting a romantic kiss from brother or dad, yuck. No excitement or passion in their presence.
So what I am saying is that you can't pin your future hopes on a relationship that is only established halfway. So for the internet guy to feel you are cheating on him or the real time guy to feel jealous and accuse you of cheating by having an internet friend, it is ridiculous to me to say either way is being a cheater. One can fall for someone, but until both people are mature enough and old enough to get into a real in person relations and make a commitment to be together for any length of time because both are in love, in is only dating and there is dating with commitments and also without. Dating is for the purpose of discoveering more about a person you are attracted to to see if you are even more interested, and want to spend your life with the person or discover things you will not tolerate and end the relationship.
So you are not horrible, you are like I was at your age, naive about relationships, as I married at 20 and found out after that he was verbally abusive.
Your current boyfriend being upset and threatening to put a restraining order on the other guy is him blowing a bunch of hot air cus he's insecure as a male and will feel threatened if he sees you talking to any male or any male, neighbor, relative or friend or coworker he sees chatting with you, he will accuse you of enticing them, cheating on him or just go and try to knock the guy out with his fists. This is not love for you tho you may think so at your age. it is controlling possessive behavior. So I am already concerned about the boyfriend in real life. Its not easy to learn what to look out for and what is good or bad signs and behavior from a guy but you will eventually learn simply by going thru it all the hard way, the school of hard knocks and there is lots of heartache and pain along the way until you find someone great. some luck out early on.Most like me learn stuff along the way, divorce and then 2nd time around, make a hell of a better choice in a boyfriend or mate.
As for restraining orders, if the internet guy was close enough to actually be physically threatening your new boyfriend, then he could go thru police and court to get a restraining order done against that guy contacting him but he can not set up a restraining order to keep the guy from contacting you. YOu would have to feel threatened and put the restraining order in motion, not him. For him to threaten to do so is a big red flag dear. If you want an in person boyfriend, you can do a heck of a lot better than him. Don't settle for less at this age, you have lots of exploring to do and do not have to commit to a guy to date one. I didnt 2nd time around. I told all the men interested in me that I would not be making a commitment to one guy and stop dating around until I had dating each guy long enough to learn enough about each to actually make an educated decision as to who was best for me in a committed relationship. And trust me when i say that the men were okay with that. Only the few who initially squawked and complained online before even meeting me, were the ones I ruled out because of their complaints...I didn't want an insecure man or another mentally ill one like the first who was controlling and such.
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Hi, first of all just let me say that you are not a horrible person at all! Before you take any action you have to clear your mind, who do you really like? And be aware that falling in love with strangers online is not safe. Do you REALLY know him? Have you ACTUALLY met him? He could be a random stranger who could be pretending to make a connection with you, just be aware of that. But if you say that you loved him completely, then you love him and that's as simple as love. But do you love your boyfriend? Think about who you love more, if you choose your boyfriend, you have to clear things friendly with your "online love", (can I call him that?)
If you choose your online love, you clearly have to break up with your boyfriend, but don't take things to far with your online love, remember he is still a sort of stranger!
Now, if I was you I would tell your boyfriend that he is just a friend. Keep talking to your online love, though. Get to know hime better, see if you really love him. After a while when you know him a lot better and you are close friends, see if you still love him. If so, maybe break up with your boyfriend and ask your online love out. If you see you just like him as a friend, congratulations! You have just made another close friend!
I really hope my advice was useful, yours truly, Advice proffesional.
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