|
My relationship with my boyfriend is becoming a thing of great distress
So, my boyfriend and I got together freshman year. We're now seniors. He's broken up with me three total times and every time comes back saying he regrets it and still loves me. This most recent time he told me we just cant let his family know we're together. Anyway, I've started feeling insecure about the fact we're not having sex/talking about having sex when nobody is a virgin it seems. I just feel like it would be a terrible idea to have sex with how unstable our relationship is? Should I just get over my fear and do it or am I right that I should hold off?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hold off. Please that is something to hold on to cause not alot of people are virgins. Especially since ur relationship has been rocky.
]
So your title mentions relationship stress. But in your message, it sounds like his on again off again status with you isn't what is really distressing but the fact you speak of having sex yet not doing it that has you most concerned. I am assuming you are in HS and it isnt college age we're talking about. Age explains a lot. At your ages, people are only just starting to learn about the opposite sex and how they differ in thinking and how they understand or view things as that has great impact on relationships. And also, we are just starting to get our feet wet with dating experience. Its all new and no one has any prior experience. And now, since still not an adult and under the care and upbringing, teaching and rules of the parents, theres that too to consider. I wonder how well you know his parents and home life and their beliefs. His parents may be very religious with beliefs on no sex before marriage or even no dating anyone of a different religious belief than yours or they may have forbidden him from dating until he graduated or became an adult at 18. Since the last time he says you can't let his family discover you are together, i would say that strongly indicates why he keeps breaking up. His mind is so cultured to their standards and beliefs that even though he may not agree with it or believe it, eventually guilt does get to him subconsciously and he can't handle how he is feeling either from guilt of dating you and going against parents rules and wishes or simply because he realizes for himself that he just isnt ready for this kind of commitment yet.
Since you've been dating on and off almost 4 yrs, this is quite unusual for this age bracket. Early dating never lasts that long, usually way less than 6 months, sometimes weeks or a month. In rare cases, a year. So either the 2 of you are still together because you are both really perfect for each other and thats why he keeps coming back cus he means what he says that he loves you or he, you or both of you would rather stay with someone who is the common known person that is more comfortable rather than moving on to find someone who is yet an unknown factor. People remain in bad relationships simply cus its too scary to start all over and there's no guarantee how long it will take or if you will find someone else and of course someone even better.
I think a good talk is required between you two. You need to ask if its because of something going on with his parents that he has broken up in the past feeling guilt or scared. You need to discover why he says his parents can't know. Hon, there are 26 yr olds who write in about having kept their dating relationships a secret due to having controlling parents who wouldn't approve of who they are dating or want to marry. Nows the time to begin to learn how to communicate in a relationship. You merely hearing him say that you cant let his parents find out and just accepting that statement at face value without discovering the why behind it is not the right way to go. Always take what a person says, rephrase it in your own words to how ever you picked up on it and ask if this is what a person meant. What one says and what the other hears doesnt always match. Or the person hearing just assumes what it meant or has questions but doesnt ask and that is also very bad for relationships of any kind, not just bf/gf but interacting with teachers, friends, family, and co-workers or boss. Learn great communication with people in general and then the how to's of being in relationship with some of the opposite sex, the do's and donts basically and you will have a heck of a lot less stress in relationships if the other person is also mature and doing their utmost to communcate well and to understand others viewpoints, idea's and beliefs. I hope this helps you out a bit.
]
More Questions: |