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Should I keep dating my current boyfriend?
I've been dating my boyfriend for probably about a month now although we've been talking since September. I've only been out with him three times but it was for two days at a time all three times and we talk on the phone for between 3-5 hours every other night or so. On our last date he told me he loved me and I said it back because I do have genuine feelings for him.
I really like him because he's much more intelligent than most of the guys I've dated, he takes care of himself and I really feel like we click. He's also the first man I've dated that I'm actually physically attracted to which is kind of a big deal for me because my last LTR (2.5 years) even though I thought he was attractive I wasn't sexually attracted to him and it put a big strain on our relationship. I also don't want to give myself away to him too quickly though and I'm scared things are leaning that way because he's very touchy.
We have a lot of fun on our dates and they're easily the best I've had with anybody and he says he feels the same way. I miss him when he's not here and I do want to make things work, but there are also some big issues.
I feel like he's very narcissistic and into himself. Although I like that it makes him dress nice, eat healthy, work out, and take care of himself I always feel like I'm competing with his own vanity.
For whatever reason we both seem to touch on each others nerves. I'm usually a very calm collected person, but when I'm with him things become different very quickly. He'll get me wrapped up into heated debates on things I'm passionate about, and I don't like that because I always try to be classy, composed and intellectual. He says he likes it because it's the "unfiltered" side of me and who I really am not the front I put on for others, but I'm more wondering if he's not bringing out the worst in me?
I also feel like I'm giving too much information about myself away to him. I've told him way more about myself than I have to people much closer to me. By doing this I feel as though I'm ruining that chance to come off as who I'm trying to be (classy, smart, pretty, mysterious and funny) by telling him stories from my past that make me seem a bit dramatic, edgy and too passionate about what I believe in. I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to form the new adult me and get away from the old teenage me so I feel like this is an issue.
Other than that I had plans to start at a high end private university in a month and there I was hoping to meet somebody who I go to school with who had connections and maybe came from an established family that could help me build my future. I don't mean to sound like a gold digger at all, but I feel like I need help in that department because I don't come from a well off family and don't have any good connections with to build my future which is important in my major. I do have a lot of skills that I can offer in return. Of course, with him in the picture I can't do that but I really do like him. I feel like his future could go either way. He has big plans and goals including moving out of the country, but he's going to be graduating way before me (hes two years older) and who knows if he's going to stick around? He says he would for me, but I'm doubting that because he's very passionate about his success. However, that's at least a year off in the future anyways.
What should I do?
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I would say that by the sounds of it. This relationship is still in the beginning stages. So if you have haf a rough past LTR, then it is perfectly normal to take things slow. If you are uncomfortable with how touchy-feely he is being then you have every right to say such. Keep that in mind.
If you feel like hes putting more into himself then the relationship that can definetly be a red flag. I think that the fact that he challenges you on subjects you are passionate about it a good thing. It lets you open up to him. However if he is doing it to belittle you thats a huge issue as well that needs considering.
Keepin mind that moms have a super intuition. They can tell a bad situation or person before they have met them. I dont beleive your mom is saying she doesnt want to met him to be harsh or rude. I think she is doing it to protect uou. This relationship is still very very very new. A month is not long. She will warm up once you guys have been together longer.
It kind of sounds like you know he wont be staying around when he graduates. So it id worth it keeping him around like a cat toy. I think you like the idea of him mor then are in love withbjim.
Hope this helps :)
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