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should I or should I not be friends with my ex?
we broke up and he said he still wants to be friends. I broke his trust unintentionally and hurt him, and he's gone from so in love to not in love at all. he told me that he wants to be friends still, I don't know, maybe it's because we're good friends before we dated. he said there's no trust as more than friends, but trust as friends can be restored. but it feels as though everytime we talk about the past, he brings up the fact that I hurt him and inevitably I feel like crap everytime because I've apologized and he said he's forgiven me. he also said he doesn't believe anything I say, yet wants to be friends still. it's messing with my mind and also makes me depressed a lot more than I already am. should I even bother staying friends with him or not? thank you, guys.
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I think he brings up the fact that you hurt him because he isn't really over it, and hasn't really forgiven you. He may have every intention of forgiving you, but perhaps he hasn't really done so yet. I would also like to point out that the opposite of love isn't hate or anger or sadness, but indifference; he is clearly not indifferent about you, because he is hurt. He may not be in love with you, but he obviously still cares for you very much.
Any relationship - friendship included - is built upon trust. And even though you are the one that broke his trust, you are not obligated to do mental gymnastics to stay friends in an attempt to gain his trust back.
It can really suck to accept that a relationship is over and maybe can't be fixed. It can especially suck when you feel like it's your fault. But often, the best thing to do is to just walk away. If you'd like to reman friends, you could say something along the lines of;
"Hey, I really care about you and really want to be friends. I feel horrible for what I did, and I feel really bad for making you feel *insert his feelings here.* I get really confused sometimes because you say that you have forgiven me, but whenever we discuss our past, you bring up the fact that I hurt you, and it makes me feel like crap. Trust me, I am beating myself up over what I did. But if we want to stay friends we need to move on from this so we can build up trust again. Do you really feel like you have forgiven me? And if so, do you think that we can maybe not bring up what has happened so often? Do you want to talk about it now?" Give him the opportunity to talk about his feelings if he so chooses, and if he fights you on it or tells you that you deserve to feel bad for what you did, acknowledge his feelings and tell him that his behavior has been confusing and messing with your mind. Explain that you've been depressed lately and just can't be friends right now if he is not willing to try to move on.
Of course, my message is a little cold and impersonal, but it's a guideline for what to say if you need ideas. Best of luck!
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Do you want to be?
That is the only thing that matters and it doesn't sound like you do. Put it this way: If he wasn't your ex, would you put up with a friend who made you feel shitty all the time? Who went out of their way to hold the past over your head? Who wanted to remind you they don't think you are honest, and don't trust you? Someone who forgives you isn't supposed to be constantly trying to put you down.
That's not friendly behavior. You may have fucked up terribly, but he is wants to be friends, he needs to be friendly. If he weren't your ex. If he were just a friend you'd probably at least take some time and space away from that friend, if not just flat out tell the friend to take a hike.
Maybe he was a good boyfriend, and maybe you did hurt him terribly, and maybe he wants to forgive you, but he's still not acting like a good friend.
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