|
In love with best friend please help
I have this friend... my best friend, actually. Karlyn is her name. From the moment I met her, I felt something more than just friendship. It vaguely resembled love, but I didn't know exactly, and didn't want to face it, so I suppressed the feeling, not knowing that Karlyn was dealing with the same thing: Karlyn loved me.
It wasn't until after I experienced a bad relationship with another girl that I realized how I felt about her in full: I was in love with her. I confessed to her shortly afterward, and she told me she felt the same and had for a long time. However, she had lied; while she had at one point felt the same, she'd gotten over me when I was in the other relationship. Now, she's interested in some other guy, and I don't wanna lose her. I love her so much and I want her to be mine so... how do I rekindle those feelings she used to have? How do I make her fall back in love with me...?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You can't make someone fall in love with you, unfortunately. My best advice is to move on. She's over you, and she must have kept it a secret to preserve your friendship. If you put too much pressure on her, you could ruin your friendship. Just to move on and remember it will all work out in the end
]
You can't make someone fall back in love with you, they either do or they don't. If it's meant to be, it will be, if it's not then it won't. Eventually, if her feelings for you really did mean something, she may find that she is still in love with you, but until then, you cannot make her fall back in love with you. It's so difficult being in love with your best friend because you have the fear of losing them, but it sounds like you have a really strong friendship, and if it is as strong as it seems then you won't lose it, because she obviously cares about you a great deal and it's clear that you care about her, too.
Unfortunately, there's not much to do in this situation - I guess you have to make a choice: fight for her, let her go, or remain friends. If it's too hard for you to be around her because of your feelings then I would suggest letting her go, but sometimes it's best just to have someone in your life even just as friends, because then you can still see and spend time with them. It all depends on how you feel about it, whether you think it would be worth fighting for her or not.
You said you don't want to lose her, so I'd say tell her how you feel, if she insists that she doesn't have feelings for you then stay friends, because that way, there is still a chance, because she could realize that she does actually have feelings for you. However, if you fight for her there is a chance that it could end badly and then you won't even be friends.
Let what's meant to happen, happen. Don't force fate, let it run it's course.
]
You say she lied, and that this lie was spoken at the time you confessed you love her. Was she at that same exact time in a relationship with someone else? If so, do you know that there are some people who believe they are monogamous but find themselves in love with two people at the same time? Thinking that monogamy is the only answer, they have to choose one. There is such a thing as polyamory, being in love with more than one at the same time. The deal is, this is an out in the open relationship style where each member of a group of interconnected lovers all know and give their appproval. Nothing is in secret. I dont know your ages but falling in love with two different people is possible, just not really common. For most situations, it means one person wins and one loses.
So a heart to heart talk is needed where you don't accuse her of lieing but ask questions and own your problem by starting statements with "I feel.." instead of "You make me feel..." Find out if she has love for both you and this other person. If she truly doesn't love you in return, then perhaps what she thought was love for you was not. I don't think that if a person was truly in love with someone that they can fall out of love. It may go into limbo awaiting to be rekindled. OUr subconscious mind is where our emotions lie and that mind does not forget love and feelings and memories very easily at all. In fact the subconscious hinders us often from getting over really bad partners who were harmful to us and yet we still have feelings of love.
If she claims to love both of you at the same time, it depends on how open minded and mature you both are to share each other. Could you share her with this other. And if you found a second person, could she share you? And would her new partner be okay sharing her with you. Lots depends on working things out this way, otherwise there isn't much to be done if she truly says she doesnt love you anymore. If she says no, then you need to honor her wishes as much as it may hurt and I know how much it hurts cus I've been in your position in a slightly different circumstance. If not willing to let her go, just for now, continue to be a good friend to her, willing to talk about old times and good memories together. Treat her well and dont act jealous. If in time her new relationship goes sour or she begins to question who she really wants to be with for her entire future, most people will be drawn to the person who treats them the best, is the most mature, self confident, and loving but thats unconditional love, meaning you love her but dont expect anything in return for your love. When faced in her future with deciding which person she wants to be with for life, it's more possible that you will be a candidate if you bide your time well. To try to force the situation and coerce her away right now would not come across well if all of you are monogamous.
]
More Questions: |