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more advice on being shy
On my previous question about being shy and disliking presentations, you mentioned that you would share some more advice on being the first to talk to someone if I sent you message. I would be very interested in that advice, as that is definitely a problem I have.
For instance, for this same project that I am so stressed to present, I am working in a group with two people I don't know that well. We had one part due last Friday, and we hadn't even started by Thursday, so I knew I had to talk to them, but I was too scared, so instead I sent an email, and instead of giving them my opinion on what we should do, I laid out pretty much every option we had available....and now we aren't doing what I would have liked to do because I was too scared to tell them what I wanted.
Anyways, yeah, some advice on talking to people would be nice.
Also, you had mentioned something about talking to my new crush about how I liked them, but I don't know how to do that. Well in principle I know how, but....yeah. I've had a crush on the same guy for about 3 years, and I haven't done anything because I can't get up the courage to say anything, and I'm afraid that if I do say anything, he will think I'm really weird, and our relationship, such as it is right now, will be ruined. I would rather be semicontent being friendly aquaintances than risk ruining our relationship for the small chance of him returning my feelings.
Sorry, that's a lot of talking...but I have had all this stuff stuck inside me and there's pretty much only one person I've told this too-not even my best friends, someone sort of outside all of this...and of course my journal knows all of this because I can't keep it all inside.
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Here are the steps I went through. I had prayed and these are the steps God or my angel told me to do and it worked. I hope it works for you in getting over fear of talking to people. I did the following with strangers but you might do this with everyone since you have a hard time with even those you know.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2 (I was afraid if i smiled it would encourage people to talk to me so even this was hard) skip this if its no problem.
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it. repeat often during day, dont try to just accomplish it once, if there's a person in front of you or near you, do so.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10% of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people. As for a crush or boyfriend, you'd need to overcome and become a pro at this first before trying to talk to him. Once you aren't afraid to talk to anyone, then is the time to approach him. Do the same steps as before. Guys like compliments too and have a want to feel needed and appreciated so if theres any small favor or help he might be able to do for you, ask him. But for the very beginning step: Start with smiling and looking his way often. Let him catch you looking before you look away to go back to what you were doing. And if he's not busy or surrounded by his buddies, then approach him and chat with him. Good luck.
This should help you.
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