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Dating Again
21/f
So I recently started dating again and met someone I'm interested in. We've gone on two dates so far but seem to hit it off well and have plans for another.
That stuff doesn't really matter though..
My mom passed away a month ago. She had a stroke and was in the hospital for a month before she passed. It was heartbreaking. The doctors told us she was going to live. She would open her eyes and smile and was responding and all that. They were looking for homes for her to go for recovery. But she ended up having another stroke.
Anyways I'm rambling..
My friends were shocked when they found out that I'm dating. My dad doesn't seem to see any problems with it.
I think they think I should be grieving more. Well, I am still grieving but I think they expect me to sit in my room and isolate everyone.
Is me dating a month after my mom passes away inappropriate?
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I have two thoughts on this. First; everyone grieves in their own way. Second; I do not think your mom would want you sitting around morning for her. Life goes on ,we still must do what we must do on a daily basis after a relative or close friend dies. We go to work, we go out with friends and if the right person comes along we go out on a date.
I'm sure your mother wanted you to be happy when she was alive and there to advise you. Nothing changes just because she has passed away. She still wants the same things for you. After a short period of mourning it is appropriate to try and return to a normal life. Which is also part of mourning for someone.
Don't let your friends discourage you from dating this man. IF you are comfortable dating at this time. Then it is the right thing to do for you while still mourning your loss.
My only advice to you is this. Be careful with giving this man or anyone you heart at this time. For it is very easy to mistake his affection as the love you have lost and looking to replace.
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No hon, it is not. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. Many get stuck and don't process through properly and end up so depressed they can't even think about a new relationship.
It is also well known that having a sense of normalcy, that life goes on, like getting into a new relationship is what helps others much better in coping and recovering from a loss.
When I lost Mom, I did about half and half, a few days of the hard grieving and crying til I had no more tears and then turned to things of normalcy that promised life goes on and of course did things too from time to time that reminded me of Mom, such as carrying on a Christmas traditionn of hers. Playing a favorite song of hers, or thinking of Mom while browsing thru 2nd hand store clothing for my kids growing like weeds. This was something she always astounded me with, finding the prettiest clothing for the cheapest prices.
If you feel compelled to explain to your friends to help them understand better, you could explain to them what I've just said to you. Not for the purpose of defending yourself, but if you are the caring type who can put yourself in someone elses shoes, you can feel a bit of how helpless they feel to know what to say to you. If they just knew you needed to experience life going on as usual with new experiences as your particular way of dealing with grieving, then they may feel relieved and not avoid you but know they can invite you out to a movie or party and be happy to include your boyfriend.
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