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people just want to bring me down
Hi.. i feel so lonely in a room full of people.I feel i dont have true friends.It seems like they're all just fake.Im a great student so lot of people ask me for help and i ofcorse say yes becaous if i can help why not. So i feel like they call me when they just need something from me,any help or to hang out with me when they have noone else.And somethimes tell me some stupid thing that really gets me and hurt me but noone sees that i'm acually hurt.Im not that fit but im not "fat" so thats thing im most sceptic about and most affraid becaose people first see look but then personality. I said to myself on this spring break i will go at city every night and thoso stuff. But no becaose i have noone to go with or someone o call me and want to hang out.I give a lot but it seem like I'm getting nothing in return.I love to read and be a little in my own world and i also love languages,so i kinda want to write a book about my expiriences or to be part of writting,like for some papers thats my dream job.But "freinds" around me tell me a fantasie a lot and make me think im not good enough or i cant write,they make me think its imoposible for me to do something like that.I also love to dress up and im into fashion so there are lots of comments on my look. People liek stranger complement me but my close freinds say they dont like it.. :( Are they jealous or what?Or they want me to be in pain. I sometimes feel like i dont know who am i.What am i doing with my life.?
I'm sorry if my english is bad or its not in right tense.Its not my real language, i teach it in scool.
I said some radom things i dont know dont know does it make sense but i hope you can give me some advice..
~Thanks a lot.. ♥
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Hi there. It sounds to me a bit like your self-esteem is a bit low? You feel self-conscious and that people are juging you because you're 'fat' although you actually are not fat! That's what it tends to do to your self-image. It undermines it. And when your self-esteem is a bit low we do tend to end up being a bit 'used' or 'put upon' by others. That's because you end up sacrificing your self-esteem hopefully win the esteem of others. They latch on to the fact that you are always willing to help, and as you are a great student too they will know that your help is valuable to them. They'll naturally feel a bit envious when strangers praise you, because they have got into the mind-set that you are just there to help them and they like to keep you feeling a bit sub-ordinate. Now I'm not saying that these people are cruel. It's just one of those 'group dynamics' that crop up and flourish sometimes. We're all a bit guilty of it at times. Often without knowing we are doing it. You're saying plenty of positive stuff here too. I don't think your self-esteem is in ruins by any means. A good first step to getting it back up to it's best is learning to say 'NO' sometimes. Help by all means. That shows a good character. But if helping at times really is not convenient, and it means putting your own plans on hold or even giving them up, say no, you really have not got time. It starts to turn around their mind-set. They may sound a bit annoyed at first, but you will go up in their estimation by not being always available. They will learn that your help is still valuable, but not their right to demand. So they will value it more. Socially this might well help too. They should learn to 'court you' a bit more (and not consider you disposable when they have other plans) and know that they have to give in return. Feeling that you don't know what you are doing with your life is because you have indeed handed over a lot of the control to these other people. It's a step by step process getting your self-esteem back up to top performance but it's very worthwhile. You will start to feel different as it improves and they will see this and have to treat you differently themselves. As to the writing, well it's a different kind of career than many people go for. It is probably tempting for them to 'put you down' to keep you in your place, as we might say. There are many working journalists (a very creditable career and influential too. As well as interesting) and also very many published authors. They are not just 'jobs' which people fall into. Mostly the people wanted and dreamed of doing it. Just like you. So keep following your dream. Think of it as an 'ambition' (which you work and strive for in real ways) rather than a day-dream. Go for it. You like fashion and are praised for your look and style? I am thinking 'Fashion Journalist' here? Maybe spend a little time writing a short story too. To get into the way we compose and structure writing. Can be for your own amusement only. Or if something promising comes up, you might want to send it to some potential publishers? It's all working towards you ambition and going beyond a 'dream'. I reckon you are actually doing a lot better than YOU think you are mate! That's the self-esteem thing. Start work on that. And good luck. And by the way, your English is absolutely fine. I can follow it very easily. A lot of English speakers of English have awful grammar and jump tenses every other sentence. You writing is excellent. Couple of spellings wrong. But English spelling is well-known to be random. Again, you spell better than many native English speakers I've encountered. Hang in there. Feel free to post a question to my inbox any time if there is something you would like to discuss further.
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