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What should i do in my situation?
hello,y name is joel and im from the philippines and i just want to hear another person's advice about our relationship. my situation is that my girlfriend broke up with me but she said that she'll give me another a chance. but not as a bf anymore, she said that we need to start over and i need to court her again. after a few weeks, were just getting along just fine but one day our problems just kept on coming and we're fighting day by day so she said that she wants some space between us. so i gave her the time and space that she wanted.
then one day, i discovered that she is super sweet to his guy bestfriend based on what my 2 trusted friends told me when they saw their conversation at the phone. and they are even saying i love you to each other. and my friends saw that months afo before the day she said that she doesnt want to anymore.
actually they became bestfriends without me knowing it. and i only discovered when i accidentally saw their call names while my gf is txting and they are bestfriend like 4-6 months already before i knew about it. its like they are hiding it from me.
her bestfriend is actually my friend. and my gf said to me before. a friend is only a friend. so theres no need to worry. What should i do? should i keep on waiting for her? or should i stop now. it hurts so much since shes my first girlfriend
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There is girlfriend as some people consider the word and then theres my idea of what it means. Some young people just starting out with being attracted to the opposite sex assume that if you befriend a person of the opposite sex, that is a friend who is a girl and thus, girlfriend. To me, dating or hanging out with a person is a discovery period, to yet a time of commitment to each other but a time to find out more about the other person to decide if this person is someone you love everything about, dont want to change anything of and theres nothing harmful or irritating or missing thats needed in how they treat you and likewise how you equally treat them. In relationships, one can develop strong feelings while the other never does beyond just friendship. The best strongest long lasting life term relationships or ultimately marriages are a combination of two things. One is being each others best friend. this is the person who knows you best and cares about your best interests and is one you can trust to be an open book to and share things you wouldnt with anyone else. Some people find best friends of the same sex, so a male who is a buddy like that for you. But its even more wonderful when a male can find a female whom he can truly consider his very best friend among best friends and have a relationship closer than any other. The second thing that makes a love relationship like this so wonderful no matter the persons sexual orientation, is being attracted to them sexually, having pheremones that truly are the same or similar, this is what keeps you still attracted once the excitement of a new relationship wears off in weeks or a few months. Think of recieving a gift for your birthday or some Holiday and how excited you are right before opening it. Months later, is the gift still inspiring the same kind of excitement you felt at the time you were unwrapping it? For most people, unless the gift was ultimately the most perfect thing, something a perfect match for who you are and what you need and want, then yes. But too many gifts are not like that so we lose our interest in them. Its the same with people. She could have been attracted and assumed there was a real connection due to this new relationship energy and excitement but when it wore off, she lost that level of interest needed for the romance and sexual attraction part of the relationship and is left with only the best friend part IF that was ever really there. So at best, the way life goes, you may only be able to be best friends, and at the worst, not even that and have no reason to see each other anymore. So worst case scenerio, this may be what is happening between you and her. Its not a matter of whether she has male friends. A true committed couple who were secure in their love for each other would have no issues knowing their mates have close friends of the opposite sex such as is the case for my husband and myself. I make friends with males easier than females and he has female friends from his past that he keeps in touch with and even compliments or flirts in for the joy of fun of flirting, not the other reason as in letting someone know you are interested in a relationship with them.
As to what your gf said to you, it tells me she hasn't a single clue as to what she is saying and is talking nonsense if the words you used are the same, that she will no longer accept you as a boyfriend but you must start over and court her? Courting is what people do to get to know the other person well enough, just as in dating or hanging out together as some call it. Its the discovery period of getting to know whether the other person is right for you to be in a commited relationship with or not. Not the other way around where young people make a commitment first to be boyfriend and girlfriend and have a committed relationship. this is why you are hurt and why so many adults even who haven't learned this yet, as so hurt is because they assumed the 'discovery period' of being in the company of that person is equal to some kind of commitment when it truly is not. In fact when a man is serious about finding the woman he is wanting to settle down with and marry and raise kids with, its like he's on a mission and many males may date several good prospects for a short amount of time all at the same time until during this dating he is able to narrow it down and then again some more until it is clear to him which remaining one is the perfect girl for him and at that point, he breaks it off with any remaining ladies and then goes for a commited relationship with the right gal and together they work toward getting to know each other even better and work towards marriage. Of course as a young person, a teen, one is far from marriage yet, but any dating done should be done more for the experience one gains in becoming better and better and finding someone who is the best person for you. these early relationships wont end up in marriage, its very rare, but they are good and important to at least learn by, learn what you what in a relationship, what works, what doesnt. and there can be 2 people perfect for you but only one with whom you feel sexually attracted to so only that one is the right choice then. You have much learning to do yet. And being the one rejected rather than the one rejecting is of course painful and makes us wonder if we are lacking as a human in some way. Most often its not that we have some terrible destructive behaviour but that the two just wouldn't be a perfect match. If you've ever played jig saw puzzles, you'll understand that a very close match might cause you to mistakenly place a piece in the wrong spot cus it seems to match, until you get to the end and realize that the last piece obviously is the wrong colors and therefore, somewhere is a piece you put in the wrong location. Lots of relationship are like that, it doesnt mean there's something wrong with the puzzle piece, its not bad, wrong, warped or anything, its just not right for spot it was put in. So it is when dating, dating is to discover if you are two matching jig saw puzzles pieces, the perfect fit for each other, not just close. And like with puzzles, its impossible to always know until you take that piece and place it in that spot to see if it fits, the same with people. You spend time with each other to discover if you are the perfect fit. Sometimes both know each other if the right one or both know the other is the wrong one and so mutually part without hurt feelings. It is when one feels its a perfect relationship and the other doesnt feel it that it hurts for the one who thought it was perfect but it may have only been close and they just didnt realize it.
My interpretation is that she doesnt see you as a perfect fit for her although shes young as you are and when we are young, we make mistakes and sometimes think we have the wrong person when that person is the right one or we believe someone is right for us when they are actually quite wrong for us and that is when there is trouble in relationships, they are rocky, constant fighting, and other conflicts. So sometimes, we don't wise up on finding and keeping the right person until we are much older, like late twenties in age and into our thirties. that doesnt mean every relationship up until then is a mistake, they are all part of our learning experience, a way to help prepare us for the future when choosing our mate to marry so as far as that is concerned, this relationship you had with her was a good thing but it seems to have come to an end at least as far as she is concerned and you can't wait around for her to change her mind on something like this for which there usually is never going to be a change of mind. Its just the way it is. So there is no reason for you to wait around for her. Move on to your next dating experience, and try with each girl you choose to pick one that is some ways is a step better than the last one based on the issues or problems you discovered with the last. How else are you to eventually learn how to find and recognize your future marriage mate if you remain stuck and mourning the loss of one person who was never meant to be your eventual mate.
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