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His ex girlfriend...
I'm 25 my boyfriend is 23. We have officially been dating for about a month now. We both came from long-term relationships with our exes. I do not talk to my ex at all, no contact, no social media - nothing. On the other hand my boyfriends ex will not leave him alone. They do have a dog together but the dog stays at his exs house and he will go pick him up when he can or when she needs him to. When she found out we were dating she texted him saying that she can't believe he moved on and that shes mad he didnt ask how she would feel before he asked me out. It's not like they were only broken up for a week - they had been broken up for about 6 months already. She's constantly texting him and recently she texted him saying she wants to talk with him about how shes feeling and to get things off her chest.
I've talked with my boyfriend how I feel uncomfortable with her always trying to contact him and he agrees. He said he would be mad too if my ex boyfriend was doing that to me. He said that he doesn't even text her back. He said he appreciated me coming to him and being honest and talking to him about it. She's been calling him though and he doesn't pick up. He's told me shes crazy and wants nothing to do with her. He said that either hes going to tell her to not contact him at all or only if its about Cooper (their dog). He thinks that if he says that though then shes going to use that as an excuse to contact him all the time. I told him i would feel guilty for him telling her to not contact him at all because then he wouldnt get to see the dog.
He's reassured me multiple times that he wants nothing to do with her, he only wants me and would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. It just makes me uneasy when shes constantly trying to talk to him and she wont leave him alone. I admit I have some trust issues, specifically because of my past relationship. I'm working really hard on it and my boyfriend knows about this but I don't know what to do!
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A dog is like someone's child it is very hard to part with them. I think you two are doing the right thing talking about this issue. Even though you say you have trust issues, trust is something that is earned not always a given. Talking as you are should be helping you with your trust issues and learning to trust him as well and hopefully not until he proves differently.
As for his girlfriend because of the dog she does have a card to hold over him as far as having continued contact. As far as her phone calls are concerned you can on any phone, cellphones in particular, block her number. This will at least stop her calls from coming through. You might suggest this to your boyfriend. It will also stop her texting. He can unfriend her on Facebook so she cannot see his postings though she can still send him messages.
I understand having trust issues especially if someone broke your trust in a previous relationship. You can't go through life today without trusting people. Some people have to be given trust on face value. A police officer would be such a person. Others like your boyfriend get a certain amount of trust up front and the rest they earn, just as you earn their trust as people get to know you.
It is unfortunate that there are people out there who will take advantage of your trust. As you get older, wiser and more mature you will learn to spot the con artists before they harm you.
I look at it this way. When two people enter into a relationship there comes a time when that relationship becomes or wishes to become sexual. Sex to a man is mostly mechanical and does not require a whole lot of trust. For a women it is different, trust is a big part of having sex. If you are at the sexual stage with this man then he has earned your respect and trust. Build on that with him and don't worry about her jealousy.
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