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summer love, were both going home. how do i confront him ?
Hello,
So I met a guy at my internship that i got for the summer and we really hit it off. We have been hanging out a lot and becae really good friends. We have started having sex but nothing about our relationship status has been declared.
In a couple weeks we are both moving back home, which is about 6.5 hours away from each other. I really like him and would like to make it work so that if we were to start dating we could stay together and see each other as much as possible.
Before a couple days ago he hasn't really said much about going home but the other day he brought up how close we are to the end of summer, i asked if he was happy to be going home and he said will be sad he doesn't get to see me. Some of his friends have came up and visited them and he took me to meet them and introduced me.
I'm not really sure where his heads at and I really dont want to say anything about our situation until we leave because if the conversation goes badly I still will have to see him at work everyday until the end of summer.
So do you guys think that I should wait for him to bring it up? Do you think he'll even bring it up at all? Or should I bring it up? and if yes, what should I say to him?
Thank you in advance
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In a way I agree with what misspiggy is saying but all you can really do on that is live and learn.
As for the situation at present, it might be a good idea to bring it up in a conversation with him and see how it goes. The thing is at this point he could be thinking the same thing as you and is thinking he will wait until you bring it up in which case waiting until the last moment to bring up something like that would probably not be the best of ideas. On the other hand he may like you but sees it as being nothing more than what it might have started as - just casual sex with nothing serious.
I personally think it might be a good idea to try talk to him whenever you can more for you so that you know where you stand on things. I mean you should ask yourself if he is not serious about you both being together then is this something you want to pursue? I can't really decide myself if he will bring it up. He might because he wants a relationship from it all or he may want it but won't say anything because he feels you don't want the same thing. As you can see there is a dilemma here because he could be thinking the same thing as you. Best bet in my opinion will be to talk to him yourself. If things don't go well then yes it could become awkward at work but then you need to decide what is more important to you: knowing where you stand or just carrying on hoping he feels the same.
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You go through the entire summer with this casual sexual relationship, and now that he is leaving town you want to surprise him by asking him for commitment as he is leaving? This sounds badly thought out.
Having sex before a relationship is declared when you are looking for a relationship is a fail. It sends the message that you are a casual person who does not care to work on the emotional side of a relationship.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how your thought process probably went. You probably started out feeling pretty casual towards him and then feelings developed which you did not expect. I get it.
BUT DO NOT EVER PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION AGAIN.
If there is even a slight chance that you will want a relationship with someone, you should solidify the relationship before having sex, otherwise you are creating problems for yourself.
Before you have had sex, the frog in question will be putting effort in to get your attention. This is the time to start dating: when the frog is trying to impress you.
When you do it in the reverse order and have sex first, it will always be an uphill battle to develop a relationship because the frog will have already achieved his goal with you and will be less motivated to put emotional effort in.
t's one of men and frogdom's all-time idiotic offenses. You give him the pleasure of your company (plus untold hours of prep time) and in return he does not bother to commit to anything unless it is spelled out for him.
As of right now, having sex outside of a relationship has sent the message that he can have physical access to your body without any commitment. You have made sex too easy, so he won't be motivated to ask you out. This is why you have to be the one to bring up dating. He will not bring it up because you have already slept with him.
Learn from the situation you are in. Do not put yourself in this awkward situation ever again.
All of that said, I'm sure this frog does have genuine feelings for you. It sounds as though you two have connected and shared a nice summer together.
This is why this conversation absolutely cannot wait until the end of the summer when you both go your separate ways. You have been sending him the false message that you are okay with sleeping with him without a commitment. This needs to be corrected immediately. He deserves to know what is on your mind. Moreover, you deserve a friendship with him that is open and honest, whether that turns into a dating relationship or not. Don't cheat yourself the opportunity to ask for what you need just because you are afraid of rejection.
The next thing to discuss is how to bring it up. I suggest you bring it up by refusing to have sex with him the next time he tries to be intimate with you. When he asks why you don't want to have sex anymore, tell him you do not want to have sex with him anymore unless it is within the context of a relationship because you really like him and want to take your friendship to the next level.
If you do this, it will communicate to him that sex needs to come with a relationship for you. He will likely make the emotional effort if you demonstrate that it is something you need.
If you do follow my advice, I am virtually certain he will agree to date. If he says no, it would probably be because he doesn't want to do long distance; I can't picture him rejecting you personally considering what you have written.
WHAT VOUS NEED TO DO: The best defense is a good offense, which means that you must never give up trying to make him commit. Remember: Never stop being offensive.
Good luck, and tell moi how it goes,
Miss Piggy
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