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How can an introvert be happy dating an extrovert?
so I'm an introvert who's dating an extrovert. I'm also a bit of a loner, but when I hear about him talking about all his friends and it depresses me since I never experience friendships like hanging out and talking all the time. If it wasn't for him, I would be perfectly okay with only having my online friend to talk to. But I feel like I'm the unproductive one in this relationship. But I don't like hanging out and I barely like talking to people, though I hate being the one who doesn't do anything. But I love being a loner; I love all my time spent with just me, but... It's so hard to explain. Sometimes I just wish I had never dated him and had met an introvert (and loner) who understands. But how can I be truly happy being an introvert and loner while dating an extrovert?
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Obviously, he saw something in you that he liked and attracted him that has nothing to do with your introverted state. I do have a few things to toss out there so we can clarify that it is indeed 'introvertism' we're talking about here or whether it may be something else. Heres the definition of introvert:
Definition:
One central dimension of personality is introversion versus extroversion. An introvert is a person who draws energy from time spent alone. Introverts find social situations draining and need time alone to recharge after being around people. They tend to be introspective and like to explore thoughts and feelings. They may prefer to talk about concepts and ideas rather than making small talk.
Introverts usually like to work behind the scenes, prefer written to verbal communication and express themselves only after careful thought. Introverts make up 25% to 40% of the population. Introversion is not the same as shyness or social anxiety; being an introvert does not mean that you are necessarily shy or socially anxious.
I got that piece online. Note at the end the mention of shyness or social anxiety. That was my problem in the past but I called myself an introvert and yet that was not what was going on with me.
See, if its social anxieties, you can be healed of that so you can do well in groups of people and actually enjoy it, but still balance your time to have lots of alone time. I still have alone time which I like alot but I also realized after getting over shyness that I really do like my doses of being social too.
There are known personality types who prefer to be mostly loners or have very few friends. Having to navigate in a world filled with humans, its best to learn how to get along with, but be able to communicate to others that you aren't much of a social person, nothing against them personally. So you do have to learn how to communicate and interact effectively to some point if you aren't already.
As to two different people dating...if its shyness, that can be overcome with self help books or seeing a counselor. And a relationship can still work out and you both love each other enough to make some compromises and not resent it.
However, a person who is really in love with you, will want to go places to show off the woman he loves, that he's so proud to be with...yes some guys do...like my husband even if its just running errands together. But especially a party where couples are meant to be. If he's very social and ends up feeling torn between wanting to stay home with you or going to see friends, it can eventually grow old. If you don't choose and pick just a few events or gatherings to go with him to, then he can grow to resent you, realize he's unhappy and then leave you. Or you end up resenting his trying to beg you and take you out away from home so you leave him. You are the only one who knows yourself best. So this is your decision to make. HOw flexible are you? Is there some shyness involved too? Do you really want to live a life without having a mate or significant other and never having children? These are some things to ask your self. I think its possible to have someone more outgoing than yourself as I had with my first husband and the two change in personalities to come to a meeting ground they are both happy and comfortable with in the middle. But whether you both can do it, I dont know. But you at least owe him a heart to heart talk about how you are feeling and your concerns. If he's still willing to go for it, then give him the chance, he may be able to adjust without chaning himself that much, or you might find you have some room to adjust without feelings you've given up some parts of being introverted.
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