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What's it like having a best friend? I have fake friends?
What's it like having a best friend or a REAL friend in general? So far my high school experience I have a lot of acquaintances, fake friends and "friends" but no close friends or best friends. So friend A) got her first boyfriend a year ago and ever since then she's been all about him, she only calls to talk about him, whenever we hangout he's always there and if he can't go then the plans are cancelled. It's gotten so bad to the point she just stopped inviting myself and our other friend and only invites him out. Even at school she used to hangout with me at lunch but now she waits by his classroom at lunch by herself waiting for him to come out. Friend A) doesn't really care about other people's lives unless it affects her or her boyfriend. Friend B) is my most judgemental friend she's always telling me I'd look better with makeup, in grade 9 she told me that she's happy I'm lowkey which means not popular because she doesn't hear boys say how ugly I am which is a good thing. In grade 10 she said she's imagining how I would look with longer hair and makeup and said I'd look so pretty. Also I'm fairly dark-skinned so she said we should go to the beach just so she could see how dark my stomach is. In grade 11 I finally grew my hair and she said that now I need is makeup. Grade 12 started and she said I'm really boring and that I should wear makeup. Friend C) she just talks too much, I'm the type of person who likes my space but she calls me 24/7 no exaggeration it died down now cause school has started but she still calls me here and there. Now all she talks about is this one guy she likes and it's irritating because when you bring something else up she re brings up the guy. Friend D) is boy crazy she only talks about herself and when I bring up my problems she brushes it off. So these are the types of friends I have none of them really care about my well-being in my opinion, I just really want that go-to best friend, I thought friend A would be the friend but then she got a boyfriend and everything has changed. Friend B can never be a bestfriend because she is too judgemental and she already has a best friend that she hangs out with outside of school. Friend C already has a best friend also that she always talks about and friend C also always had to talk about stuff from her culture that only people from her culture can understand. Friend D has a bestfriend that she calls her sister, friend D mostly hangs out with me if her best friend is busy so I'm kind of like a rebound. How do I make a best friend? I tried branching out into finding new friends but they always acquaintance zone me, never wanna get to know me better, also everytime I make a new friend at least 3 of the 4 friends ends up trying to steal them away from me friend B almost took friend A away from me at my own birthday. Speaking of my birthday, all my friends forgot about it the only ones out of the 4 I've mentioned that said happy birthday were friend A and D the other two didn't. At my birthday party the guests all treated me like crap they all would leave me out of everything and took pictures without me. At my own birthday party when we took group photos they all pushed me to the back of my own birthday photo to pose for the camera when they knew I should've been in the middle. At my own birthday party nobody really talked to me they mostly talked to each other or criticised how I should have had my party at a later time. These are the kinds of friends I have and I know that I should feel grateful that I have friends but how can I feel grateful when I feel so alone? None of my friends really know me at all, I feel like if I died tomorrow none of them would really care, I complain to my parents everyday about having no friends and whenever they mentioned 3 of 4 of those friends I wish they knew how they treated me then they'd know why I always complain. So basically my question is where can I make new friends? How can I make a best friend? Meeting people at my school isn't really an option cause since its grade 12 everyone already has their own cliques except me though friend A,B,C,D are all in different groups of friends so it's not like a have a stable group of friends. Please help if you read this and thank you if you read up to here I'd really appreciate the advice. Here's info on my I'm 17 year old girl who is currently in her last year of highschool I'm not really a social butterfly I'm totally awkward and sometimes get anxiety so it's hard for me to make friends unless they talked to me first or their easy to talk to. It's hard for me to think of conversation topics unless I've known you for a long time. If I don't know you for a long time my go to convo starter is about school if I met you at school
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Best friends have your back. They stand on common ground with you. They share or at least respect your interests and hobbies, and don't criticize you over pretty things like how much better you’d look with makeup on. A best friend isn't someone who hurts your self esteem or someone that tries to change you for their own benefit, instead of your own. That being said, a best friend does not have to be a carbon copy of you. In fact, they might be very different in background, personality, appearance, or beliefs. Which is again why the keyword with a best friend is “common ground.” You may not agree with everything they say or do, but you still think its fun to be around them anyway. You know they care about your well being and they understand your personal issues because you can share things with them. But it goes further than that, because for a friendship to work, you have to be a best friend back to them. A best friend is someone who offers to help you out when your going through very difficult times, not because you asked them to, but because they want to help. They have your back. When a boyfriend breaks your heart and leaves you sullen, your girlfriends (or platonic guyfriends) should be the ones you are able to fall back on. And while they shouldn’t give vain and hurtful criticisms about how you should be, they should also be the ones to speak up when then they think your about to do something stupid. I have a best friend. At first glance, we’re a couple of guys who couldn't appear to be more different, but as it turns out we have a similar sense of humor, have similar medical conditions that we’ve both learned to cope with, and are interested in many of the same things- while some other hobbies we don't share but have a respect for (he does martial arts and collects antique weapons, I read books and frequent book stores like they’re candy shops. I find martial arts and swords interesting but have no such athleticism to speak of, and he is an intuitive, knowledge seeking person who happens to not like reading, albeit for his own valid reasons). Mind you not all friendships will be the same, but generally speaking a a good friend should feel like the sibling you never had. You look out for each other because its instinct, rather than an expectation. They’re your brother or your sister. Theres never a moment when two people officially become best friends. If they hang out long enough, then eventually either they are or they aren’t. You’ll know the difference. As for finding a best friend, that can be tricky. I wasn’t looking for mine. My advise is to look deep. Figure out what your interests are and seek out groups of people who share them. Its never too late to join a new community of friends, not even during your senior year- I promise you. Can’t think of anything right off the bat? Try being a part of something you’ve never even considered before. Join a sports club, or get involved with a local/ school theatre group. Strike up a conversation with that one quiet girl you’ve noticed since junior high but never actually spoke with before. Can’t think of a conversation topic or a way to introduce yourself? Then just be honest. Tell them your looking to make new friends. I can’t promise they’ll accept you if you try, but I can promise you that they won’t if you never give them the chance. Be brave. You know what a best friend is and you know you deserve one. So go out there and be one to someone else! You know you got what it takes to be a best friend. You just got to find someone who will do the same for you. Surround yourself with others who are worthy of your time and talent. I hope I was able to help, in some small way.
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