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Summer love, hes moving back home will it last
Hello,
So I met a guy at my internship that i got for the summer and we really hit it off. We have been hanging out a lot and becae really good friends. We have started having sex but nothing about our relationship status has been declared.
In a couple weeks we are both moving back home, which is about 6.5 hours away from each other. I really like him and would like to make it work so that if we were to start dating we could stay together and see each other as much as possible.
Before a couple days ago he hasn't really said much about going home but the other day he brought up how close we are to the end of summer, i asked if he was happy to be going home and he said will be sad he doesn't get to see me. Some of his friends have came up and visited them and he took me to meet them and introduced me.
I'm not really sure where his heads at and I really dont want to say anything about our situation until we leave because if the conversation goes badly I still will have to see him at work everyday until the end of summer.
So do you guys think that I should wait for him to bring it up? Do you think he'll even bring it up at all? Or should I bring it up? and if yes, what should I say to him?
Thank you in advance
Kaaitlyn31
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I agree with Razhie, instead of just hoping and getting your hopes dashed, the best is for you to say something. Your hopes may still get crushed but at least you won't go living to your dying day wondering if something could have been if one of you had been brave enough to bring up the subject.
One thing I've read as a 'not to say', is a declaration of already having feelings for, or being in love with. Early on, it can scare away the other, or put pressure on them if they don't feel the same, and worry about how to let you down without hurting your feelings.
You've only known each other for summer but seen each other in some ways daily so it may seem like a lot longer but its still early in the relationship. The only thing you know for sure is he finds you attractive enough to have the desire to have sex with you. That complicates things as far as feelings go for you. You dont know if this was just a summer fling for him or if in the back of his mind, he's keeping an eye out for the girl he wants to settle down with someday.
If both of you are interested but not picking up enough encouraging signs from each other for either of you to have the guts to bring it up, then the both of you could be totally in love and walk away from each other for lack of taking a risk and saying something. To me, minor embarrassment is a heck of a lot better than wondering if you just let the love of your life get away. He may not have said anything for several reasons, none having to do with any lack of interest in having more time with you, and one reason could be that he believes 6.5 hrs distance is too great a hassle to even think of considering staying together as a couple.
So the whole problem then is exactly what to say. Guys get as scared as girls so he won't think poorly of you for bringing it up first. Be honest, straight to the point of what you want to know. Of course you;ll use your own words and want sounds like you but heres what I would say if I were in your shoes.
"You know, I was expecting to meet anyone, just do my internship. But since meeting you, I have come to grow quite fond of you. I know we have enough sexual attraction, but we haven't perhaps had enough time for either of us to become each others best friend. So I want to say something, just put it out there. From what i've seen so far, I would prefer if the relationship didn't end if you have a similar interest in me. I also need to be honest and say that I hope and dream of finding the one I will be with the rest of my life, but I understand that sometimes there's not enough there to solidify the relationship. So I need to know how you feel so far about me. Not for an instant commitment for the rest of our lives, but at least for now, to get to know each other even better and try to continue despite the distance to give ourselves a chance to discover if we believe we've found our future mate or not.
I know it takes both sexual compatibility and being the best of friends to have a chance at a stable relationship with someone. If you are game, I'd like that chance to have more time after summer internship to see if we can become even closer friends wise. If one or neither of us fall in love, then so be it, but I'd rather give a possible relationship a try than never try at all. So tell me, what are your thoughts on this?
This really is a no pressure talk, even tho it may seem such to you. You are leaving it open ended, not expecting a commitment for life long, only one to give each other a chance to know if the other is the right one. You don't put on pressure by saying you think you're already in love. That you can leave up to him. If he feels that way already now, then its his time to confess it or at least agree to keep the relationship going. too many young people jump into relationships without bringing up a talk of boundaries and expectations early on, such as after a handful of dates where the other keeps wanting to spend time with you. The fact he took the next step to sex could mean something or he may be the friends with benefits type. You don't know until you start 'the talk'. this is something i did 2nd time around, after a divorce. I put myself on a dating site. When meeting guys, I told them what I was looking for in boyfriend material, I let them know I wasn't looking for an instant commitment to be able to say he's my boyfriend, just a chance to really give the relationship a fighting chance to establish itself or not. As soon as either of us was sure we were not really interested in that way, to become sweethearts for the rest of our lives, then fine, we part. I never begged or whined to get a guy to stay. And funny thing is, that made guys all the more interested in spending time with me, even if they ultimately were not looking for a long term partner. I was. I made that clear and theres nothing wrong with that because both of you are of an age where in a handful of years you'll be ready to marry and start a family. So it's actually wise to make your future wishs be known so that a guy who never wishes to marry or have kids doesnt end up wasting your time.
If he can't give you an answer, then let him know that when you get home, since he's uncertain or not able to give an answer, you will not save yourself, waiting around for him but you will go on to meet and date other guys (even if at the moment you dont want to--but he doesnt need to know that) This switches the situation to one of instead of you pursueing him, even with such a conversation, that final thing about not waiting around, will force him to really pay attention to how he feels about you and he may not be able to determine that until after you've parted and he doesnt see you daily. It puts him in the position of getting serious about what he wants, and to do the pursueing if he IS even remotely thinking that he shouldn't take a chance on losing you at this point. When the guy knows that you like him so much but will walk back out of his life and start dating others, it puts the desperation on him to come running after you...IF he is developing feelings for you also. good luck dear.
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You should never wait for someone else to bring up something that is bothering you. That's always a bad plan.
He might not bring it up. That's a very real possibility.
You should say to him much of what you said here. The truth is, if you are having sex with this guy and there has never been a conversation about your relationship status, then it's probably going to be over when you both go home. I'm sorry to be downer about it, but that's the reality. Generally speaking, when a girl doesn't talk about the future, it means she's fantasizing about it, and when a guy doesn't, it means he doesn't think there is one.
You don't mention if you have any plans on returning next summer, or if a 6.5 hour drive or bus ride is a thing you could even consider. You don't mention any ideas you may have about how this could continue after you leave this internship.
Some relationships really do have an expiry date. That is painful, but it's no one's fault. The universe is full of physical realities that limit us, and the painful truth is, most people who come into your life wont stay forever.
You should bring it up. If you want this to continue after you both leave, you should ask for that. The way to keep this conversation from going badly, is to respect that he might not see any way for it to continue. (Honestly, I'm not even sure that you see a way). That's sad, but it's not a reason to be angry or to fight. It's just sad.
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