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Confusing Thoughts on an Older Boy
Hello! I am a 17 year old girl who has no idea what to think about this 19 year old boy I'm talking to. I started talking to him over the summer, and we only hung out twice. We texted a lot when I left the area because I was only staying there for a summer program for school. We texted a lot at first, but it started to die off. He invited me to go to a few parties he was having, but they were always late at night, and my parents didn't want me driving 45 minutes to a party that late. The one time I actually drove up to go to one (I'm surprised my parents even gave me permission) he wouldn't answer my calls or texts so I was alone in a different city at midnight with nowhere to go. I eventually just drove back home, and he texted me right when I got on the highway asking why I wasn't there and if I could sneak out. I tried going up there two more times, but he never answered my texts so I didn't even bother actually driving up there. He has never once offered to drive to see me or even meet me halfway. When we text it takes him hours to respond even though I respond fairly quick. Recently he asked if there was any possible way I could drive up and stay the night. Keep in mind he is a college student who lives with other men. He wants me to lie to my parents so I could stay the night with him, and he brought up doing sexual activities. I'm still a virgin, and I've never done anything but kissed three people (him included). When we were texting about me coming over for a night he responded extremely fast, and he was texting more than he usually does. He was also sweeter than he normally is telling me things about how if he took my virginity he would be attached and never would want me to leave. I know he's only trying to get in my pants, but I'm desperately trying to see the good in him. Is it worth it to salvage whatever we have or should I just cut my losses and cut it off? We've been texting on and off for 5-6 months, and he was so sweet when we first met. Is there any possibility that he cares for me or is it all an act to sleep with me and then end it? Thanks for your help! I'm a little naive, and I would appreciate any feedback/advice at all. :)
P.S. I've asked this question already, but I saw your answers, and I would love to see your take on my situation! Thank you so much. :)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First, I want to mention texting or phone calls and how even if one person recieves contact and responds right away that the other may not have their call or text passed on by phone co. and register in their phone. I've had that problem with contacting my sister before Holidays but was able to get thru to her husband. My own husband never recieives texts and calls from me, they show up later as a missed call even tho we test in same room and his phone never rings. I don't know if it means an over load of more cell phone users than towers to transmit or what but I used to not have the problem. Occasional calls do go through but seldom so your guy responding that once may be a fluke or he may not be interested in really hanging out and really liking all of you, just wanting sex.
What I will say about hanging out or dating is that both are a way to get to know the other person better to see if they are someone you want to continue to move on further in relationship with or not. Its a discovery period and not a commitment at all to being bf/gf. But too many see it that way and thats where the trouble and misunderstandings come in.
So my opinion is that hanging out twice is only enough time to become attracted to what you see and pick up on at a surface level only. It is not enough to know what that person is really like deeper down. Now as you've spent time texting him, you've gotten a chance to learn a bit more about him, you should be picking up on more things about him.
My observations: Obviously right after meeting you this summer, there was no problem with texting. Same for me, there used to be no problem calling my husband but there is now. So either he is ignoring your calls unless you text you want to stay the night and have sex, or he isn't getting the calls. I can't say which it is so you might do an experiment. Ask if any of his roommates have the same phone service as he does and ask for the phone number of a roommate to call them as soon as you hang up with him to see if your calls are going thru as you've been having trouble lately with people not recieving your calls. You dont need to mention that its him not answering calls. If at the same time of day/night, with same calling service, the call is recieved by his roommate or even do this with a friend of yours who uses same phone service as him. If the other test person gets the call just fine right after you hanging up on a call with him, then its not a problem with calls not going through and showing up much later but him deciding to not answer.
If you want to make a decision to continue a relationship with him and trust him based only on him choosing to acknowledge your texts and keep in touch, thats your choice.
However its not a solid one by itself as there is so much other stuff to look at that can give you clues as to his character and whether its the sort of male you even want to spend any time with in a relationship.
For example, he seems to be only inviting you to partys late at night, not to do other things like go for walks on a weekend at a park, go out to dinner, dates where you can spend time sharing things about yourself and your past background, the kind of stuff that eventually two married people know about each other. Right now, you are going thru something all teen girls go thru, the excitement of a male paying attention to her. But there is good attention, true interest and seemingly good attention covering up only wanting to use her. Sexual activities is all well and good, however remember you are not 18 yet and I know its just a year but the law had to set a limit. You are under age and he is over so any sexual activity from him with you would be breaking the law and considered rape or taking advantage of a minor. I dont care how grown up you are or how mature you feel, its best not to mix with any guys sexually at your age if they are older than you. I would think you are not ready yet as you want to be with someone the first time that you have deep feelings for and him for you in return. As I have said before and adviceman too, sex without the love felt towards the other on both accounts, means it is nothing more than fucking, or sex for self gratification, not caring about whether the other person is happy. Only when both people have a strong friendship bond, are in love with each other, then sex is a way of showing that love and its calling making love for that reason, its done out of love, wanting ones partner to be pleased, not caring if you get satisfied that night or not as your turn will come another time if not the same night. That is ultimately what every female wants and not all have. If you wait until you find a guy like that, you'll have less regrets. None of my daughters had sex until at least a year or two after graduating HS. Once graduated, they began looking seriously for men they were able to get into a real wonderful relationship with before having sex with them. Learn from the mistakes of a past relationship and choose the next guy based on him being a step or several steps better than the last one.
So if you are curious and just want to finally experience sex with a partner, do I think he's a good candidate? No. He asked you so early on, after only 2 times hanging out and just some texts that its more likely impossible for both of you to be at the point of being each others best friend and also being in love.
if on the other hand, you just want sex for sex experience sake and a poor experience at that, then go ahead and continue with him cus my impression is that all he wants is gettin into your pants. A guy will lie through his teeth to get that and his line of how he'd be attached to you because of sex is bullshit. That's how females tend to operates, letting their emotions rule and sex is an emotional thing for them so many believe them self to be in love with a guy even if the sex is poor and the guy mistreats her just because sex is in the picture. Males don't need sex to fall in love and have those emotional ties with a females, it is a very important ingredient in a relationship for them but it doesn't often lead to a love bond, especially with the younger guys not ready to make that kind of commitment or a life long commitment.
And now a compliment to you, that I wouldn't consider you naive, just inexperienced which all of us are at that age. Your womans intuition is working really well in that you already were questioning the guys intentions. But you show wisdom in reaching out to ask for advice. I think in time if you continue to be wise and rely on your womans intuition, you will find a guy who is worthy of you.
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