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How can I gain back her trust?
I'm 20 years old girl but I have a VERY strict mother with some very old fashioned thinking. I bought a corset last year behind her back and she found it today. She went on a rampage and told me what I did is the most shameful thing ever and that she can't believe it. She told me that I lost her confidence in me completely and now she wants to cancel my debit card account. Basically I bought the corset because I really wanted to try one,especially since I heard that it helps with people with bad posture and can alleviate a bit of back pains while wearing it. I bought it with my own money but since I didn't want my mom to know about it, since she opposed on me getting one in the first place, I asked a friend if I can use her address. So now she want to know when and where I got it but I'm already in big trouble as it is. What do I do? How can I gain back her trust?
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It is not you who is wrong here but the person being wronged. Mom has to understand that you are no longer a child that you are in the eyes of the law and adult and she has no rights over you. She can no more cancel your debit card then you can cancel hers. She has no right to be on any bank account you have. She may have needed to be on you bank savings or checking account when you were a minor. The day you turned 18 you had every legal right to remove her from them.
Every civilized country in the western world recognizes adult age at 18. In the US you are an adult at 18. For some legal papers you may need a cosigner and for certain loans and rental applications until you build a credit history. Being a cosigner does not give that person any legal rights over you. All a cosigner does is make a pledge to be responsible if you are not.
You are fully responsible for yourself which includes all financial responsibilities, medical, dental and anything else in life. You can ask her for advice but she cannot act in your place without written legal authority to do.
To my mind if anyone needs to gain anyone's trust it is mom needing to gain your trust. Trust that as an adult you have good reason for doing what you did as long as whatever you do is within the realm of being legal.
You had every right to make that purchase. You knew she wouldn't like it and you did your very best not to throw it in her face. That to me was being responsible. The fact that she doesn't like it is a non starter . Whatever your reasons for buying the Corset are your reasons and none of her business. She has to deal with her problem with owning a corset not all are sexual reasons as you pointed out. TO say you have lost her trust is wrong. She should trust that you made the purchase for all the right reasons and let it go at that . Mom owes you an apology.
My advice is simple. Remind mom you are an adult now and allowed to do things as you want or need to do. That you have done nothing that should cause her to lose her trust in you but you have lost your trust in her for not trusting you.
If mom has signature privileges on your banking accounts I would advise you have them removed.
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Why do you want to gain back her trust?
She's wrong. You know she's wrong. You aren't 12. You are 20, and she's wrong.
I mean really, she sounds like she is only gong to trust you, if lie to her about what you think is correct and reasonable. You thought it was totally correct and reasonable to buy this corset. Telling her anything else is just lying to her.
That sucks. That's painful and sad, because it puts up a barrier on the relationship between the two of you, but it's not something you can really fix.
I don't know where you live, in what country or what sort of culture or limitations you may have, but honestly, in the long term, it's better to learn to stand up for your own beliefs and not to try and earn your parents love by lying to them about yourself. Those lies will always fall apart eventually. Real trust and love has to be built up on honesty, or else it's very fragile and can disappear far too quickly.
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