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I am pretty sure I like this guy, who is obviously shy...
I am 15. He is 16. I live in the USA.I am pretty sure I like this guy, who is obviously shy. I don't get to see him much because of my parents. And we don't go to the same school. And he is my best friends cousin. She said they talked, and to be honest, I didn't really want him to know I like him. So, apparently he said he used to like this girl, and he isn't sure if he likes me. I honestly don't know what to think of it all. My family is weird about dating, and I have trust issues. I am also very innocent when it comes to dating. And like I said I am pretty sure I like him, honestly it could be a crush or something. I don't know. And thanks.
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Even if you'd never met this guy or come to know of him, you have a couple of issues already, you feel that your family is weird about dating and I need to know more to give a helpful suggestion there. You also mentioned having trust issues yourself and not being experienced at relationships and dating which is actually no surprise at your age. Kids can date tons in middle and HS and graduate and still know absolutely nothing about how to go about it right. Hey it comes with the age, I was once in the same spot at that age.
Lets tackle the dating issues. Have the parents had a talk with you and mentioned anything about dating at all to you? Do they have a set age for you at which they will allow you to go out with a guy alone or with other couples? I'm a mom and have 3 daughters all grown. But I sure as heck was nervous when it came to them meeting guys, liking each other and dating. Parents always are more protective and strict with the daughters because we know how easy it is for two who care about each other to get carried away and she ends up pregnant, or a guy she thought she could trust, forces her and rapes her. Becoming pregnant, or even just having a guy mistreat you in any way is a serious thing these days with physical abuse at alarming highs among teens. They have a right to want to protect you, maybe not from yourself but the guy. Most parents dont even know or have never met the guy a girl wants to date. I think its time to tell the parents you want to have a good talk about boys and dating. Even if they've given you their boundaries already. YOu have to feel comfortable talking about this with them tho. Ask if they are wondered about you being taking advantage of, getting pregnant, your grades dropping, the guy mistreating you. they most surely will answer yes to it all. You can let them know you trust them to protect you the best they can from those things, but all you want right now is a chance to learn how to be friends with a guy, know how to talk to them and understand them, in a safe setting where they can keep watch over you. I would say this is appropriate at already 13, 14 for kids who want to date. The simple answer is getting their okay to have not female friends, but a male friend from school or through whatever contact come to visit at your house. That way they get to observe him and get to know him, and determine if he is trustworthy. this is an important first step to the later serious dating two people do to find if they have things in common and the commitment stage, etc.
To not allow you to spend time with a male friend at your home getting to practice how to act with a guy, is important. I made sure my daughters knew they could invite male school friends to come hang at our house. No guys ever did. My younger sister has the same policy and her daughter has a boyfriend come hang out at her house often. Its a safe way to get experience and the setting is not conducive to having privacy for fooling around. Cuddlings and hugging while watching a movie may be acceptable to some parents tho.
Trust is something that grows over time. At the start of a relationship, there is not going to be any trust because you don't have a track record on how consistantly the guy sticks to who and what he says he is. After some time has gone by, if a person has been pretending, they relax and forget to pretend and show their real self. If you haven't really been able to date yet to have someone break trust with you, then its not a trust issue problem as much as it might be the fact that you feel totally unprepared to spend time around a guy and don't know what to expect, how to act or how to respond or handle him and any issues that come up...am I right? this is why you need to be able to talk to mom and ask her questions. talk to dad also and get his perspective as a male when a guy says or does certain things. I used my Dad a lot to ask what it meant if a guy said or did something to me. But I still think its even better since you;re 15 to be able to spend time just hanging out with a guy. If it doesn't end up being your friends cousin, then another guy eventually. And even if you feel it might be just a crush, I still feel strongly this is a good time for both you and the parents to be open with each other and you given the chance to have guys come to the house When the parents are there. get that arranged first, and then i'd start with an invite to have your friend come over and bring her cousin too so he doesn't feel so awkward and shy... ONce or a couple times til he's used to visiting at your home. then invite him to come over on his own.
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Well all you can do is go with what your feelings tell you, and maybe just try to be his friend first.
dont friend zone him but be open to what he says and try to get to know him. If you want any kind of relationship with a guy your going to HAVE to learn to put yourself out there and little and see what comes back. Just like how guys have to do the same, its a two way street.
Maybe make jokes and try to find ways to relate to him to break the ice so that you can talk more.
good luck ; )
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