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Long Distance Relationships United States To Russia... Advice?
I'm a sixteen year old female, and the guy I will be mentioning is a seventeen year old male.
I met him online, and we've been talking a lot ever since we met. I like said guy, and he likes me too.
Here's the problem: I live in the United States and he lives in Russia. We're both a little hesitant about the distance, and neither of us know what to do. Any advice?
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theres great wisdom from the last advice giver--you can never know if the person is cheating on you. Hecks it's even hard in a face to face relationship, but in Real life, theres a good chance you find out sooner rather than later.
For you and him to both have a good perspective on what you do now that you've met and what you can expect, you need first to understand what i feel more important: to understand the reason and purpose behind dating.
It starts at any age where one is going thru puberty and aware of the opposite sex and the same applie no matter how old the person is. The first thing to attract us to a person in real life is a persons looks and mannerism we can witness without really knowing them yet. In web relationships, perhaps there's some attraction to photos or Skype images, but more often its the words of the person and how they express themselves that catches your interest.
Attraction and interest is the first stage. The second is to make contact. If both are willing to talke in person or via web and enjoy that, then they need to discover next all the details about the other person, like their character, beliefs, morals, hopes, and dreams, not just what they are like when happy and alls going good but what they act like or how they treat you when they are sick, stressed, unhappy or angry. Its the practice of dating first as a discovery mode that can lead to splitting up as you're not right for each other, or finding the person is perfect for who you are at this point in life and thats when the next stage happens...still dating but talking and agreeing to be each others gf/by, making the commitment. For older people looking to marry, the commitment phase usually leads to living together during which more can be discovered that was easily hidden while just meeting on dates, and a relationship can still break up here, or on the happy side, they decide to marry or make a decision to live together life long without the marriage license.
Most young people today date without purpose, its just what everyone else does. Like a friend buys the latest cute outfit at Hot Topic and suddenly all the girls want to be seen wearing something from hot topic, as if it makes them seem more acceptable, more normal. Dating is used more as a social status thing among teens, makes you seem to be more cool cus you have someone you're seeing. When done for this reason, it doesnt last long and females who are too quick to give their heart to a guy get their hearts broken or their dignity feels crushed cus now they are single again.
Dating via long distance means there is soooo much of the dating experience that you get cheated out of, that you never experience, no matter how real it seems. You only short change yourself in gaining experience as to how to know when you have a truly good dependable guy or not.
Also, at a young age, its harder to promise to stay true to an internet date when in real life someone just as great or better comes into your life. the one who is going to win out for one or both of you is the real life in person individual because you are not limited to text and web images for a relationship. I grew up in a time when tv didnt have cable, there were no computers, cell phones or internet. We had to learn to have a relationship face to face, it was our only choice. Even so, I made a bad decision and the 1st husband was totally wrong. Later in life when dating again as an adult, I took advantage of the internet and dating sites, using it as a tool to help me narrow down my options faster than go through dating to find out in the end that some things about the guy was a deal breaker. So I am not totally against internet dating. I used it only as a tool to get to learn of the existance of certain guys and chat a week at most before meeting in person. Used as a tool, it is wonderful. Used as a substitute for in person dating, it falls flat.
I would say there nothing wrong with being friends on the net. In fact, it is a good way for both of you to begin to learn how to communicate well with the opposite sex, how to understand them better. this is one of the biggest challenge when having the person face to face. On the web, you can take the time, having no other distractions, to really ask for example, "What did you mean when you said......" too often girls write in to me asking what a guy meant when he said something. I tell them they have to ask. Its not just the fact of being opposite sex. Even you and girlfriends will not have the same way of describing or explaining something to another person and this is because of what I can best describe as a person's internal dialogue. We all have our own unique ways of taking in info from the world around us and processing it differently from other and therefore what comes out our mouths have different twist or seem to have different meanings to them.
At this stage, when you do not know if at age 24, when you both have matured more and are different people that you will still be attracted to each other, wanting to meet in person and marry, it's basically jumping the gun to say you're making a promise to be only with them. I know our heart feelings can prompt us to make such promises. But its best not to make such promises until one has had a chance to grow up and experience more in life, more like ones mid twenties. But hey, I had no one to tell me this and i married at 20 and he ended up being abusive. Some of us learn the hard way like I did. I only can share what I do know from my life in hopes in helps you to sort out how to view this long distance friendship.
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I'm a 13/F and I tend to do long distance relationships. The best and most important thing to do first is to make sure he's truly who he says he is. Try these:
~ Skype
~ Facetime
~ Oovoo
~ An app that tells you if the picture was taken right then, such as kik
~ Talking on the phone
Even though trolling may/can be fun, it can hurt the person/peoples it's happening to awfully. Next, find something to do that relaxes you, such as a warm shower or a favorite hobby, so you can ask yourself questions and answer them honestly. Some questions to consider:
~ Do I truly love this man?
~ Do I want to one day meet this boy?
~ Am I going to be both loyal and faithful in this relationship?
Long distance relationships are challenging, and they require patience. I'm sure you're an amazing, intelligent, beautiful, sweet young woman that doesn't want her heart toyed with, so I will warn you, you never know if the other person is cheating on you or being unfaithful, so make sure that you trust your heart to him. I hope I helped, and I wish you both the best of luck and that it works out.
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Hello, Long distance romances within the same country or even in the same state rarely work out. While it may be said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is not exactly true, especially in your situation.
First: Consider where you both live, what are the chances of you two ever meeting face to face? The answer is probably slim to none.
Second: Now consider your ages: You are both young, in the prime of your teenage years fast approaching the freedom of adulthood. Do you picture either of you sitting home pinning for the other the one you may never have? I sincerely doubt it. You both are going to go out have fun and fall in love with other people.
Third: Maybe this should have been first. What do you really know about this boy. Is he really 17? Does he really live in Russia. I'm sure you are aware of online predators and girls especially have to be careful in making online relationships and giving out too much information about themselves. what have you done to make sure he is 17 and from Russia and not some 40 year old guy from Cincinnati who stalks women online.
My advise is to make sure he is what he says he is, a 17 year old boy from Russia. IF you are not able to or if he refuses to give you proof tell your parents and call the police; especially if you have given him any personal information as to where you live.
If you do have proof that he is what he says he is then enjoy him as a pen pal. For that is the best you can hope for from this relationship.
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